I would post this on r/personalfinance, they are very good at helping people approach these types of issues.

In my opinion, you've got three major things going against this:

• you are building a house, and uprooting that process will be a massive loss to you, right?
• your girlfriend is awful with money and become a much closer observer of that is only going to increase your frustrations
• she is not going to change just because you live with her, she has to want to change her habits, and if she just isn't interested in that, this may be a nonstarter

I get that he needs it. But that doesn't make it any less ridiculous in a professional setting. Tell him to watch on a tablet so you don't also have to look at it. Problem solved right?

I let my girlfriend play games on my phone, use it to take pictures and a few other things in situations where her phone isn't handy. She does the same for me. We trust each other, and neither of us uses it as an opportunity to go digging through texts, browser history or anything else.

At some point saying "no" to "can I use your phone to do <insert innocuous task>" get's weird.

Early on in a relationship I agree with you, but at some point you have to be comfortable enough with each other to let your s/o briefly use your device.

This is a ridiculous thing to have on TV while working, it's exactly conducive to a professional setting, which is what your home is during working hours. He is the outlier here, not you. He can get a tablet + headphones to get the visuals+sounds he needs to be productive.

You have nothing conclusive. So at this point, all you can do is keep an eye on it. Not being allowed to use his phone or computer is a possible sign, but that's it: possible, he could just be a private person or a person with a shitload of porn. Who knows, lol.

Your example is bad, his father was in the HOSPITAL.

But if this stuff happens regularly, where he doesn't acknowledge anything you say, even when he isn't dealing with an emergency, that's a problem.

> She’s moving out in a month

Problem solved. Don't do anything crazy, keep your stuff, yourself, and the cat away from her for the coming month, as much as possible. This battle is not worth it, she'll be gone. It'll cause way more drama and escalation than it is worth.

You don't need to go right up to someone to tell them it's time to end the debate.

Also, you can just change the subject without telling everyone to stop.

There are certainly friendlier ways to solve the problem. But I don't think what he did was wrong either.

Explain that he was just standing up for you, as he should've. Nobody was going to win that debate right then and there. It was best to just drop it and that's what happened, as far as you and your boyfriend are concerned, you did the right thing.

"sorry if it came across as intimidating, he just felt the debating was getting out of hand and that we needed to change the subject"

Do you feel this way because of the comment he made.

Or do you feel this way because when you thought about your relationship as a whole and this is the conclusion you came to.

If it's the former, you can drop this, if it's the latter, then it's a problem.

You're welcome. I don't know how your otherwise feel about your parents, but if they are reasonable there is this argument:

"would you rather dial it back with the interrogations of my boyfriend so that we still come around here, so you can share in that part of my life, or would you like me to proceed never bringing this or any other boyfriend home?"

If you truly think your cat will be happier with your ex, that seems like the right decision. From what you describe your cat is used to having plenty of fellow cats to hang out with. It may be quite a shock to move them.

However, if you keep your cat's best interest at heart, nobody would blame you for keeping YOUR cat.

Does your ex have a claim to this cat, or has it always been exclusively yours?

> and shouldn't be judged for the ability or desire to do so.

Viewing this as an ability is just weird.

It's right on the edge for me, like late-teens and early-twenties are off-limits as far as I'm concerned for relationships with large age disparities. There's just too much risk for it being manipulative, even if the older party doesn't intend it, it could happen by virtue of a massive imbalance of life and dating experience.

But yeah, ultimately I think a 25-year-old, in most cases has enough wits about them to understand what's going on.

Is his expectation that it won't be longterm, or is it hers? Or both?

> I ended up committing suicide cause I couldn't handle it.

Then how are you here? Do you mean "attempting"?

Anyway, you are in an abusive relationship, you aren't the problem, he is. LEAVE. No matter how much a manipulates you into thinking you are the problem, he is in fact the problem. The only sollution is to leave, in whatever way you can safely do so.

Tell your parents you are taking them out of the equation where your dating life is concerned. Then follow that up, but not spending time at your place with him. Would that be possible? Do you two have other places you can hang out?

You need to tell them ASAP, it will suck a lot. But it will be even worse if they find out you LET them have their friend contact the school.

As you said all options are shit, but this is the option with the most integrity on your part.

He chose her over you. It's time to take this deactivation as your queue to move on. He may pop into your life sometime in the future, but don't entertain him if he is still in a relationship, he may be in a bad relationship, but you're helping him cheat.

You are welcome, you can look forward to reclaiming your space soon.

> I think mainly for familiarity and out of loneliness

These aren't good reasons to get back together with anyone, please note what's glaringly missing: you didn't say anything to the effect of "she was the one that got away" or "I still love her". So do both of you a favor and don't come back into her life.

You also asked us to convince you that you shouldn't. So you already know that you shouldn't.

I'd inform him that if he doesn't come to pick this stuff up by X date, it's going to be donated.

For X date pick whatever date you want the stuff gone by, if that's tomorrow, that's fine, you aren't his storage facility.

I know it's tempting to just dump it, but you'll have the high ground (you already do, but this is also for your own benefit, you'll personally feel like you gave him every opportunity) if he complains about this later, you will have given him every chance.

> And what I found was just disgusting to me.

I'm sorry to ask, but what was he liking? Scantily clad women?

> toxicity including verbal, emotion and physical abuse

Just get out. Please, please just find a way to get out of this relationship safely.

> If we change, I would love to stay together.

You've dealt with this for 4 years, he is not going to change.

I'm so sorry you've been going through this. This is not normal, this should not be tolerated. Get away from your abuser, that's what he is, he is nto a boyfriend. He is an abuser.

You should ask her why so you guys can have a more fulfilling time in the bedroom after you take notes from each other.