A hulking monster made of Brimstone approached me, slowly, growling as he did so. I stopped in my tracks, curious.
As the monster grew closer, I recognized it as a low-level General. Most Generals of this rank were these types of monster. They were large, intimidating, and could pack one hell (teehee!) of a punch if they had to discipline any underlings. I’d never actually met one in the flesh (er… stone?) after designing their appearances. If you were promoted to this rank, you would become one of these.
I better back up a little. Every new soul arriving in Hell will first be assigned their own personal Hell. Time runs differently down here, so after a millennia or seven, you’re given the option to enlist in Hell’s Army. The overarching goal of this army is to eventually storm the Silver City, but we’re still quite a ways off that. Most souls, eventually growing tired of their own Hell, confronting their own sins, and having their assholes filled with spiders over and over, join without hesitation.
Only in the past few Earth decades, have there been weapons made available to us down here that mean we have a chance of actually overthrowing my stupid Father.
“YOU! Why are you just standing there? Where is your UNIFORM!?” the General roared. I blinked despite my best efforts. “Mawp… mawp…” I started, clapping my ears. I’d heal from this deafness as an eternal, but it miffed me a little, so I decided to play a game.
“SIR!” I said, saluting. “A few of the butt spiders broke out from one of the New Soul Encampments! I squished them, and they stained my Uniform! Sir!”
“EXCUSES!” The monster screamed, even louder this time. “Mawp…” I said, clapping my ear again. I did enjoy watching Archer on Netflix — what, did you think we didn’t have entertainment in Hell?. The monster hurled a rock in my direction, and before I could vanquish it into atoms, it connected and sent me flying.
I landed a full ten meters away, leaving a crater. I cast the rock aside, and made my way back over to the General. “My apologies, Sir!” I said, snapping another salute. The General pointed a large rocky arm toward a shed behind him. “GO!”
I ran for the shed, retrieving an old Uniform. I paused to look around while I put it on. Man, they were OLD. Many of them were threadbare and in tatters. Yet they were a point of pride for the Army. I decided to redesign them and send new ones down when I finished my little game. The uniform on, I ran back to the General. “YOU PASS” he yelled, pointing to the next place I was to be.
I went, curious. I’ll admit, sitting in the Throne Room all day was boring. I rarely got out, and I rarely met anyone else anymore. The same old duties — check progress on the overthrowing, sign off on New Soul reports, design torture for terrible Humans, scare religious New Souls by appearing in their Hells, walk the hounds, then Dinner.
Arriving at the Stadium, I was ushered in by a higher ranking General. “QUICK!” He whispered, gesturing “You’re late! His Terribleness will be here soon!”
Entering the grounds, I found the entire Army standing at attention, waiting for His Terribleness — Me — to arrive. After a while, the soldiers and other officials began to grow concerned.
The Brimstone General was standing under the stands, looking around. I hadn’t gone to a seat yet, as I was caught unaware by the entire Army standing faithfully, waiting for my arrival. “YOU! GET TO A SEAT!” He roared, and I felt every pair of eyes focus on me.
I snapped my fingers, and my true Terrible form was revealed.
The raucous applause was stymied when I turned my attention to the General. “YOU!” I yelled, and the creature became a slug. I squished it.
I turned to face the Army. I could’ve unleashed my Wrath, but instead I decided to show mercy. I could see that everyone was hesitant.
I gave a wave of my arm, and all the Uniforms renewed themselves. Snappy, clean, not threadbare. Crisp.
“If you’re all going to gather for me, we have to at least LOOK GOOD!” I said, to more applause. Even the tentacle monsters were flailing about in excitement.
“Now, where should we start?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at a General to my left.
“S-S-sir!” He yelled, snapping a salute, and he flicked to the next PowerPoint slide.
uibutton t1_iwfjtpr wrote
Reply to [WP]"Why are you just standing there and where is your uniform?! You are here to serve the demon king and we can't have someone incompetent like you, get moving!". I knew I hadn't met most of my lower-ranked generals so he must not recognize me. No matter I want to see how this will play out. by Blackrose_920
A hulking monster made of Brimstone approached me, slowly, growling as he did so. I stopped in my tracks, curious.
As the monster grew closer, I recognized it as a low-level General. Most Generals of this rank were these types of monster. They were large, intimidating, and could pack one hell (teehee!) of a punch if they had to discipline any underlings. I’d never actually met one in the flesh (er… stone?) after designing their appearances. If you were promoted to this rank, you would become one of these.
I better back up a little. Every new soul arriving in Hell will first be assigned their own personal Hell. Time runs differently down here, so after a millennia or seven, you’re given the option to enlist in Hell’s Army. The overarching goal of this army is to eventually storm the Silver City, but we’re still quite a ways off that. Most souls, eventually growing tired of their own Hell, confronting their own sins, and having their assholes filled with spiders over and over, join without hesitation.
Only in the past few Earth decades, have there been weapons made available to us down here that mean we have a chance of actually overthrowing my stupid Father.
“YOU! Why are you just standing there? Where is your UNIFORM!?” the General roared. I blinked despite my best efforts. “Mawp… mawp…” I started, clapping my ears. I’d heal from this deafness as an eternal, but it miffed me a little, so I decided to play a game.
“SIR!” I said, saluting. “A few of the butt spiders broke out from one of the New Soul Encampments! I squished them, and they stained my Uniform! Sir!”
“EXCUSES!” The monster screamed, even louder this time. “Mawp…” I said, clapping my ear again. I did enjoy watching Archer on Netflix — what, did you think we didn’t have entertainment in Hell?. The monster hurled a rock in my direction, and before I could vanquish it into atoms, it connected and sent me flying.
I landed a full ten meters away, leaving a crater. I cast the rock aside, and made my way back over to the General. “My apologies, Sir!” I said, snapping another salute. The General pointed a large rocky arm toward a shed behind him. “GO!”
I ran for the shed, retrieving an old Uniform. I paused to look around while I put it on. Man, they were OLD. Many of them were threadbare and in tatters. Yet they were a point of pride for the Army. I decided to redesign them and send new ones down when I finished my little game. The uniform on, I ran back to the General. “YOU PASS” he yelled, pointing to the next place I was to be.
I went, curious. I’ll admit, sitting in the Throne Room all day was boring. I rarely got out, and I rarely met anyone else anymore. The same old duties — check progress on the overthrowing, sign off on New Soul reports, design torture for terrible Humans, scare religious New Souls by appearing in their Hells, walk the hounds, then Dinner.
Arriving at the Stadium, I was ushered in by a higher ranking General. “QUICK!” He whispered, gesturing “You’re late! His Terribleness will be here soon!”
Entering the grounds, I found the entire Army standing at attention, waiting for His Terribleness — Me — to arrive. After a while, the soldiers and other officials began to grow concerned.
The Brimstone General was standing under the stands, looking around. I hadn’t gone to a seat yet, as I was caught unaware by the entire Army standing faithfully, waiting for my arrival. “YOU! GET TO A SEAT!” He roared, and I felt every pair of eyes focus on me.
I snapped my fingers, and my true Terrible form was revealed.
The raucous applause was stymied when I turned my attention to the General. “YOU!” I yelled, and the creature became a slug. I squished it.
I turned to face the Army. I could’ve unleashed my Wrath, but instead I decided to show mercy. I could see that everyone was hesitant.
I gave a wave of my arm, and all the Uniforms renewed themselves. Snappy, clean, not threadbare. Crisp.
“If you’re all going to gather for me, we have to at least LOOK GOOD!” I said, to more applause. Even the tentacle monsters were flailing about in excitement.
“Now, where should we start?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at a General to my left.
“S-S-sir!” He yelled, snapping a salute, and he flicked to the next PowerPoint slide.