Thank you

The next day the newspapers printed their discovery. Like-minded adventurers had been bested. Misty eyed children sat in mute wonder. Chronically sleep deprived eyed the bed with covetous thoughts swirling inside their heads. Savvy business people plotted ways to exploit the bed’s properties for the purpose of maximizing profit. Scientists longed for a more in-depth evaluation.

Competitors, fueled by an endless lust for money, would not be able to compete with such a bed. If even one bed existed that could guarantee a good night’s sleep, and deliver on said guarantee, it would doom all other beds as second best. This was bad for business, and investors would begin to lose faith if they believed their product was sub-par.

Mattress producers began to scheme. They plotted late at night, in dark, abandoned buildings, and sometimes even underground. They united against a common threat and vowed to destroy the very thing they were meant to be selling to their loyal customers. A good night’s sleep every night.

Three days after being discovered, at approximately 2am on Feb. 20th 2014, more than 20 masked men entered a secured showroom containing the magical bed. The men were armed with road flares and canisters of diesel fuel. After 37 hours of fighting back the flames the entire showroom was nothing but ash. Mattress producers quietly rejoiced from the shadows. They had successfully bought themselves a few more years. The world wasn’t ready for a good nights sleep, and they would keep burning as many magical mattresses as it took to keep things that way.