"So..." The horrible visage of the concept of dead itself began. "Kyle..." it bagan to tap its figers against its desk to better enunciate his name. "Kyle, kyle, kyle... kyle." The mass of swirling indescribable horror turned its approximation of eyes on the human before him. "What are we to do with you?"
"Uhm..." Kyle, the accountant began. "I have no idea."
The creature, formally known as death, hemmed a long drawn out hmm of annoyance. "That's the thing, kyle. We dont know either." The being gestued with what could marginally be described as a hand at the couch in the corner of the room. "Do you see that woman sitting there looking like she's could spontaneously combust at any moment?"
Kyle turned, and indeed, there was a woman practically vibrating on the couch in the corner. She was massive, at least 7ft tall, blond braids, and this is the most important bit, had a massive fuck off axe resting between her thighs as she waved excitedly at him. "Yes?" Kyle, answered hesitantly.
"That's your valkyrie..."
"My what?"
"Your valkyrie..." death grunted again. "It seems she has a claim to your death."
"Uhm... okay?"
"Yes." Death hmmed again, "it seems, because of the fact that you have a tattoo of thor on your left testicle and the fact you technically died in battle with an axe in your hand. She has a claim."
"Oh, well that sounds-"
"But wait, there's more."
"Oh..."
"September, 2008, 1:12 am. And i quote, 'man, I'd sell my soul and tattoo my left testicle for some chicken and waffles right about now.'" And when death finished a man, with red skin, hornes, and a pitchfork appeared in a pathetic puff of yellow smoke... he also smiled and waved at kyle.
"Oh... shit."
"We're not done."
"oh."
Death slapped a glass with words, 'swear jar' on his desk before shaking it at kyle... who grumbled before depositing a dollar. "It seems, durring your youth, you were also baptized by the Catholic church." At this, a man in a dress with the nametag,"Peter" appeared in another gasping poof of white smoke.
"Oh!"
"That concludes page 1. Onto page 2 of 12."
"Oh..."
"Now, while you were in your 30s, you married a mormon woman..." With a reverberating poof, a man in khakis and white shirt and teeth that were slightly to white appeared.
"Oh god!"
"Who you then fleeced for all her money and divorced." The man poofed away.
"Oh, thank god..."
Only to be replaced by a man with red skin, khakis, a white shirt, and FAR to white of teeth to appear.
swayinit t1_j9sbhlz wrote
Reply to [WP] "Until this is settled, you will be staying here at the waiting room. Meanwhile, We'll be discussing whether you should go to Heaven or Valhalla. I wouldn't be surprised if Buddha also shows up." by Kinson47
"So..." The horrible visage of the concept of dead itself began. "Kyle..." it bagan to tap its figers against its desk to better enunciate his name. "Kyle, kyle, kyle... kyle." The mass of swirling indescribable horror turned its approximation of eyes on the human before him. "What are we to do with you?"
"Uhm..." Kyle, the accountant began. "I have no idea."
The creature, formally known as death, hemmed a long drawn out hmm of annoyance. "That's the thing, kyle. We dont know either." The being gestued with what could marginally be described as a hand at the couch in the corner of the room. "Do you see that woman sitting there looking like she's could spontaneously combust at any moment?"
Kyle turned, and indeed, there was a woman practically vibrating on the couch in the corner. She was massive, at least 7ft tall, blond braids, and this is the most important bit, had a massive fuck off axe resting between her thighs as she waved excitedly at him. "Yes?" Kyle, answered hesitantly.
"That's your valkyrie..."
"My what?"
"Your valkyrie..." death grunted again. "It seems she has a claim to your death."
"Uhm... okay?"
"Yes." Death hmmed again, "it seems, because of the fact that you have a tattoo of thor on your left testicle and the fact you technically died in battle with an axe in your hand. She has a claim."
"Oh, well that sounds-"
"But wait, there's more."
"Oh..."
"September, 2008, 1:12 am. And i quote, 'man, I'd sell my soul and tattoo my left testicle for some chicken and waffles right about now.'" And when death finished a man, with red skin, hornes, and a pitchfork appeared in a pathetic puff of yellow smoke... he also smiled and waved at kyle.
"Oh... shit."
"We're not done."
"oh."
Death slapped a glass with words, 'swear jar' on his desk before shaking it at kyle... who grumbled before depositing a dollar. "It seems, durring your youth, you were also baptized by the Catholic church." At this, a man in a dress with the nametag,"Peter" appeared in another gasping poof of white smoke.
"Oh!"
"That concludes page 1. Onto page 2 of 12."
"Oh..."
"Now, while you were in your 30s, you married a mormon woman..." With a reverberating poof, a man in khakis and white shirt and teeth that were slightly to white appeared.
"Oh god!"
"Who you then fleeced for all her money and divorced." The man poofed away.
"Oh, thank god..."
Only to be replaced by a man with red skin, khakis, a white shirt, and FAR to white of teeth to appear.
"OH GOD, WHY?!"
"But wait, there's more."