lmao you're out of your mind

It doesn't sound like they trust mom with much of anything, let alone parenting, given her addiction/mental health issues, and it doesn't seem like OP trusts them enough to let them know boyfriend's phone number / identity.

it sounds like they did call her brother at an hour when her brother would pick up, and he let them know she was at her boyfriends. in the absence of other information, they probably still expected that she would come home, which is why they didnt do anything else until 4am.

but yeah, hopefully it works out. i think OP is confusing "grandparents disapprove of my decision to stay at my boyfriends" with "grandparents think i might be face down in a drain pool somewhere."

the post you've now deleted said that your grandparents were your legal guardians.

either way, it's not entirely relevant. you had some people that you live with who you knew would expect you to come home at X time; you didn't come home at X time, and they (quite reasonably) believed that you were missing.

"did you have permission?" and "are you missing?" are two completely different questions. evidently not a single person told them that you wouldn't be coming home that night, and it was 100% reasonable of them to be pretty dang worried. if your post was "i gave my grandparents a heads up i wouldn't be coming home because i'm staying with my boyfriend, and i had permission from my mother to stay with him, and they called the cops on me / freaked out / etc.," my opinion on the situation would be 180 degrees different.

i also live with someone who loves and cares about me. if i'm going to be out later than she's expecting me home, i tell her so that she does not think i've gone missing. i also tell her where i'm going to be so that if i do go missing, she is able to tell authorities my last known whereabouts.

>Implying that missing persons will be filed for any future overnight stays.

The implication I gathered from it was that they will file a missing persons report after she's 18 if they think she's missing.

There isn't any information in here to suggest that they did not actually believe she was missing. Which is entirely OP's fault for not telling them she wasn't coming home that night.

maybe OP should have told her legal guardians where she was going to be instead of the person who hasn't been able to be a parent for some time because she's been in and out of rehab and is unemployable because of mental health issues

> You grandparents lied to authorities in an attempt to control your life.

there is literally no indication in OP's post that her grandparents did not actually believe she was missing. and in fact, everything she has said about it indicates that the only person she told where she was going to be is someone who has been in and out of rehab and at risk of relapse, who did not bother to relay the conversation to her legal guardians. obviously they're going to think she's missing

> reporting you missing all the time

did i miss something in OP's post? this was the first and only time as far as i can discern

Uh. This is 100% on you, and the primary problem here is that you didn't communicate very well at all. You live with your grandparents who are, at least until you turn 18, still primarily responsible for things like making sure you aren't dead or missing because they're your legal guardians. Your mom's permission doesn't mean shit in this instance, except inasmuch as your legal guardians might defer to her, which it sounds like they do when they're actually aware.

You needed to tell them you wouldn't be coming home that night or of course they might think you're missing.

It doesn't sound like this was some weird attempt to harass you or punish you, based on how many friends and people you know they involved. It sounds like they, with pretty good reason, genuinely thought you were missing.

They might be inept and frustratingly bad at parenting a 17 year old, but it also sounds like you have some people who genuinely give a shit whether you live or die looking out for you. That isn't always a given!

Your mom has been in and out of rehab. Obviously if she goes out for extended periods of time they're probably pretty fucking worried she might start using again. Literally six months ago she was out of rehab!

This is a situation where, if you're lucky, you will have a very different perspective on this in like 10 years.