Not even close. That’s ninety seconds of my life gone that I will never get back…

Nope. SLC, UT was the scene of the crime.

I’m an old guy, so forgive me if this is completely unrelatable, but there’s an old TV show called ‘Branded’ that had a theme song that was soon rewritten by my second-grade peers as follows: STRANDED! Stranded on the toilet BOWL! What do you do when you’re stranded/and you need another rooolll/ (gently now, strings come in here) you wiiiipe with your hand/to prove you’re a man/STRANDED! (Bows and leaves)

No shit. Wtf is wrong with you OP? That’s not EVER okay, drunk or not. Jeezuz

😏fresh and minty

That’s brutal. Think all you can do is try to wait for the memories, theirs and yours to fade.

I’m in the same age group, think I was fourteen when I first heard that song and I was just floored by it. Queen was a huge part of my adolescence.

The Roger Waters album is ‘The Pros And Cons Of Hitchhiking’, the title you referenced is ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy’, one of a series of novels written by Douglas Adams. Just sayin 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think most of the posts here are pretty close. As the father of four kids who are now in their 20s, 30s and 40s I would have to say that feeling protective of your children is normal and perfectly okay, but when they’re becoming sexually aware and very possibly active, you need to have a dialogue about consequences and agree on how to keep them safe from those while acknowledging the fundamental change in dynamic, ie in exchange for honesty you are going to stay the fuck out of it… it’s going to happen, and you’re not going to stop it. Certainly masturbation is the beginning of the whole thing, and personally I think if it’s done behind a closed door with the appropriate cleanup, etc there’s no reason for a parent to get involved. My $.02

Agreed, I’m still trying to chew up and swallow that unfortunate phrase. Otherwise an entertaining story. (;