May I also add that maybe you attend an AA meeting and you don't necessarily have to stand up and share anything but simply request that someone that has some time under their belt get with you after the meeting to get their take on your story, I'm not saying you NEED AA but it could probably prove to be a really beneficial experience for you even if you just go the one time to get an outside parties view, best of luck my friend :)

Not to be the preachy guy but considering the mental baggage and ADHD it sounds like there's a lot of things you need to get in order before if ever you drink alcohol again. In my non professional opinion it would probably benefit you a lot to abstain from drinking and in the meantime consult a psychiatrist and or a psychologist and see if you can't work out some of the baggage and ADHD issues. I'm not saying this to put you down I'd just hate to see someone tear themselves apart when they could be building themselves up