I appreciate this. Tomorrow I sit down to work this all out. Also work out how to increase my earnings. I know how much he has and how much makes. We are both poor, he doesn't have it.

I know i get a say, but he will create such a heavy environment that would affect my daughter. I just try to keep the peace. I let my daughter be free when he isn't home. But she knows well to follow the rules when he is home. I hate that, because I feel guilty that I am undermining him, but I just want moments for her to feel free.

Thanks so much. I have time tomorrow and will go through the link you sent. I agree with you that he chooses this behaviour, as he treats his friends (he only has 2 or 3) and even strangers much kinder. Will listen to their problems and comfort people. But he won't do that at home. He was better with my daughter when she was a baby. But when she started to talk he backed away. Like I say, he hates communication. This is damaging to my daughter. She is so smart, as in, years ahead of her age academically. So she doesn't miss much, she catches everything he does. She has basically given up waiting for him to show love.

I am not allowed to walk around my house bare foot for example. Neither is my daughter. He would get mad and the energy in the house would be awful. So I just do it. I would not If it was just me, but he has a say in what my daughter does, so in solidarity to her I follow the rules so she isn't the only one. He likes the curtains shut in the day time. If I go near the kitchen window and I have the blinds up, he gets mad that neighbours can see me. I am not naked. It's fine. But I try to avoid the energy for my daughter.

He doesn't have enough for alimony. Anything I do, I will have to do alone. Any diagnosis is just my researched opinion.