Telling a person "you need to move on" when you've been dealt wayyy better cards in life and they're still deep in their shit could do so much long term harm I can't begin to explain properly in words. Just....no. Better say nothing than say that tbh.

She is only 20 and from what you're saying she experienced throughout her life, she has so many more years to go until she could be fine. Her brain is still very young and there's many aspects she can't see yet that are gonna come out in the following years.

I definitely understand your frustrations with her reactions, she is definitely not at peace with so many things and my honest opinion is that you two are not good partners for each other because of big difference in life perception. Best wording I could do right now.

And the advice I'm giving is purely from personal experience. I'm 22 and have a ton of similar trauma behind me. I can say at 20 I wasn't aware of 90% that I'm aware of right now and I learned that the journey towards understanding and healing is way, way longer than it seemed. Having people who simply can't understand my situation would only make things worse, I suppose it's the same for everyone else.

Bingo, my point :)

Or maybe people like you who jump to conclusions? I wasn't answering to OP first of all, I answered to the dude who literally said 'you're entitled to know what your wife is up to" like going through her personal stuff is the way to go. My answer was regarding that, plus the fact that normal adults communicate, they don't cheat nor do they invade each other's privacy. Please point to exactly where I am defending the cheater =)))

Who do you think I was referring to when I said "normal adults come forward when there's something wrong in the relationship'?

No one is entitled to anyone's privacy though. Normal adults talk and come forward when anything feels wrong in the relationship. But deciding to go through her phone says so, so much.

You need to realize you can't treat a marriage, children and a divorce like a teenager treats a shitty breakup. It's your life and your children's lives involved, grow the fuck up.