durgadas

durgadas t1_iujm82d wrote

  1. You need space to sort it out. Give yourself permission for that, which it sounds like you have.
  2. His approach is one most people want because it's put into the society that "people who ask or pursue succeed"
  3. It didn't work for you in this case
  4. Don't be scared to hurt the feelings of a person who is your friend. Rather rely upon their friendship to absorb the need you have for space and time.
  5. This person made a mistake by not seeing that maybe you weren't ready yet. For them, perhaps the fact that THEY could talk about this with YOU means "I'm solid and ready to go" but that's not the case for you. I would have wanted them to ask how solid you were or how confused you are before posting up with such an emotional ask right away.
  6. If it helps, take a look at Betty Martin's Wheel Of Consent: https://bettymartin.org/videos/

So you can see and understand or show someone what is up with you in terms of being ready. The part about Giving and Receiving, as well as the general graphic, are really helpful to understand how to envision and then talk about consent, which goes quite beyond just touching and intimacy.

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