Ay-Ay-Ron ☑️
^(@officialmrsens8tional)

@fenixfire_herotv isn't this that chump villain you talk about? https://op-ed.metropost.co...

> Dear Heroes, > > Yesterday, a group of superpowered thugs caused an incident at the Little-Big Cheese restaurant. After what must have been too many drinks, one of them groped their waitress before the group erupted into argument resulting in a building fire starting at their booth, a pyromancer shaped hole in the shared wall to Mr. Kim's Asian Fusion, and a half dozen shattered panes of plate glass from super-people who cannot learn to use doors. It's only due to exceptional luck that there were only two broken bones and a concussion among the fire-suppression drenched bystanders for whom you showed complete disregard. > > I'd like to think I've been very accomodating to your individual concerns. I've deferred plenty of plans in the name of sportsmanship when you had to travel for business, your boyfriend broke up with you, your brother had a health emergency, or you've just had a bad day at work. But enough is enough. Injury to bystanders and property is strictly against the oaths you swore when joining the League of Heroes. But I don't feel the need to call your regional chapter representative. Because I know how to get to all of you. > > I know your uncle still pays for your apartment. When was the last time you talked to him? A week? A month? He couldn't remember when I asked. Too busy trying to land that acting gig again? It's funny how someone so fast has no time to learn people skills. > > I know the doggy day care you send the King Charles Spaniel you named after me. Yes, I have big ears, very droll you witless harridan. I know your mother makes sure you take food home because you can't help but burn anything you try to cook. You know she asked me over tea to keep things indoor or at night because you don't wear enough sunscreen? How did you end up bereft of any of her courtesy? > > I know you have half a dozen DUI stops in the last three years that you got out of due to Mommy's connections. I know about the "best interests of the family" and the girl from college who disappeared after you proposed to her. It's not a lack of physical strength or toughness that keeps you out of the big-time superheroes, it's you. You're a cowardly, guileless never-will-be who takes out their personal problems on other people. > > I can take apart your lives if I want. This is my warning to you: Clean up or get out. > > And as for you, Sean, your only crime is having poor taste in companions. If you ever want out of the superhero business, I know some people in contract machining that could use your skill set. And hell, if that doesn't work out I could use another henchman. It's a good gig, ask any of my people--we only have 9% annual staff turnover and our health insurance has the necessary provisions for super-people. > > Sincerely,
> The Master of Whispers
> Citizen, Business Owner, Supervillain.

Meghan Metal Scuptures @meghansmetalaf

@officialmrsens8tional you're friends with these assholes? They shattered @QueenOfPuttingShots arm! She's gonna lose her scholarship!

Reggie_FPV @all4wallrideboss ☑️

.@officialmrsens8tional just gonna leave this here. 😱🤦🏻 https://youtu.be/dQw...

<Video has been removed by copyright enforcement request.>

Reggie_FPV @all4wallrideboss ☑️

.@officialmrsens8tional video re-up

<security camera video of superheroes infighting at a fondue shop>

Whispers @mrwhisperscasualvillainy (✮NEW ACCOUNT✮)

That doesn't belong to you Reggie, please remove it.

"Listen, kid, you've got good sword form, your companions seem strong, and you've got a good 'want to help people' vibe. But really, what do you know about running an empire?" the Emperor of Vrida asked the heroic intruders. He'd cleared out the court when he heard they were coming; the nobility always got snarky when heroes turned up.

"Don't try to hide behind your responsibilities. You're an autocratic despot that must be stopped."

"Okay, fair point on the responsibilities. If I'd been doing my job properly, you wouldn't be so motivated to get rid of me. But if you take me out, you're not going to do much better. You'll have to answer to the same scummy nobility and power-hungry factions and make similar, if not the same compromises."

"Which faction are you with, anyway?" the Emperor inquired. Maybe he could get a little extra intel out of this conversation.

"Stop stalling, I see no reason to tell you anything, Evil Overlord!" the hero posed magnificently, sword extended and glittering in the sunlight that came in through the new skylights. He didn't know who was on mirror duty up there today, but they were getting a raise.

"We're from the Church of Rabinna," the young man with the lute offered, stepping forward into the light.

"Rabinites? Really? They just do not take no for an answer do they. Okay, pop quiz, kids. What's the biggest threat to the stability of our country today?"

"Godless heathens threatening the morals of our communities. Witches and their dark magics. Evil sorcerors who seize power from the rightful monarchy." The emperor had to admit, the kid had panache and presence. And he managed to keep that sword extended the whole time, in an incredible feat of strength, but it had started to waver a bit.

"Mmm, no. It is the ongoing drought in neighboring Altat. We're trade partners and our people speak mostly the same language, so when they go hungry, the people emigrate to better lands. The neighboring lords see their farm serfs as money-producing assets rather than a people and decide if they're going to lose people anyway, they might as well do so as conquerors. Vrida technically claims the highland plateau but the nomadic herding tribes up there are effectively indefensible, so if there's a bad harvest this fall, I expect to see Altanese armies in the eastern valleys by late spring next year.

"Second on the list is probably education. Those 'godless heathens' you're talking about, regardless of their religious practices, are often educated craftspeople and merchants. People with the means to get out early when they saw which way the wind is blowing; people who have brought their own wealth and skills and are almost always improve the quality of life in any community they settle in.

"But no, they get called godless or witches a lot due to our undereducated and church-educated populace. It's been extremely difficult to build infrastructure for secular youth education and orphanages with the Rabinites yapping in the ear of all the nobility. And the last thing the nobles want is people figuring out the don't need the nobility to live happy lives." The emperor stopped, realizing he was ranting. Or monologuing. That's what the kids call it these days, right?

The heroes, for their part hadn't interrupted. The lutist and the huntsman had thoughtful expressions. The tiny wizardess with the enormous hand-me-down pointy hat had even blanched. And their anointed leader had lowered his sword. There's a good chance he had them sold, though the swordsman could just be tired; swords were heavy.

"So what's your play here? You kill me, try to take over, get ousted by some of the better armed and better connected nobility, only to be conscripted into next year's war?" He paused, but stared them down to give them no room to speak. "Or, the four of you go back home, but work for me. You set up schools and negotiate on behalf of the crown with the nobility for land to put them on. Get your feet wet dealing with these kinds of people. There will probably be some .. militant objections, but the four of you are the kind of warriors that can solve those problems, are you not? In exchange, I pay you and teach you what you need to know about ruling a country."

"The Empire will not suffer another day of your--" the hero began before the wizardess slid up and pulled at his arm to get his attention. Not exactly Emperor material, that boy.

"We need a minute to confer with our colleagues, Evil Overlord," she said. The emperor waved his hand dismissively and they huddled up, whispering among themselves while the emperor went back to reading a report on banditry losses to Vridan trade in Altat. After a moment, they arrayed themselves once more.

"Very well, we accept, but know that we will not allow the crown any leeway on injustices," the hero announced.

"Wonderful!" the Emperor replied then rang a little bell to summon his minster. "I'll get things all set up."

The crossbowmen filed out from behind the upper level parapet they'd hidden behind. Marisa, one of his state security officers, appeared suddenly at his side.

"Thank you for not shooting the heroes right away," the Emperor told her, smoothly suppressing his surprise at her appearance. "Send someone to follow them."

"I'll have them go missing once they're out of the city, Emperor," she replied. He shook his head.

"No, not to kill them. Just keep them out of trouble," he corrected her, rubbing his forehead with one hand. You could take the girl out of the assassins, but perhaps not the assassin out of the girl.

"The boy's zealotry is going to cause problems. You trust too much, Emperor."

"I've never once regretted trying, Marisa. Not even the extreme cases," he implied, looking at her pointedly. She nodded and vanished, preferring to take it as a dismissal and retreat rather than respond.

"No detaining them either!" he shouted after her, realizing his mistake almost too late. He really needed to be more careful about that. Another work in progress.