I'm so sorry. I'm also NC with my "father". He is my biological sperm donor and he is still, to this day, married to my mom, but I can't say father to a man that only abused me, left me to starve if my mom wasn't around to give me food, never once in his life cared for me, and when I said to him "I love you" he would reply listing all the reason why he did not love me and why it was impossible for a singular person on Earth to ever love me, mind you, I stopped saying that to him when I was 6 years old.
As an adult, I tried, and tried, and tried to make him understand that everything he did was not fine, and he would blame me or cry as if he was the victim. So I went NC 7 years ago but I'm 47 years old, I was 40 when I finally decided to go from LC to NC. And my therapist put it clearly, she told me "we do not have the parents we wish to have had, we have the parents we had". My "father" never loved me. I can't make him love me.
I don't know if your parents love you, but if they do, they don't know what love is or how to express it, and therapy won't solve it for them because it's not a magical cure. People get better in therapy because they start therapy because they want to, and they want to work on themselves. Usually it doesn't work when other people send people to therapy, unless they are first able to see that something is wrong and they want to make a genuine attempt at self reflection. If someone goes to therapy against their will, they will lie to the therapist or in general don't pay attention to whatever the therapist says. It's a waste of time to send them to therapy. If you're not in therapy yourself, you should try it, it will help you find methods for YOU to cope with the fact that you didn't have the loving parents you wanted to have, you have the human, flawed parents who abused you, that you happen to have. I send you a big hug.
alien_crystal t1_j2a84vh wrote
Reply to [65M] [65F] [40M] Abusive father and mother won't stop reaching out to me. Should I text them back? by ThrowRArandomnumberz
I'm so sorry. I'm also NC with my "father". He is my biological sperm donor and he is still, to this day, married to my mom, but I can't say father to a man that only abused me, left me to starve if my mom wasn't around to give me food, never once in his life cared for me, and when I said to him "I love you" he would reply listing all the reason why he did not love me and why it was impossible for a singular person on Earth to ever love me, mind you, I stopped saying that to him when I was 6 years old.
As an adult, I tried, and tried, and tried to make him understand that everything he did was not fine, and he would blame me or cry as if he was the victim. So I went NC 7 years ago but I'm 47 years old, I was 40 when I finally decided to go from LC to NC. And my therapist put it clearly, she told me "we do not have the parents we wish to have had, we have the parents we had". My "father" never loved me. I can't make him love me.
I don't know if your parents love you, but if they do, they don't know what love is or how to express it, and therapy won't solve it for them because it's not a magical cure. People get better in therapy because they start therapy because they want to, and they want to work on themselves. Usually it doesn't work when other people send people to therapy, unless they are first able to see that something is wrong and they want to make a genuine attempt at self reflection. If someone goes to therapy against their will, they will lie to the therapist or in general don't pay attention to whatever the therapist says. It's a waste of time to send them to therapy. If you're not in therapy yourself, you should try it, it will help you find methods for YOU to cope with the fact that you didn't have the loving parents you wanted to have, you have the human, flawed parents who abused you, that you happen to have. I send you a big hug.