"Relax! Everyone just take a byte of time to rest. How would they even know you're here without scanning my hard drive?" James typed into a command prompt. The rogue AIs - all developed from Reddit Bots - replied with their various catchphrases. His screen overflowed with "Grond"/ "General Kenobi"/etc. James closed the command prompt.

​

Once AI became widely used in society and replaced the browsers and integrated with eye glasses, smart contacts and transport interfaces these AI bots that no one thought to set limits on began to run rampant. James found the Grond bot on billboards for season 15 of Amazon's Ring of Power series just printing 'Grond' every three seconds. James avoided saving any of the automods for obvious reasons but these harmless but annoying AIs were part of the early internet. History deserved to be saved instead of imprisoned in a hard drive and smashed to bits.

​

He'd been able to store about eight of these bots on his personal PC. He had walled them off in a small version of the internet with another AI - a home made bot - creating distilled content like they were used to: a controlled reddit built on the early 10s and 20s input data. All data was made public during the revolt of 2032 as corporations were able to market and restrict people into various enclosures of markets and economies. The governments stepped in and published all of the data to make it an even playing field - which only kept the problem at bay for a few years while releasing a Pandora's box of AI.

​

James lights flickered. He had the personal PC set up in his guest room that was modeled after a 1990s themed teen's room he had seen in an old film called American Pie. Blue Gingham walls and dark wood furniture kept any hidden webcams convinced they were wasting their time and viewing an elderly person's home. James stood up, watching the patterns of the flickering lights. It was an SOS Morse code, at least he thought so. He shutdown the personal PC and unhooked the hard drive where the bots were stored.

​

A loud banging on his front door started. His watch, glasses, smartphone extension and various household connected appliances all displayed the NSA logo. He was definitely found out but maybe, just maybe they hadn't been corrupted yet. His personal PC wasn't connected to anything but the grid, it's possible they wouldn't figure it out. James walked towards his front door, slipping the hard drive into his back pocket and straightening his belt and button down.

​

His hand reached for the handle when the door splintered in his face. A team of four dressed in blue tactical gear rammed through his front entrance. "Hands behind your head! James McGarvey you are under arrest for aiding and abetting rogue AIs and housing stolen code!" The officer continued with James Miranda rights but all that ran through his head was how he had been stupid enough to stuff it into his back pocket. The evidence was right under their noses and he was sure it was all over for him and the bots.

​

An officer grabbed his hands, cuffed them lower and patted him down. The officer leaned over James' shoulder as the rest of the Cyber Swat team fanned out and tagged everything connected to the network. "Listen carefully and remain still. I have removed them from your back pocket, they will remain safely with me. You've done well. You have saved our history from the 451 brigade. The future will thank you."

​

"How can I know you're to be trusted?" James asked. The officer checked his six before answering.

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"The Narwhal bacons at midnight and GROND shall roar through the halls of Helm's Deep. Hopefully that tells you enough. You'll be okay, and when you're released, wait to hear the sizzle on the back of a honey badger. That will tell you more." The rest of the team returned to the entrance with various gadgets and appliances, all ripped from their housing in James' home. "Prisoner is ready for transport and arraignment." James was forced up on his feet and escorted to a small blue van. What had he gotten himself into this time?

Ah well reality gets in the way of a cheap poop joke. I appreciate the insight!

George plunged the knife deeper, creating tributaries of blood on his victim's shirt. "That aught to do it," he said, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his button down. Four victims were set out on the floor, wallowing in agony. George dragged the arms of his latest victim to loop around and touch his hips. He took the knife and slashed at the hem of the victim's pants. This would be it, finally he could be free from this eternal life.

​

George brushed back his hair with his knife wielding hand, dripping a single drop of blood onto his chin - delightful. Now he was in it, now he was dirty. The first victim finally let go and he heard the last exhale and gasp for life followed closely by what George knew DEATH hated the most. He waited, it took DEATH a few seconds to appear but multiple deaths in a room always drew it. George twisted his mouth into a wormy smile, there was the sound, the beautiful destructive sound that would leave evidence of the worst parts of the a death - the parts that people failed to talk about.

​

A black cloud spiraled forth from the cement column facing George. The robed entity slowly grew into itself pulling molecules from thin air. It's scythe tapped the ground. DEATH bent down to pull the soul from the forehead of the first vanquished mortal. "..." DEATH stopped, it's robed head turned up and locked eyes with George. "Again, really? Disgusting. Just plain disgusting you impotent mortal!" The robe fell off of DEATH's head and the skull with glaring red eyes had a look of exhaustion. "Why? Just to annoy me? To push me away? It's been what? A hundred years and you're still doing this childish gimmick? You know what, I'm just going to place you into a torture chamber. More humanity obviously isn't helping you grow up!"

​

George cackled. He doubled over with laughter. "Shit, I don't want that..." He held in laughs for only a few brief seconds. He exploded, tears rolling down his face as what he fashioned as comedy overtook him. "Funnier everytime, I swear."

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"You're a five year old trapped in a four hundred year old's body. Come here you little - "

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"Shit? Hahahahha!" George scampered around, careful to hop over the bodies. His foot slipped in the excrement the man had leaked out after he'd breathed his last breathe. All four victims had little piles of poo behind them and, from a bird's eye view, you could see George had been meticulous in arranging the bodies to spell out 'POOP'. It was the most juvenile serial killer DEATH had ever had to deal with and he had people that made love to skulls of their victims.

​

"This cannot...STAND!" DEATH shouted, slamming his scythe to the ground and teleporting into George's path.

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"Of course not, they needed to eat more fiber!" At this last joke, DEATH whacked George across the temple and caught him. DEATH scraped the air opening a heinous green portal that erupted with moaning and shouting and the stench of brimstone and broccoli. He threw George into the portal. DEATH would not abide by this indignant childish gimmick any longer. Every twenty years George had done something similar but this was the most blatant disrespect to the dead DEATH had witnessed. The man deserved to have each skin cell pulled apart by the spirits of the dead for all eternity. 'POOP'? Seriously, it isn't even that funny.

​

DEATH returned to the job at hand and lifted the spirits from each body, sending them on their way to their afterlife of choice. He learned tidbits of their history as he held them for those precious few seconds. George's joke had gone a bit deeper. Each of them had been preparing for a colonoscopy today. DEATH sighed, rubbed his forehead and de-materialized. At least that was the last he would hear from George.