VariationX7

VariationX7 t1_jaemv3d wrote

I don't think there is a future relationship with this person OP, so you may want to move on from that. You know if you're able to do that while still being FWB's or not, if you can't then I think you should cut if off and distance yourself completely and stick to you resolve of moving on even if she comes running back.

Dating is stupid these days with the these committed labels

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VariationX7 t1_j6ngqw4 wrote

I suppose why I find it such a non-issue to me is because I can't relate to American tipping culture. He did his best and he wanted to do something special for your birthday, you might not have wanted anything expensive but he thought you deserved it. I don't know I suppose I would also feel some type of way if the focus was on something negative instead of the nice evening you spent. Also I don't think stopping an argument midway is really something that's healthy, you're just gonna bold up the emotions and that might turn to some form of resentment. As far as tipping I tip based on the service( you only tip at a few restaurants where I live) if the service is lacklustre I wouldn't tip 20% either

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VariationX7 t1_iyezbec wrote

And that means you can just cheat? It isn't a long time coming when you're in monogamous relationship, tell your husband the truth and go be with that guy then. You show no accountability, no remorse for you actions, no feeling sorry for your husband that he is raising children that aren't his and living a lie. You're beyond help, hope karma slaps you back.

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VariationX7 t1_iyeh4ed wrote

Reply to comment by shroomcitie in is this cheating? by [deleted]

Flirting and sexting is defo at least an emotional affair. Idk what to tell you, you clearly said you feel no remorse for being unfaithful, what are you gonna do the next time you feel curious and bored?

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VariationX7 t1_iyegh6x wrote

Of course it is, would it be cheating if it was a guy? It doesn't matter what gender they are, you are sexting and having an emotional affair so yes you are cheating. It baffles me how people can be this clueless.

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VariationX7 t1_iydq3o3 wrote

Reply to 8 years by [deleted]

What were you doing those 8 years? 8 years isn't struggling get your act together, If my SO and I didn't have a kid and she was out of doing something for multiple years and it wasn't due to something like crippling depression then I would be fed up as well. You might have had money, but that's not the same as bringing anything in, if you had a job you could have saved that all up for a downpayment on a house etc. As for what to do, try to be the best partner you can not just because you're gonna lose him, but make it a permanent change

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VariationX7 t1_iydm68u wrote

It does matter within reason, views on intimacy can be dealbreaker. Also stuff like infidelity in the past can most certainly be a dealbreaker, saying it doesn't matter removes all accountability from the decisions we made. If your partner isn't comfortable with your past then you weren't right for eachother in the first place.

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VariationX7 t1_iydlngu wrote

Why did you think it was lower? I couldn't tell you my exact number if I wanted to, I was pretty wild in my early teens and college so mine was significantly higher at your age, intimacy has changed for me a lot over the years specifically when I got with my current SO, before it was purely physical pleasure for me, so I had very casual approach to it, but now a lot of the enjoyment is the emotional side. As long as you're comfortable with your partners past and their views of intimacy align with yours I think that's what matters.

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VariationX7 t1_iydalun wrote

I would never take back someone who cheated and I can't say I understand the people who do. I would forgive in the sense that I wouldn't carry hate in my heart or wish anything bad happened to them, but I would never get back with them. Cheating doesn't inherently make you a bad person, but I think continuous lying and deceiving someone you "love" does. People can obviously change and learn from it which I hope they do. A good friend of mine cheated once on his ex, he felt true remorse and confessed himself the next day, they broke up and he focussed on himself and became a better person

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VariationX7 t1_iyd7ewg wrote

You're a serial cheater leave him alone. Also you didn't come clean, coming clean would mean confessing without getting caught. Have you thought about what you did to make be that way towards you? I doubt he just decided he wanted to sleep in another room, you only mentions his behavior, but what caused him to do that? Your remorse is never gonna be sincere, because you have already done it once and then you do it again? You're right your boyfriend does deserve better. Focus on yourself, discover why you keep cheating before getting in a relationship

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