I am like the opposite of you regarding water. Getting pulled under the surface in the pool have me little panic attacks. Diving more then two meters down leads to my ears hurting like they are going to rupture. Holding my breath for more then thirty seconds is nearly impossible.
But despite all that I have spend quite some time imagining being able to do what is so natural for you. Exploring the deep without having to worry about pressure, air or speed fascinated the former me. The intoxicating mixture of fear of the unknown and the freedom to do as I please. First and foremost the wish to be someone extraordinary. Unique. Powerful.
Now I remember these musings, not much more. Reality had to be accepted.
I'm saddened that your ability got you hurt so fundamentally. But I can't help but think of your daughter. She lives there now and seemingly cares deeply for you. She is strong and unfathomable in many aspects but the parental part in me urges you to go to her. Find her, develop a bond with her. That is my (entirely emotional) advice.
SingingBass t1_ja2596s wrote
Reply to The sea breeds giants. So did I. by girl_from_the_crypt
I am like the opposite of you regarding water. Getting pulled under the surface in the pool have me little panic attacks. Diving more then two meters down leads to my ears hurting like they are going to rupture. Holding my breath for more then thirty seconds is nearly impossible. But despite all that I have spend quite some time imagining being able to do what is so natural for you. Exploring the deep without having to worry about pressure, air or speed fascinated the former me. The intoxicating mixture of fear of the unknown and the freedom to do as I please. First and foremost the wish to be someone extraordinary. Unique. Powerful. Now I remember these musings, not much more. Reality had to be accepted.
I'm saddened that your ability got you hurt so fundamentally. But I can't help but think of your daughter. She lives there now and seemingly cares deeply for you. She is strong and unfathomable in many aspects but the parental part in me urges you to go to her. Find her, develop a bond with her. That is my (entirely emotional) advice.
Take care