I'm sorry bud, but... it isn't. From everything you've said, you're putting how you feel above what's best for her.

You want her to stay because you love her, and you feel like you can't live without her. Yes, you have money right now, but you've said that your wife is a better caretaker and has a closer bond to the child. If you were putting your daughter's needs before your feelings, you'd let her live with her mother, and provide financial support.

If the wife will be living with her parents, it's possible they can also help with raising the child. She won't be living alone in some dumpster, she'll have family that can care for her.

It's hard, but put your feelings aside. You can support financially and let her live with the more capable parent. It isn't a case of 'one or the other'.

You could give her a good life - but could you give her the best life she can have?

It sounds like the mother is better at caring for her, and she's more attached to her mother. It may be a "if you love her, let her go" situation - let her life with the parent that'll give her the best life. Ask the wife if you can pay child support, so that way you can take some of the burden off your wife and support your child.

Question: Would you not provide money if she moved? Even though she'll be in a different country, you could still send money to her online (I would get it clarified she'd be ok with this first - sending it unprompted would suck). That way you could help provide financially while still putting their needs first.

Of course, I don't know you, and so anything I say will be built on presumptions. But if you cheated twice, that sounds like poor impulse control, and perhaps a lack of emotional maturity. I feel like your daughter should live with the parent who'd best raise her, and it sounds to be her mother - by your own admission, she has a stronger bond with her mother.

Please take a breath. Look into some grounding and calming exercises. Do something to stop the spiral you are in.

I can't relate to the cheating, but I can relate to the guilt spiral and self-flagellation you're going through right now. It's hard to fight against - you feel guilty, realize feeling guilty is putting your emotions above those you hurt, feel guiltier, and the cycle continues.

But it's important to break that cycle. You cannot grow and mature without being able to learn to handle and accept these emotions. When caught in self-flagellation you'll never be able to mature, you'll just get trapped in that mentality and stagnate.

I encourage you to seek counseling, for the sake of yourself and for others.

r/SupportforWaywards may have resources (such as books) to help you reflect inward and grow to be a better person.

Info, if I may: Why do you think you'd give your daughter a better upbringing than the mother?

I know this is hard since we're emotional beings, but you need to put aside your feelings and truly, genuinely consider what's best for them, not what's best for you. Thinking of yourself and your needs only is what lead to the choice of cheating, and one of the best things you can do is begin to put the needs of others in high importance.

OH. Good eye, OP!

I can't spot it - what is it?

At first I thought it was more akin to some Eel.

I can't imagine this is real, especially considering 8 months ago you posted about accidentally calling yourself a registered sex offender. There's no way you fuck up by calling yourself sexually violent... twice.