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My high heels clicked loudly against stone tiles as I threw open the first door to the cellar I marched down the hallway. Blood oozed down the walls, but I ignored it. You would think that the All Seeing Horror of the Beyond could come up with a better way to scare me than illusionary blood. You would also be wrong, apparently. Sure, the first time he did it, I had been pretty alarmed. Now, though, it was just ambiance.

I unshackled the massive iron lock on the second door and strode through it, too. War had been declared and I intended victory. A massive trapdoor covered the Horror’s pit and I seized the handle and flung it open.

"Oh, All Shob!" I called out, using the nickname I knew he hated, "Come out, come out wherever you are!"

Chains rattled in the darkness and a single dark tentacle slid over the lip of the pit. A half dozen eyes opened and attempted to stare into my soul. Too bad I didn't have one.

"WhAt DoEs ThE lITtLe MoRsEl wAnT? ShAlL tHe GrEaT, AlLsEeInG oNe FiNaLlY fEaSt On YoUr FlEsH?" His voice was a mind twisting cacophony that attempted to chip away at my sanity. There was a greater evil to deal with, though.

"I want you to help me take down the HOA around here."

"WhY wOuLd ThIs GrEaT oNe Do ThAt?"

"Because they are making stupid rules. Rules they expect YOU to abide by, as well."

"PeTtY HuMaN rUlEs Do NoT mAtTeR tO tHiS oNe."

"Oh, so you won't mind if they come brick over the cellar and cut off your last hope of escaping your little pit, there? Alright, guess I'll leave you to it. Have fun." I gave a coquettish little wave as I turned away from the pit and strode towards the door. I made it three steps before I felt a goopy, wet tentacle land on my shoulder. Gross. I am going to have to burn this shirt, now. Assuming All Shob’s acid didn’t do it first.

“WhAt DoEs ThE lItTlE MoRsEl WaNt? YoU gAiN nOtHiNg By LeAvInG tHiS oNe FrEe.”

“Au contraire, my disgusting housemate,” I flicked the tentacle off of my shoulder as I turned back around, “There are other rules that I find to be… unappealing.”

“oH?”

“They’re trying to ban us from going anywhere after dark and make me get rid of my blackout curtains.”

“So? SiMpLy TrAvErSe ThE lAnDs At A bRigHtEr HoUr.”

“I’m a VAMPIRE. That doesn’t work.” Three of All Shob’s eyes blinked at me in confusion. I rolled my own eyes at him. “Sunlight would kill me, Dumb Dumb.”

“Ah. So ThIs Is WhAt Is ReQuIrEd To DeVoUr YoUr SoUl.”

I rolled my eyes again. For a being that was supposedly “All Seeing,” he was really dense.

“Vampires don’t have souls. You know who does? Susan Malany of the HOA.”

“WhY dO yOu NoT tAkE iT fOr YoUrSeLf?”

“Not in my skillset.” I idly checked my fingernails as I waited for All Shob to catch on. How slow could an ancient being from beyond reality be?

“ThIs GrEaT oNe WiLl NoT hElP ThE mOrSeL wItH tHIs,” He finally decided.

My fangs shone in the dim room as I looked up and met all dozen of his eyes. Red light reflected back at me as I grinned. “Oh, All Shob, of course you will.” His multicolored eyes slowly shifted to red as I mesmerized him.

Or even depending on which character's perspective you follow.