MarMar9292
MarMar9292 t1_j2d5zzt wrote
Reply to [30F] [33M] Me and my husband are living with his family since 2 years and things are bad, it always felt like him and his family vs me. He says all the issues are my fault and keep insisting his family likes me and treats me well. I disagree, thoughts? by [deleted]
if anyone could also let me know about things that I have been wondering for a while, were my "requests" so bad? was his family right to be offended?
He says they had to change their lifes completely because of those "requests" but the only things that they currently actively do is not use the bathroom and not eat from my groceries which I don't feel is a crazy life change?
His sister told him that she was so scared to eat from the fridge now, in case some of the things in there were mine. She could just ask me but she never did because its too much work... she just sounds overly dramatic. And that's just one example, his whole family is like this.
MarMar9292 t1_j2d533w wrote
Reply to comment by WildlyUninteresting in [30F] [33M] Me and my husband are living with his family since 2 years and things are bad, it always felt like him and his family vs me. He says all the issues are my fault and keep insisting his family likes me and treats me well. I disagree, thoughts? by [deleted]
the plan is to get me a place so I dont have to "deal" with his family and then see if things get better between us when I am not "in a bad mood" because of them.
MarMar9292 t1_j2d5005 wrote
Reply to comment by BloomsLawsPoems in [30F] [33M] Me and my husband are living with his family since 2 years and things are bad, it always felt like him and his family vs me. He says all the issues are my fault and keep insisting his family likes me and treats me well. I disagree, thoughts? by [deleted]
I was afraid of that as well, he told me he was too depressed by the situation (me "ruining" the family) to bother looking for something else.
I really tried to explain it as logical as possible because I don't want to influence anyone and want to see what people think. I have been told for 2 years that all is my fault but its like I can see things he doesnt (or his family lies to him and play pretend) so I don't really know where is the truth into all that.
MarMar9292 t1_j2d45th wrote
Reply to comment by BloomsLawsPoems in [30F] [33M] Me and my husband are living with his family since 2 years and things are bad, it always felt like him and his family vs me. He says all the issues are my fault and keep insisting his family likes me and treats me well. I disagree, thoughts? by [deleted]
I mostly wrote that down to avoid things like insults or comments like "you're stupid". I posted a similar post before (with a lot less details) and people said some pretty rough things.
MarMar9292 t1_j2d3xoc wrote
Reply to comment by WildlyUninteresting in [30F] [33M] Me and my husband are living with his family since 2 years and things are bad, it always felt like him and his family vs me. He says all the issues are my fault and keep insisting his family likes me and treats me well. I disagree, thoughts? by [deleted]
I didnt really have many options (I couldnt find a place, I couldnt just go back to my country as it would almost automatically cancel my visa and it was just a no return solution that I couldnt do) so I just try to wait. I was mostly waiting for him to get a job which he should start next year. He offered to help me get an apartment and we will see how things go from there.
MarMar9292 t1_j2d3j06 wrote
Reply to comment by AngryTudor1 in [30F] [33M] Me and my husband are living with his family since 2 years and things are bad, it always felt like him and his family vs me. He says all the issues are my fault and keep insisting his family likes me and treats me well. I disagree, thoughts? by [deleted]
No need to apologize.
I agree that long distance was easier for him. He could go see his friends when he wanted, did not have to deal with things that comes with living with your partner and he could spend as much time with his family as he wanted. But the separation was also difficult for him so we both thought this would actually make things better.
He has also been dealing with depression (from the situation as well) so I didn't blame him for not being as involved.
At first his family said they liked me a lot, but it started getting "bad" because him and I had issues (from the long distance and other things that we were actually working on pretty well) and his family couldnt help but get involve. He also didnt help because he would talk about the issue with them. I dont know if it is a normal things or not, I only have my mom left and we are not close so I dont really do that.
But this and my "requests" kinda started the whole thing. Even thought he still claimed that whole time that they like me just fine.
He just got a job so I hope that will help, he was feeling really bad about not being able to land a job. He is also gonna rent me something but he wont come with me, he said he think we need space. I am not sure if its gonna help or not but at this point I just want to get away from his family.
He mentioned that he doesnt really love me romantically but hope it will come back when the tensions coming from living here go away as well. It is just really frustating to me because I feel like those issues are all coming from his family and he let them do that to us :(
MarMar9292 t1_j2d2sn0 wrote
Reply to comment by WildlyUninteresting in [30F] [33M] Me and my husband are living with his family since 2 years and things are bad, it always felt like him and his family vs me. He says all the issues are my fault and keep insisting his family likes me and treats me well. I disagree, thoughts? by [deleted]
The long distance was mostly failing because of me not being able to deal with the separation (mostly the whole year apart during covid since borders got closed down), so the issues we are having now, I did not expect them. We also saw each others a lot, at least before covid, and things were good.
MarMar9292 t1_j2d67ik wrote
Reply to comment by WildlyUninteresting in [30F] [33M] Me and my husband are living with his family since 2 years and things are bad, it always felt like him and his family vs me. He says all the issues are my fault and keep insisting his family likes me and treats me well. I disagree, thoughts? by [deleted]
Mostly because its a decision that would be unchangeable and I still love him and hope things will get better. I feel like we still have not given it enough of a chance. I left a lot of things behind and I would like to try everything I can before giving up and going back because it would be for good.
He doesnt want to move with me because he wants a break to hopefully catch feelings again.
I was not very happy with this option, it sounded a lot like he was trying to just get rid of me but to me its the last solution.