I honestly don't know, because you lack persistence. You try things once and then meh, didn't work. Which is fine, I get it, I've been there way too many times.

Thing is, you're 23, you said your depressions started at about 7 years old. That's 16 years. After all this time, and let me be frank here, your brain is fucked up beyond holistic approach. Holistic as in meditation, sport, nutrition, thinking happy thoughts.

Thing about depression is, what starts as a mental symptome can become a physical symptome. Depression literally fries synapses and transmitters in your brain that transmit serotonin and dopamine and they cannot be restored without medication, I'm sorry to break it to you.

Antidepressants rebuild these connections in your brain. Yes there are antidepressants that will make you foggy, make you lose your sex drive, make you gain weight etc. But there are also alot that don't. Alot that actually help you in combination with therapy. It's the only advice I can give you, I'm sorry. I know it's hard. I've been there. I also refused antidepressants for the very longest time and thought I just had to get myself together, but that just didn't work. But in the end, what works for one doesn't have to for someone else. But you need to seek any form of medical help. And it takes time to even find the right GP nowadays, no matter where you're from. I know how fucked up the American medial system is. I'm German, ours is not better, you have to wait for up to a year to see a specialist or find a therapy spot, it's just free. The British health system is a joke too. I know it's hard, I know it's alot. But wanting to better yourself and get better is already the first step. You can't do this all by yourself.

Bro your parents didn't even have it all together. Otherwise they wouldn't have projected their being overwhelmed by literally torturing you throughout your childhood. Nobody has it together. We all just pretend. And all the people you see that seem to have it all together are struggling on another part of their life that you don't see because they don't let you.

I am not a doctor or therapist. I have watched too much Grey's anatomie and new amsterdam probably but your medical history of probable malnutrition might also play a role in all of this. This is a rat's tail with no end unless you find help.

Because you're trying alone and unmedicated and with a brain chemistry like this, that doesn't work. You're trying to tell yourself you have to be 100% in control but you don't and you aren't. Your parents were shitty, the school system failed you, the legal system failed you, you're failing yourself. That's alot of people involved for one single person to be able to handle the outcome, don't you think?

You really need to get checked out. A headache before crying is not normal... after a long crying session maybe/sometimes but before?

That headache you're talking about... is it metaphorical?

Therapists are "the best" on paper. You habe to chose who works with you and what way works for you. Not every therapist has the same approach, not every therapist has the same energy with you. Nothing works after 4 sessions, that therapist can't be "the best" if she gives up on patients that quickly. You were a piece of work for her, she wasn't patient enough to really work with you. Heck my therapy lasted almost 3 years, some people go to weekly or biweekly sessions for 10, 20 years. You go until you see improvement and then some. But you can't be walking around with bipolar and not being medically overlooked somehow. You're on a path of self destruction.

This is beyond reddit. You need a therapist. Your problems (in this capacity, especially involving mental illness and abuse) cannot and should not be solved by strangers on the internet, but by trained medical professionals.

Edit: one word

That dog is bored and misses their mom... I know it sounds stupid but try to put yourself into the dogs... shoes? Paws? Dogs have a daily routine, if your friend is fine enough to have a phone call, ask her about it... if she's too sick, make one yourself. Go for walks, alot of walks, long walks. Let the dog sniff around for stimulation. You can very easily DIY some fidget toys with treats and old towels or a dollar tree blanket or depending on the size of the dog, empty toilet paper rolls even.

Make sure to tell your friend to never ask you for this favor ever again though.... some people are not empathetic enough for pets... not ment to attack you, my best friend literally hates all animals unless they're on a plate, she got other qualities 🤷‍♀️