You’re not being mean, I am aware it’s overthinking. And I found the article extremely neat and helpful so thanks to OP!

I always have to consider the power dynamics and social implications of gift giving and receiving. When I receive a great gift, I don’t feel joy or gratefulness (well, I do, but it’s greatly overshadowed by: OH no, how am I ever going to properly reciprocate the value of this gift to the person. They’ve listened to my interests and picked something very special and meaningful, and now the burden is on me to do the same back and to do an even better job in order to keep this relationship going properly”. AKA the one-upmanship mentioned by the author of this article. Now is that a true analysis? According to Mauss, yes it is. Even if people don’t say it consciously, subconsciously there is a tally going regarding reciprocation and putting equal effort into a relationship. The gifts in his studies are even destroyed- it’s not about the goods at ALL, it is purely about the message that is being sent and it’s a sensitive political message that puts the safety of your tribe at risk. That being said, Mauss studied tribes of people interacting with others who actually often have a tenuous wider political relationship. It’s not really as applicable to personal one on one relationships. I still can’t shake it though. Intellectually, I have not been able to persuade myself that it will affect my social standing greatly to give a bad gift. Better to avoid the risk than to get it wrong and damage a relationship by forgetting that they don’t like chocolate or something. And that’s my master class on using anthropological texts to fuel your social anxiety.

Edit: it’s been a while since I read the original text so if I forgot anything or got something wrong, please let me know!

I read The Gift by Marcel Mauss in high school and it literally ruined gift exchange for me forever (in an interesting way, at least).