I live in western Europe, that's thankfully not a worry of mine

Ya know, fair enough. If that was what I did this for, this issue would be way easier to solve.

I am aware that what you're saying is very valid. I am aware that my ideas may change but I simply cannot see that happening. I believe (sometimes ignorantly) myself to be a very careful person, I like to think of what-ifs all the time, as a sort of preparation. Me returning to religion hasn't crossed my mind as a what-if, though. Although my talk with my mom has very much come over as a rash and sudden decision, my very first serious doubt of religion came about when I read a fictional book when I was 12. It has been very slowly and gradually eating at me that I cannot grow up like this. What seemed a few years ago like something I hoped to grow out of, in all perverted honesty, has now turned into a reality I have no choice but to embrace. The reality I speak of is not my belief or disbelief, it is the relationship between me and my family. I cannot and do not see my disbelief as something that may change. At least not yet, and because of that, I am afraid.