A lot of good advice I've seen, but just to add to it:
It isn't just about a "timeline", I would also make sure that the both of you discuss what you might want out of this relationship: "are you liking how things are going?" "I am in a place where I want to be more serious, are you also in that place?" "Are you looking for something serious or something casual?" I know that can be a heavy conversation (you're both adults, though, and having a slightly heavy conversation should be doable and understandable after a month of dating, if he can't have such a conversation then that's a huge red flag), but if this guy just wants something casual and isn't planning on getting serious for a while and you want to be serious then you may want to start dating other guys. Definitely its both of y'alls decisions/feelings that need to be addressed. There's nothing wrong with him wanting something casual, but if it's not what you want (or if you don't want to wait for months or years down the road) then theres nothing wrong with that either. As long as everyone is respectful and understanding you can still be friends but choose to date others.
My partner and I became exclusive within a couple weeks of meeting but it's because we both wanted that. I've had many friends who took years to be exclusive but it's because, again, they both weren't ready for exclusivity at that point in their lives. It usually only gets bad when people want different things and different levels of commitment with no plans or expectations of change in the near future.
Ultimately, if this guy is ghosting you or scared off because you were ready to commit before he was then that's pretty sad. I guess I'm not sure how "butt hurt" or "defensive" you got, but it's also understandable you felt a little disappointed and upset. How bad was your reaction? You weren't throwing things or cussing him out or anything right? You likely wouldn't want someone who can't understand that other people have different desires, wants, and needs and being in a relationship (even just at the casual dating phase) is about respecting, understanding, mediating, and supporting those differences. Don't be scared to let the other person know that you want to be more serious, you just have to also respect if they don't want to be serious in return.
DarcBoltRain t1_iwn2eoq wrote
Reply to TIFU by asking for exclusivity too early on in the relationship by [deleted]
A lot of good advice I've seen, but just to add to it:
It isn't just about a "timeline", I would also make sure that the both of you discuss what you might want out of this relationship: "are you liking how things are going?" "I am in a place where I want to be more serious, are you also in that place?" "Are you looking for something serious or something casual?" I know that can be a heavy conversation (you're both adults, though, and having a slightly heavy conversation should be doable and understandable after a month of dating, if he can't have such a conversation then that's a huge red flag), but if this guy just wants something casual and isn't planning on getting serious for a while and you want to be serious then you may want to start dating other guys. Definitely its both of y'alls decisions/feelings that need to be addressed. There's nothing wrong with him wanting something casual, but if it's not what you want (or if you don't want to wait for months or years down the road) then theres nothing wrong with that either. As long as everyone is respectful and understanding you can still be friends but choose to date others.
My partner and I became exclusive within a couple weeks of meeting but it's because we both wanted that. I've had many friends who took years to be exclusive but it's because, again, they both weren't ready for exclusivity at that point in their lives. It usually only gets bad when people want different things and different levels of commitment with no plans or expectations of change in the near future.
Ultimately, if this guy is ghosting you or scared off because you were ready to commit before he was then that's pretty sad. I guess I'm not sure how "butt hurt" or "defensive" you got, but it's also understandable you felt a little disappointed and upset. How bad was your reaction? You weren't throwing things or cussing him out or anything right? You likely wouldn't want someone who can't understand that other people have different desires, wants, and needs and being in a relationship (even just at the casual dating phase) is about respecting, understanding, mediating, and supporting those differences. Don't be scared to let the other person know that you want to be more serious, you just have to also respect if they don't want to be serious in return.