I understand man. I'm currently in the military, in a leadership position. If I admitted to exactly what I was going through, there's no doubt I would be on my way out. I too cannot afford to lose what I have. I'm married with 2 kids and my wife is currently in school. If I got kicked out, I'd lose everything. It's pretty shitty that being entirely transparent with a doctor can result in something like that. My advice is to not divulge everything, even though that may be slightly unethical to you. It took me 3 years of awful anxiety, depression, and insomnia until I was able to swallow some of my pride and accept that I needed to be helped. It's one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. I sat in my car for 2 hours outside the emergency room trying to work up the nerve, after coming to grips with the fact that my issues where no longer controllable. There is absolutely no shame in it. It seems to me we share some of the same characteristics. Both pretty high functioning with our issues and both in stressful positions. At the end of the day, you need to make some hard decisions. I started medication about 3 months ago. I found pretty immediate relief from my insomnia with the medications, but the rest took awhile. Recently ive found myself having the will and strength to do other things except my job. Just consider it for me, please.

Hey man, don't beat yourself up too much. In the future, only drink with those that you can confide in. I'm a very emotional drunk and I get it. Second, get some help buddy. Or at least promise me you'll look into it. I just started meds and regular therapy sessions. I do feel better. Do your best to change what you can. I'm rooting for you man. PM if you want to.