You're welcome, young Padawan.

Ok. Will don't tell her you're into any other type of women that isn't exactly her.

Yup. And why would she ask you if you have an Asian fetish? You probably won't have to lie because she probably won't ask you. But if she does, you lie your ass off...

So wait, she's your fiance then? I just want to make sure I'm understanding this situation...

My bride? I've never heard anyone say that unless they were literally talking about their wife or fiance.

And you're 18 and getting married? You sure that's a great idea? How about waiting like 10 years...

Yeah, but you also have to use your brain. First think "could this piss off my wife?" If the answer is yes, don't fucking tell her.

Yeah. Obviously don't tell her.

Is she Asian?

Maybe don't call it a date. That puts pressure on it. Just make it super casual. She'll probably get the idea that you're interested by saying you want to get to know her better. Either platform is probably fine, but Instagram messages seems better to me for some reason.

I know, but years down the road if you get worn down you'll have an easy out. For now maybe just try to get her in couples counseling or just take it day by day.

Yeah that sucks bro. Well honestly, they both suck, but yours probably sucks more. At least you've got an easy "out" if you decide to go that route.

Don't be funny. Just say "hey, I thought it would be cool to get to know you better. Can I buy you some coffee?"

Oh yeah, way different. My wife is going to tell me why she's pissed off and also tell me about everyone else who pissed her off during the day. 😆

That's a major difference with my situation and yours. My wife desperately loves me and really doesn't want our marriage to end. I don't think we would have made it this far if she sometimes said she wanted out. Best of luck bro. You've got the best years of your life in front of you, so make the best of them.

Not really. I've been in a sexless marriage for years, so sex once a month sounds amazing. Probably the best thing would be marriage counseling.

Totally. My wife is a great person and a great mother. She's incredibly caring and people really like her. But those people also don't live with her and see the huge emotions. On her bad days it's like an emotional tornado of anger and tears where you feel like literally anything you say will get attacked. These are all just things to consider. You're only 18 so you've got a long way to go before you actually consider marrying someone (I hope), and in all honesty you'll probably date other people before you finally do settle down (or just decide not to get married). Just don't feel like you can't leave the relationship because of the disorder. It doesn't make you a bad person or a jerk in any way. She got dealt some bad cards, but it doesn't mean you have to deal with those consequences.

Not guaranteed, but probably will at some point. Plus she'll never be able to shake this worry that he will.

Dude- I know exactly what you're talking about. Like you can't tell her things because you can't say it on bad days but you're worried it will totally tank good days. That's just not normal bro. After you get to be an old dude like me you'll see how much this kind of relationship affects your stress level. Also, you'll find yourself just bottling up your feelings because you don't feel safe sharing them.

Slept together like sex I'm assuming. Honestly, why do you want to be with someone you can't trust? That feeling will never go away. I know you love him, but you'll find someone else and your feelings for this dude will die down.

My advice: as soon as things seem pretty difficult for you I would do couples counseling. And maybe start putting that seed out there now about how couples counseling is a good thing. For the first 10 years in my marriage my wife thought therapy was just for crazy people and would get really angry if I suggested it, and to get couples counseling just meant we had a failed marriage. Since she started regular therapy her life has definitely changed for the better. It's important that you are both in it to improve your relationship.

What was the extent of cheating? Sex? Just kissing? Emotional cheating?

Please keep in mind that this condition will never go away or "get better." It could improve through therapy or medication, but it still could have an impact on your mental health. Also, keep in mind that it could get worse, especially if kids get in the picture. I've been with my wife for 14 years and she has an anxiety disorder that results in pretty extreme emotions and anger on occasion. It has gotten better after about 2 years of therapy, but the 14 years of constantly worrying if she's going to have a bad day have definitely taken a toll on my mental health and our relationship. I'm not saying you should immediately dump her, but you sound just like I did 14 years ago and it has been a very, very difficult road. Do I love my wife? Yes, but more like a friend that I live with than a wife I should be mentally/emotionally attracted to.

Agreed.

It's not. It's helping you realize that this guy was an abusive ass and that you would be much happier with someone else who is better for you.