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Textification t1_j22965x wrote

Everyone knows that Putin likes a popsicle after each meal.

As a side note, is this some weird idea to improve morale? "We know you will probably die in Ukraine, so we will pay for your sperm to live so that your genetic line may survive for the glory of Russia!!"

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o_MrBombastic_o t1_j22al8t wrote

With what funds? Yeah don't worry guys we're sending into a meat grinder without funding for proper training or equipment and who we cremated to hide total loses we totally got you back home this is something we're going to cover 😉

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HobGoblin2 t1_j22b37o wrote

They will probably collect it in little pots before the cameras and then, when nobody is looking, just throw it into the mobile incinerators they are using to hide all the bodies.

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jpbarber414 t1_j22bdxt wrote

Sounds like pretty much an admission to "don't expect to come back" but can you produce more offspring?

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Moot_Points t1_j22bloc wrote

"Also, when you return from the front lines, we can use this frozen dna to identify your remains."

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autotldr t1_j22c15a wrote

This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 42%. (I'm a bot)

> Russian reservists called up to fight in Ukraine as part of Russia's recent mobilization drive will be eligible for free sperm-freezing procedures, state-run media reported on Wednesday, citing a lawyers' association that represents military families hoping to secure state funding for the procedure.

> Igor Trunov, who heads the Russian Union of Lawyers, told the TASS news agency that the government had approved his request for financial aid to pay for sperm freezing, the storage of biomaterial in a cryobank, and infertility treatment for soldiers.

> More than 300,000 reservists have so far been called up to fight in Russia's "Special military operation" in Ukraine in what was the country's first mobilization since World War II. Independent media has verified the deaths of over 10,000 Russian soldiers in the 10 months since the military was ordered to invade Ukraine.

Extended Summary | FAQ | Feedback | Top keywords: military^#1 Russian^#2 Ukraine^#3 Russia's^#4 soldiers^#5

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HobGoblin2 t1_j22c2rk wrote

Replying to jpbarber414 (#1,135,912)

Make them think that their 'spirit' will live on, even if they don't. Classic.

They probably even have lots of kidnapped Ukranian women, chained up in hostels, that they are hoping to impregnate with the sperm of their dead.

Chilling and skin crawling.

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loud-spider t1_j22c80f wrote

Small print - Only applies to Winter period and freezing is in situ.

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j1mmyB3000 t1_j22dmxe wrote

The russians probably just mix it all together, pickle it and leave it sitting outside anyway. That’s how lots of russian soldiers are made.

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Hotfish69 t1_j22e0hh wrote

They'll be quite the after-market for all this Russian jizz. Maybe?

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WalleyeFishingFool t1_j22eh6t wrote

You watch they're going to start stealing Ukrainian women to bare the children just to go in to fight their heritage. Fucking Russians, evil is what evil does, I'm ashamed to even think they are a fellow human. I have always thought they would have some sort of humanity, thought we shared the love of Jesus but who the fuck are they? What the fuck...

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Tonydz77 t1_j22eoyd wrote

They can’t give them working guns but this?

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HobGoblin2 t1_j22f8pw wrote

NATO should intercept all that sperm and then reverse engineer it. Make little dolls out of it and perform mock interrogations and low key torture/tickles on it. Might be able to glean some intelligence out of some of it, and for the rest we just hand it over to Ukraine to make grenades out of.

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Sheeles t1_j22fmpu wrote

How many children have they stolen for the war effort.

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Sianthe t1_j22fydz wrote

So the women will be used as breeding mares? What a twisted way of thinking!

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Wicam t1_j22gizn wrote

might be hard with them being mobalized...

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Yelmel t1_j22gw1r wrote

Well here it is folks. When a dictator and a bunch of kleptos used to sucking each others' dicks get together and decide on continuity plans, here's what they come up with. Another reason democracy will always beat autocracy. They just can't think contingencies - they'll always do the stupidest shit. I bet nobody in the room even floated the idea of ending the war.

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ForestRanger42 t1_j22ikos wrote

I guess kidnapping orphans isn’t the play they thought it would be.

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Scared-Conflict-653 t1_j22jruv wrote

No way this won't end bad, somehow. Don't know yet, but essentially, those future kids are governmental property for now.

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SaltCow4298 t1_j22kua3 wrote

Sorry that is already happening da they are freezing them off swear Russians are odd

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NEILBEAR_EXE t1_j22n64q wrote

They are aware that collecting and freezing the sperm is the easy part right?

All the horrific implications aside. Say a soldier is killed. And his widow wants to use this sperm to have a child. Are they just gonna give her a turkey baster and a cup with microwave instructions on the side?

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kumareZ t1_j22nnxu wrote

One pot and russian roulette.

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AmericanMinotaur t1_j22nw2f wrote

Replying to WalleyeFishingFool (#1,136,428)

I know that this war is ghastly but keep in mind we are seeing the worst side of the Russian people right now. They are literally sending convicts to fight. They have been fed propaganda for years and anyone who speaks out has an ‘accident’. This war has devastated their economy and will likely affect the children in the future who currently have no control over what’s going on. There are some horrible Russians and their are some noble Russians, but mostly there are just Russians who are normal people like us. They are victims of this war as well, even if they don’t believe it. I say this not to be preachy, but because I know that it can be hard to see the good in the world sometimes, but at the end of the day there still are good people. Never give up hope my friend. 🙂

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Pristine_Power_8488 t1_j22oelm wrote

Nothing says victory like ensuring your dead ass can still father kids.

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kilroy211 t1_j22p5g5 wrote

Replying to falcon_640 (#1,137,447)

Actually, all received soldier’s samples will be thrown out for national security.

Will be replaced with exquisite samples from Czar Putin - who remains master strategist!

“Special Operation Rub & Tug”

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lozbrudda t1_j22q5zw wrote

Replying to notausernamesixty9 (#1,136,015)

So the reality is sadly we all could've seen this war coming. Russia has been airing anti Ukraine propaganda for a while now. But also Russia has been preparing their economy for this exact event.

World War 2 took a long ass time, and War isn't cheap. The Germans were seriously spread thin by the end of the war. I would be interested to know about sanctions and other contributing factors.

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No_Low_2541 t1_j22qsak wrote

“Sir, we are here for our mandatory masturbation!”

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Draviddavid t1_j22s6ij wrote

Why do people keep reposting this article. I must have seen it 10 times since yesterday.

−2

wanted_to_upvote t1_j22syo5 wrote

You can have a jacket and boots or your sperm frozen. Thawing will cost $5k.

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goatmash t1_j22xn1x wrote

Wouldn't wanna further reduce Russia's genetic diversity.

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BTTammer t1_j22z65z wrote

Plot twist: it's just a pamphlet telling them to jerk off into the snow.

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danielbot t1_j232z0h wrote

Advanced Russian sperm freezing system: they dip their testicles in a bowl of liquid nitrogen. After all, they won't be needing those where they're going.

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AfterYam9164 t1_j2330ex wrote

"Nyet... we said we were freezing our balls off out here... hello? Hello?!?" -future russian corpse with russian comms equipment.

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Big_Scratch8793 t1_j24dw5g wrote

A new chance at life, without the Russia world even from an egg and sperm level? 🤔

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Lazorgunz t1_j24f2ed wrote

Bullshit, Lavrov is just thirsty

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Phx86 t1_j24iu06 wrote

Your lineage can continue!

I'm coming back, right?

...

I'm coming back, right?

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Icy_Baby_2553 t1_j25bh88 wrote

It was a mistranslated, I believe they meant Russian men get to freeze their balls off in Ukraine for free this winter.

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Karma_Canuck t1_j25cyq4 wrote

Interesting.

Must be a "different budget" than their military's.

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recockulous-too t1_j25dvw4 wrote

My guess is they will pretend to do it but the “donation” will actually come from Putin and his buddies that haven’t fallen down stairs.

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yamaha2000us t1_j25pj2v wrote

Yes Comrade, To ensure the future of Mother Russia, we need you to ejaculate into this cup.

But no gay bro…

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LeoBrok3n t1_j26cguw wrote

Russia is so disorganized that her kid will come out black.

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Captain_Jack_Daniels t1_j26cvgh wrote

So boomers were all about talking shit to millennials dissuading many to have kids, and only now that they’re retiring and see their retirements at risk to demographic problems are they pushing for kids to the extent of Roe v Wayde.

Seems to be a global trend?

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MassholeLiberal56 t1_j26htpt wrote

Bet you anything that the oligarchs will quietly replace most donated samples with their own.

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MrEntropy44 t1_j26nuw2 wrote

Lol they cant figure out how to produce socks and they announce this.

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eremite00 t1_j26rnt2 wrote

That wouldn't seem to inspire much confidence on the parts of Russian soldiers regarding their chances of returning.

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CerealSpiller22 t1_j2755me wrote

Implemented by sending mobilized troops into battle without winter clothing.

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Emergency_Ad_4870 t1_j279fxr wrote

Great . Freeze the poor people jizz. Can you imagine doing that in America . Nobody cares about vets here .

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simpleguyau t1_j27qrbb wrote

So once they are shot or blown up in the Ukraine, they freeze in the snow , and the special Russian sperm recovery team comes and cuts their frozen nuts off

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