MarkinDC24 t1_j3ck06m wrote on January 7, 2023 at 4:27 PM

Reply to comment by idkyikeepmakingnew1s in Residentially Unstable by idkyikeepmakingnew1s

You will be fine. Just find a schedule and take things one step at a time. I hope you have or find a network to support you. If you ever need faith in “good people”, re-read some of these comments. There are a lot of good natured people out there.

I hope you take advance of the shelters in our area. And, I can not say it enough, you are more likely to thrive not just survive when you deal with your trauma. Choose you and find a mental health therapist ASAP. Things will start to become a lot less foggy, hard to plan, and stable if you utilize mental health resources.

Best of luck!

No-Yoghurt9348 t1_j3juo9a wrote on January 9, 2023 at 1:46 AM

As a person who has gone through this and many other horrors, can I say that it is infuriating to hear, "You will be fine." No, many people do not end up "fine" and it is dismissive of very real and tangible problems with SURVIVAL. Me and my kids were in this situation for ten years and we were never "fine" and considering all the intense trauma, we will never be "fine". Maybe we'll get through it eventually, but I don't consider 3 cases of life long PTSD to be "fine".

Encouragement and kindness is one thing, but please be mindful of language that is dismissive of reality, It's gaslighting.

MarkinDC24 t1_j3jwfn1 wrote on January 9, 2023 at 1:58 AM

While I respect your opinion, I do not agree with your claim that I am “gaslighting” anyone.

I can respect that based off your experience you are of the opinion that I was dismissing some of the issues the OP was/is having. What you might not have learned yet, assumptions often lead us to miscommunication. Asking intent is a tool to learn, specifically learn people’s intention. With that said: Gaslighting involves intent, if you ask me. My intent was to reassure the OP, not dismiss or belittle what he has/will experience, so accusing me of gaslighting seems hostile - at best.

I am sorry you suffer from PTSD. I hope you have found the tools or resources to manage your PTSD. And, I sincerely hope you and your children are doing well.

I will continue to learn, reflect, and offer advice.

No-Yoghurt9348 t1_j4jc70j wrote on January 16, 2023 at 2:59 AM

I'm sorry, when I said gaslighting, I should have said, "it can be triggering and feel like gaslighting to those who historically have not been heard." Most gaslighting is not done with conscious intent, it's more like confirmation bias. Traumatized people's amygdalas are hyper-reactive and extra-sensitive, so when they hear, "It's going to be fine,", it often can arrive in their brains as, "You have not tried hard enough. You did everything wrong. Stop complaining, shut up and leave me alone." Sadly.

The good news is that if they manage to pull themselves out, they will slowly build up the "I can do this, I will be ok" muscle....Personally I was able to build it up once I got trauma-specialized therapist who acknowledged deeply that I got dealt a really bad hand and life really did suck bad. So now I know and try to share when I can. :-) Thanks for listening.

MarkinDC24 t1_j4kw1ct wrote on January 16, 2023 at 12:59 PM

Thank you so much for sharing! I read your post in its entirety and get what you are saying. I know communication is not just what is said but also how it is received. Often, I do not know or think about how what I say is received. With that in mind, I appreciate you sharing how my comment could/is [be] triggering.

As I am going to volunteer with communities experiencing homelessness this year, I will ensure to remember your comments to be supportive - and not trigger anyone. Do no harm and support is my intent.

Thank you for supporting me in learning!

No-Yoghurt9348 t1_j5alfv8 wrote on January 21, 2023 at 4:34 PM

Aww, that is so sweet. We all misspeak sometimes, it is part of being human and I believe society has been much too aggressive in "cancelling" humans who do. I choose to believe that most humans are good and that having the courage to share thoughts with others will get us to a much better place faster than shaming.

Also! This is only my opinion, others may feel the opposite about those words. <3