I've never expected a ride home when visiting a friend, that's just really imposing. This is especially true because driving and parking in the city is a pain in the ass. It can be different in the burbs where it can be reasonable to ask for a ride to/from the metro.

You’re not mom and you don’t have to drive the kids around. Your friends are adults and know how to navigate DC without a car. I haven’t found that my non-driving friends expect me to drive them around. I’ll offer if it’s super cold or something but by offering to drive all the time, you’re setting up the expectation that you’ll always drive them. If it were me, I would stop offering or start the hang out with “you’re good getting home without me, yes?” And then everyone knows what happening.

Or just drink a lot and tell them you can’t drive 😜

Good friends and respectful acquaintances don't expect favors that will inconvenience.

You don't own anybody favors. Got to make good excuses as to why you can't go outta your way.

I generally don’t drive around in DC because parking, or I’ll be going for wine etc. if I’m going out of town or something and a non car friend wants to come I just have them meet at my place unless scooping them up on the way isn’t out of the way. However, just randomly driving them around nah, there’s bikes, Uber, taxi, scooters, metro, circulator etc. they’re grown they can figure it out

I only ever ask for a ride to and from the metro if I'm in the burbs. Personally, I would only offer rides to people if they were on my way. I also usually decline offers of rides from people if taking me home or whatever is way out of their way. I'm a grownup, I can get myself around town on my own.

There are a few notable exceptions, like asking a pal for a ride to and from the hospital. But I would need that even if I had my own car.

If someone has come to your place, it's expected that they'll get back the same way they came. If you want to be really nice, and you live far out in the suburbs, you could offer to drive them to the closest metro stop--we have some friends who do that and it's very much appreciated. But you should not feel obligated to offer a ride that you don't really want to give.

If you and a bunch of friends are all meeting up at a location that isn't your place, and everyone's arriving or going home at the same time, it's kind (but again, not expected) to offer to pick someone up or drop off at their house, or a metro station, if it's a short detour for you. This is especially true for a potluck or other event where people will be bringing a lot of stuff; it's a pain to haul around on public transit.

You will likely get people reaching out when they need to move apartments... because let's face it, trying to do that without a car is a huge drag. It's always okay to refuse--just say you're busy that day-- but helping a friend move can do a lot to solidify the friendship.

Dude, I’ve been you before. You have to put an end to it soon so you don’t become the car b*tch. Just tell them that you don’t want to lose your parking space, your engine part has been acting up, you have to keep your mileage low for insurance, etc and soon they will get the hint.

The only time I really offer rides to/from is if the friend is on my route already. Or if I plan a weekend/day trip with some friends, I'm happy to drive but then they all chip in for gas or buy my lunch, etc.

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Your friends sound like opportunists

I’ve lived in DC for over 12 years most of which without a car. IME the expectation is everyone gets to and from places on their own. If you don’t want to drive your friends don’t offer. I don’t think there’s any expectation of a ride unless you guys are going some place together that actually requires driving to get to like to a winery, hiking, day trip, etc. For that I would expect your friends to find your way to and from their place on their own versus you picking them up. If you’re being asked to drive your friends places it’s perfectly fine to decline.

Have your friends asked for rides or are you offering them? If you’re offering it’s nice of you but not necessary. Most times adults appreciate a ride but wouldn’t expect it. How would they get around if you weren’t there?

I don’t drive, never have. I’ll accept a ride home from someone who lives near me, but not someone who lives more than 5 minutes away unless it’s a coworker who gets paid for the driving time, or unless they offer, I decline, and they insist (so I know they really would prefer to drive me home—some of my friends are sketched out by me taking the bus, and if they want to drive out of their way for their own peace of mind, I’m not going to deny them that, even though I think it’s silly). I don’t ask for rides, and I either explicitly kick in for gas or make sure to buy my driver friend a drink or something when we get where we’re going.

If your friends are taking advantage of you more than that, I’d say they’re being jerks, and you should stop offering to drive. If they ask, you can also tell them you can’t drive them home, sorry, and you don’t owe them an explanation.

It really depends on the dynamics of your friend group. In general, however, if they were getting around without a car before you moved here, you can assume they're still getting around just fine.

I've lived here without a car for 7 years and only got a car in the last year. I offer to drive friends to and from metro stations or to pick them up if they're on the way to our joint destination. The only time I go out of my way is if we're going to a destination that's only accessible by car or if the metro has closed. My friends completely understand: gas and parking is expensive around here, and we never relied on cars, even Uber, to meet up before.

(Also, there are situations where taking a car is LESS convenient. I made the mistake of driving to a get-together without guaranteed near 14th Street on a Saturday night. After 45 minutes of driving around looking for parking in vain, I called the host, apologized profusely, and went home.)

Just wait until you get a pickup truck. Cousins you have never met will be like "So I bought a couch."

I grew up here.

I only offer a ride home for two reasons;

1. Their place is on the way to my place, like directly.
2. I would like to hang out more and the metro will close/there is no bus to their house.

I have a car and will offer a ride if it's not far out of the way, or sometimes if I know that it will be very very inconvenient or expensive for the person to get home otherwise. I don't regularly offer rides that will add more then twenty minutes to my trip home. The exception is if someone has done me a favor, then I'll almost always offer a ride. I'd be mad if someone expected me to go more than twenty minutes out of my way, barring very exceptional circumstances.

It is totally normal to really only use your car for trips outside of the city. No one should expect you to offer to drive them within the city.

I only do rides for folks if we are both going to somewhere that isn’t bike/metro accessible.

I never expect a ride, even when I’m on the way because, in this city, it might still be a hassle.

I wouldn’t offer because offering might make it seem like you don’t mind.

Lying to your friends isn't the solution, nor is beating around the bush hoping they'll "get the hint." Being firm and straightforward and telling them you're not able to give them a ride every time is best.

It depends on the situation.

• Female friend at night? Definitely getting a ride.
• A friend in a sketchy neighborhood? Getting a ride.
• Middle of the day and you live more than 15 minutes out of the way? I'll drop you off at the train if you want.
• Rush hour? I don't have friends who'd ask this sacrifice of me.

As someone who has never had a car or driver’s license, the only time I’ll anticipate/expect a ride is if I’m meeting someone in an area that’s not accessible by transit. For example, when I visit people who live in the suburbs and aren’t walkable or easily bus-able from a metro stop

However, I don’t expect or want a ride all the way home, the farthest the car takes me is to the nearest metro stop. Not only would I not want to inconvenience the driver, I don’t want to cause extra car traffic in the city!

Non-car guy here. In the rare circumstances I need a ride somewhere, or need use of a car, I either rent one or ask my friends to do me a favor. If I ask them to do me a favor, I make it clear there's no expectation AND I'd pay for gas / compensate them for their time. Some decline the cash, and do it for free. Others let me use my credit card to fill up their tank. It depends. If I'm visiting a friend out in the suburbs, they usually offer to drive me to the Metro. I'd never expect them to drive me home.

I would say that the best think you can do is be honest with your friends - if they ask too much, or you feel they're taking advantage of you, tell them. It's one thing to help a friend out, but if you think they're asking too much, be clear. Don't do what one person said and lie to them about why you can't help them out, just say something. And don't feel like you *have* to help them - set expectations and be firm. Let them know that it's not always convenient to drive long trips in the city.

You're not obligated to do anything and your friends should not expect rides from you. You're free to say no and not feel guilty. The beauty of public trans is that no one is actually reliant on you to get around - you're just a more convenient option.

I own a car and my approach is, if convenient (eg not more than a few min out of my way), I'll pick someone up or drop them off from their residence. What I do more often is bring people to a point where there's a mutually convenient parting of ways. This is most often a metro stop that is along my way and saves them some time/money/transfers. Unless there are extenuating circumstances (injury, significant inebriation, etc) I wouldn't drive someone across town and I don't feel like my friends expect it.

DCs got great public transit (relative to other cities in the US) so no way anyone should be expecting a ride unless you offer. You can get to almost anywhere in the city easily via metro and the buses.

Edited to add, as someone also with a car living in the District, no one has ever asked me for a ride anywhere. I’ve noticed most people prefer to walk and/or take metro. I also usually never drive in the city myself - the car is for escaping to outside places and my commute to MD.

“friends”

I have a car, but also try as much as I can to take Metro or the bus. If I took public transit and a friend had a car, I wouldn’t expect them to be my ride home. If they offered I’d be grateful and take them up on it, but wouldn’t begrudge them if they didn’t offer.

I’ve certainly given people rides when it’s out of the way for me, but I’ve never felt a weird sense of obligation to do that, and unless we talk about it beforehand I assume people have figured out their transportation already. If for whatever reason someone can’t get home safely, or there’s a significant Metro slowdown, I’d definitely take someone back in those cases.

Ultimately it’s up to you, and unless there’s a safety issue I wouldn’t expect other people with cars to go out of their way to take me home.

It is not urban etiquette to offer rides to people. You don't have to feel weird about not doing that. The only time I kinda expect someone to offer a ride is if they've proposed a trip somewhere that's outside a reasonable Uber or public transit trip (like, to the mountains lol)

I don't even live in DC anymore but if I did come there to hang out with friends I don't expect them to bring me back home to Baltimore.

I can catch the Marc train home or the Flixxx bus and be good to go. Or I can spend the night at my mom's house or my cousins house.

Hire movers always.

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>I would feel awkward not offering a ride home from my place or somewhere I’ve driven my car to -even though a run across town to drop someone off could easily turn into an hour round trip for me.

Whaaaat? That is such a bizarre expectation to impose on yourself.

I would never expect to be driven anywhere by anyone. And I'd only ask if I know that they wouldn't need to go out of their way.

But it sounds to me like you just need to stop feeling obligated to offer.

The "etiquette" is your car, your choice.

"No." is a complete sentence.

I wouldn't be so harsh, sounds like OP might just need to learn to stop offering.

Sure, the friends should say no, but sometimes it's hard to win that battle against an insistent offerer.

Just because you have a car doesn’t mean you need to use it for all (or even most) trips yourself. If you’re meeting friends for brunch and none of them are driving there, try walking/biking/bussing there yourself and the ‘awkwardness’ won’t be a factor in the first place

I’ll catch rides with friends back to their places if it gets me closer to my destination, but don’t expect to be dropped off at my place.

If the weather is bad, I may ask though!

They all have Uber and/or Lyft on their phones. You don’t not have to give friends rides around town.

Yeah same here. I use my car almost exclusively for driving outside of DC because parking in the city is such a pain. Plus if you’re meeting up during peak traffic periods e.g. for happy hour, it can literally be faster to walk or take any non-car form of transportation, and you don’t have to worry about having a few drinks.

The etiquette is you say goodbye in a polite way and both go on your separate ways. Then you log into the Uber app and they book you to get home.

I’ve lived in DC with a car and never offered rides within the city and was never asked. Only used it for myself to go outside the city.

i don't. unless i specifically offer, there's a reason i need to go out that way, or it's been prearranged, every man for themselves 🤷‍♀️

I have a car, but don’t drive in the city. It’s as simple as that. The car is for road trips, that is all.

I almost never use my car in town. Why are you driving places? Seems like a nightmare having to figure out parking when you could just walk or take metro. And I definitely wouldn't offer rides an hour out of my way unless it was a special situation, like the person was physically unable to use public transit or I hadn't seen them in months but they live far from metro and can't afford uber.

Personally I left my car in Kansas when I moved here and I miss it. However my best friend of 10+ years, who does have a car always offers me rides and 9 times out of 10 I decline because it's out of his way. We work together too so I know he wants to get home just as much as I do.

What I’ve experienced is that people subtly like to try to get a ride with me. They drop these hints about having to get to Dulles the next weekend for a flight, innocently play dumb by asking me how I plan to get to a certain party, etc. Or, I get invited somewhere and it’s pretty obvious that it’s a driving location. Like, “Oh, you should totally come camping next month!!!”

I suggest having firm boundaries with people. You have no obligation to drop off someone because they’re “on your way”. I’ve found that someone who wants a ride tries to always say they are on the way lol. And if you are a driver for an event or party, it’s fine to ask for a reasonable payment, or a drink at the bar, etc.

True, I should have said in relation to the car

I hear ya - for myself, my friends would never even consider using my car…there are so many other options. However, as a good friend I often offer to help people out because you know, we’re friends.

There is generally no expectation and people typically budget time/$ for ubers or metro rides.

I had no car for 6 years and a car for 3 years. I'll offer rides IF we're somewhere far from a metro and it's on my way. But the perks of living in a city are the ease of transportation and it's generally assumed people are adults who can get around by themselves. I would agree that the "rules" change slightly in the 'burbs, but good manners would only extend to a metro station, not all the way home.

Offer a ride if you want to offer a ride. Don’t if you don’t.

Do what you feel comfortable doing. If you think someone will be offended that you don't give him a ride, then he's just using you and not really your friend.

It's your time, your car, and your gas. If people ask you to them them places, they should compensate you somehow, like buying you lunch or filling your tank. If they don't do it voluntarily, either refuse to take them places or just flat out ask for gas money.

I’m flying into Dulles on Sunday. What do you think? Reddit-friends?

As a former but no longer car driver my expectation is if you want me to go somewhere transit inaccessible, and you or you and other suburban friends are the ones picking the location and it's a small group, then one of you drive me from and to the nearest metro stop. Leaving transit accessible areas is already inconvenient and if I have to take an Uber also expensive so if you want me to come to you somewhere that isn't on the metro or in the city it's reasonable to expect a lift since I'm making things convenient for you and inconvenient for me already so ride to and from metro is a fair compromise. Parties I generally Uber to. As far as dropping me at my house only if it's extremely convenient for you and you offer. If we're going somewhere non-transit accessible that was a mutually desired location (ie not because you live in the suburbs) I'd ask if there is a convenient metro stop that you could pick me up from but not expect it.

Are you suggesting places that are metro accessible? I've had car-having friends who were constantly suggesting places that had easy parking for themselves but were a nightmare to get to with public transport. In that situation, I either want a ride or we're going someplace else even if "but it's such a pain to find parking there!" Sometimes it worked to metro to the car having friend's place and they'd drive me to wherever.

I assume you have a parking spot and dont have to spend up to 30 minutes finding one when you get back…? Either way they are adults, they can uber if they dont want to walk/bus. You good, do invite people if you’re going to ikea though. Thats a nice thing to do.

I have never met someone who believes it is their role in a friend group to drive people around.

Add to that: if my buddy drove the group trip to the winery, either they're getting the hat passed for gas money, or everyone he drove splits his part (or a chunk of his part) of the check.

Moved here from Texas.

If we get more time with the person we want to hang out with by driving them instead of them metroing, we drive them. If it's dark and cold we will drop off at a metro station on the way out. And that's about it. My quality of life is more important to me than an acquaintances...

I also lived in Dc without a car for 14 years. If I went all the way to the burbs I would sometimes hope or expect them to scoop me up from the metro. Anything within city I have ridden my bike, walked , metro, or Uber. I don’t want to have my friends feeling like they must drive me home….. I don’t expect them to offer either . Unless it’s a one_off scenario like I am completely drunk and they are sober and want me to get home or they are already taking someone home in my direction. on the flipside, I did get a car and I will not offer to drive people to the airport if I don’t want to . I think airport pick ups and drop offs are bit of a big ask. Much bigger if it’s Dulles or BWI.

Don’t offer rides you don’t want to give. If you offer, then it’s not impolite for your friends to accept

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I lived in the city and was one of few in my friend group who had a car in our 20s-mid 30s. While road trips inevitably fell to me driving, I did not feel any responsibility to offer rides on the regular.

Everyone is an adult - they can get themselves there and home. It’s absolutely not expected for you to offer.

Nah not rude at all. Uber and public transport are there for a reason.

https://www.wmata.com/rider-guide/stations/washington-dulles.cfm congrats, you get to be one of the first chunk of people to try out the silver line! the extension to Dulles opened very recently

I dont even offer for road trips. If they wanna use my car they gotta drive. Haha

Obviously your friends are using you and they should at least offer to pay you some gas money.

I thought we were friends? Will DM you my flight info.

Can I habe a ride to Alexandria?

Yeah, it's annoying that you're always expected to drive everyone. I usually offer to drive dates home from my place or pick them up if I'm driving. If friends are over, I don't offer to drive them back home.

Depends, have they done something for you? Once many years ago friend of my roommate hung out all night, smoking my weed. After my friend went to sleep, I expected him to leave, but he was still there. I told him I needed to go get cigs on my bike, thinking that would get rid of him, but he offered to drive me there and back. I accepted at first, until he added 'as long as you give me five or ten dollars for gas'. I laughed in his face because it was less than a mile round-trip, got him to leave and never smoked him up after that.

This isn't advice to just having a car but friends in general.

I always feel free to offer if I know it's not too far off the way, I always never mind them asking... However if they expect it or you think they'll be angry if you say no or if you don't offer it then you should reconsider your friendship in general.

Before I had a car here, I never expected anyone to give me a ride and the few times I asked I tried to make it as easy on them as possible (ie going somewhere closer to get picked up and being prompt) when my friends said no I said no problem I completely understand (I didn't care what reason or no reason they give, as the most important thing was I never felt they owed me anything)

OP could be from areas where it’s common to go out of your way for strangers - esp. for social expectations - definitely agree they need to stop feeling obligated to offer/agree to drive

Most of my friends kind of expect me to be driven home, even though I tend to try and tell them no whenever I'm leaving rather than taking rides (I prefer the solitude trips), but we also sort of all live near each other

I used to live in Tysons Corner. Most of my friends live in DC so I would drive to the city pretty frequently.

Metro from tysons would double my travel time on the weekends so I preferred to drive. I would frequently give a ride to a couple friends some times. Their houses were on my way to the places we frequent and I liked to chat with them. Since I moved to DC I dont use my car unless I am leaving the city limits so they lost their ride privileges haha.

Parking in DC is either difficult or expensive but luckily, everything is less than 30 min by bike. Also public transit is good but some areas of the city require transfers that really affect travel time.

If I'm out with friends who drive (i.e. at someone's house or at dinner where no one is getting drunk) I'll ask someone who lives relatively close to me for a ride but I've asked enough times that if they don't want to, they know I wouldn't mind them just saying nope and I'll Uber or metro home.

Yea I can’t imagine not using movers.

This. Car owner here. I have an SUV. Moving myself without help is a huge drag. With another person it would have helped but not much. Next move I’m hiring movers. Also hoping my next move is into a place I own and will be living in for some time

As someone who was way too helpful and it’s basically ruined a few relationships, set expectations low. Don’t offer rides more than 10/15 mins one way, and definitely not too often.

People do realize when they’re asking too much, and not be an ass about it but it’s honestly much rarer than you think.

Better to have someone say you don’t give them enough rides when you’re actively trying to limit rides. Versus giving rides all the time / whenever you can and still hearing someone say you don’t give them enough rides.

Agree it's not an unusual mindset for the burbs, it just doesn't translate to the city well.

Hoo boy. Be lucky you don't have a truck and/or flatbed trailer.

I need to pick up a non-running car.

Where?

Aurora, Illinois

*sigh* Get some snacks. I'll be right up. You got gas and I'll do the driving.

I feel like it would never even occur to me to ask for a ride from someone's apartment, especially in the city itself. Even when I'm visiting friends in the burbs and didn't have a car, I would generally use public transit to get there and Uber to get back.

DC has great public transit so

1. You probably didn't need to bring your car. Also, the speed limit can be pretty low in certain areas so in many cases it's better to be riding an ebike or scooter, and ebikes and scooters don't cost like $14k/year.
2. DC has great public transit so generally the expectation is that people will get home on their own. Expected social dynamic is that people get home on their own. Uber can be expensive but Metro is $2-6 one-way. People are tripping if they can't afford $2-6. I'm assuming here that your friends aren't particularly poor or anything though. The main exception to the expectation I mentioned is places that aren't Metrorail and Metrobus accessible.

Alexandria native here. The most polite and not rude thing to do, which could be convenient for them and not an inconvenience to you, is to tell them where you’re going, and if they’re along the way, fine. If not, sorry, I gotta go. The vehicle owner may feel guilty but at the end of the month, who is paying the car note? The insurance? The fuel? Maintenance & repairs? Who is spending TIME behind the wheel? If you continuously offer rides you will become the group chauffeur.

Exactly!

I never accept a ride home. I rather pay my Uber so I don’t owe anything to anyone. And I don’t have to have this annoying ride home small talks. Unless that person is part of my close circle then I don’t mind.

I don’t have a car and when I’m at a friend’s house I would never expect them to leave it to drive me to my place UNLESS they are going that way for another reason. I Uber or metro there and back.

We are older so if they’re going to Costco and passing by my place they’ll ask if I want a ride and because it’s Costco generally would drop me back off but that’s not often.

If you and your friends are meeting at X and you pass their place on the way; not terrible to offer to pick them up or drop them off. But don’t offer things that significantly inconvenience you if the person is fully able to manage things on their own.

I recommend Bookstore Movers!!!!

"Dude, you're in New Hampshire, and just because your second cousin twice removed married my first cousin does not mean we're related!"

I rarely if ever offer rides. But also, I’m rarely if ever asked. It works out.

Don't even need an excuse...just don't do it.

Bruh you ain’t got to nobody anywhere, it’s nice to offer if you want but don’t feel obligated. Most of time me n my homies only be driving if we gotta leave the city, for functions in the city everyone just find their way there whether jt be metro, bike, Uber, whatever

I found the pressure from friends to go out of my way to take them home from a common event we’d attended (to which they’d metro’d and I’d driven my car) - a total constant and very irritating. Lots of cajoling if I said no. No longer friends with any of those people and annoyed at myself about the times I gave in.

Noted, but hopefully won’t be moving for 3-4 years

I understand what you mean, but if someone asks for a ride, and you simply say no and move on with the convo, I think it would be a little awkward going forward in the immediate future

Or, you dont have to drive either. You save money this way and take public transportation with the group so no one has to ask and everyone becomes a responsible adult.

No need to drive them anywhere to do anything, doing so would just be a favor, not expected.

As an adult they shouldn’t be going anywhere they can’t travel to on their own at the end of the day, offering is nice if it’s not a hassle for either of you but going out of your way will only set you up for future irritation

Omg…. You’re acting as an UBER?! In DC??? You are an absolute angel but this is a huge no, IMO. If it’s convenient for you, absolutely, but DC has way too much car and foot traffic for you to be doing this. If you live in DC with no car, it’s because they chose it to be that way. Your friends know how exactly how to get around, there’s the metro, the bus, scooters, bikes, rideshare, etc. I’s a the city, there are multiple ways to get around. I promise you you are not rude if you can’t offer a ride. If I were you, I’d keep my car a secret 😅 someone WILL ask you for a drive to Dulles, BWI, and hell even DCA and you will say NO!

You can explain your decision but you don't need an excuse. Tell them it's an hour round trip, gas is expenses, increased chance of an accident, you had other plans, etc. But you don't have to make up an excuse and say your cats on fire.

Amen!

https://medium.com/hawthorne-crow/the-mathematics-of-gas-grass-or-ass-no-one-rides-for-free-a7c396b6c4ce

Offer rides to others when they’re on the way and they’re people you like, but otherwise there is no expectation so don’t.

Anyone that has lived in DC long enough knows the traffic is bad enough that a 3 mile diversion can be a 30 minute+ diversion and will understand.

You sound like a trusting, overly nice sort. Keep the car, get rid of the 'friends.' DC people suck ass and are only interested in you to the extent you can do something for them.

My personal rule is simple. I never ask for gas money for local trips. But I only offer trips to where I am already going. So my friends get to enjoy the convenience of a free trip and I never go out of my way as a free uber. How far out of your way you are willing to go to pick someone up is up to you but generally (not that it's codified) I'll go up to 10 minutes out of the way to pick someone up.

What often happens is I'll end up dropping off (or picking up) people along the way at a metro stop

Hardly. My friends sometimes ask me for rides that are inconvenient for me. I say no, it's inconvenient because I have to drive x amount of time and then x amount of time back. Explaining that the ride doesn't end when they are dropped off is an easy way to politely show why you are saying no

Dulles! Wow. The only time I've ever driven someone to Dulles, they upfront offered to pay me what it would've cost them to uber because they would rather pay a friend than a stranger. If someone asked me to drive them to Dulles for free or a lowball offer, I'd tell them to take the train or get a flight out of DCA