Submitted by Eldautor t3_10n3ogu in tifu

This all happened back in early high-school. For context, I (20F) didn’t grow up as someone who watched porn. I actually had my first kiss when I was fifteen, and that was the extent of my sexual experimentation. It took years for me to get the courage to touch a man over his jeans, let alone below the belt.

When I was sixteen, I had my first real boyfriend. Like teenagers do, we’d get a little handsy, and I let him guide me with intimacy. He was my only source of info for what guys liked, so when he instructed me how to give a handjob, I believed him. We dated for two months, and I became a firm believer that I’d perfected the art of a good ole handy. Still hadn’t watched porn or consulted anyone other than him.

After we broke up, I opened myself up to the idea of talking to other people. Lo and behold, I meet Zeke. (Yes, that’s a fake name.) He was also a bit nerdy and I found him pretty hot, so when I finally got the nerve up to ask him to hang out, I was super excited. One thing led to another and we were making out on his bed. We went to a boarding school, so we only had fifteen minutes allotted for visiting his dorm room. The make out sesh would be fast, but I was confident he’d remember it.

And he did! But for reasons I didn’t anticipate.

Zeke asked me to touch him, so I pulled off his belt and put my hand below his underwear. Then, staring at him confidently in the eyes, I started grinding my knuckles into the tip of his penis. Think of a mortar and pestle. I was putting my whole weight into my knuckles over and over again, basically punching his penis, while not-so-sexily saying, “Oh yeah? You like that?”

Poor dude looked totally shell shocked. He didn’t react at all until the timer was almost up and I proudly pulled my hand out of his pants. I asked him what he thought, prepared to have blown this guy’s mind, but all he could stammer out was, “That… was like a deep tissue massage.”

He didn’t hit me up again, and when I told my friends about the encounter, I was quickly told that men don’t like it when you punch their penis. My first boyfriend must have just been into some weird shit. My friends called me a “Deep Tissue Masseuse” for the next few years, and I still cringe at the memory of Zeke’s horrified, frozen face.

So, yeah. Sorry, Zeke. My bad.

TLDR; As a sheltered inexperienced teenager, I tried giving a guy I handjob, but I believed it was grinding your knuckles into the tip of a guy’s penis. He put up with it, probably because he was so shocked, but I definitely ruined my chances for a second date.

EDIT: Just wanna clarify that I felt like a “late bloomer” because a lot of teens around me bragged about sexual escapades that I couldn’t relate to. When I say that it took me years to touch a man below the belt, I just felt like I was behind, especially because I’d had mutual attraction with people and was adamant that I wouldn’t kiss them, let alone get handsy. It’s all perspective lol

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Pabloescobear79 t1_j66siyp wrote

🤣🤣🤣 literally tried to fist the guys penis..thats some traumatic shit...and a new r/sub is born!

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CloneTroopah t1_j66wjr4 wrote

I guess you took beating his meat a little too literally.

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FLTDI t1_j670qib wrote

> I actually had my first kiss when I was fifteen, and that was the extent of my sexual experimentation. It took years for me to get the courage to touch a man over his jeans, let alone below the belt.

>When I was sixteen, I had my first real boyfriend. Like teenagers do, we’d get a little handsy, and I let him guide me with intimacy. He was my only source of info for what guys liked, so when he instructed me how to give a handjob, I believed him.

First kiss as 15

Took me years to touch a guy below the belt

1 year later giving hand fist jobs

Checks math......

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Eldautor OP t1_j671h9d wrote

First kiss at fifteen, but I’d been in brief relationships since middle school lol. Didn’t super explain the timeline well, but the moral of the story is that I wasn’t experienced, was hesitant towards intimacy, and took my time getting to a place of confidence sexually. Hope that clears up my timeline a bit.

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Capable-Site-301 t1_j6727n7 wrote

When I was younger I was also with an inexperienced girl. The first time she saw my fully erect penis, she just kind of stared at it with eyes wide and her mouth half open and didn't say anything.

Finally, I said "Do you want to touch it?" She nodded. I said "Ok... Go ahead."

She reached out and grabbed it at mid-shaft and.... Just held it. She said "Wow.... I didn't know it could get so big and hard." and I said "Well.... now you know." But still, she just kept holding it, didn't move her hand.

I asked her "Do you know what a handjob is?" She said "Yeah, I've heard of it." So I said "Do you want to try giving me one?" to which she said "Ok... I can try."

Then she squeezed my penis harder, then relaxed her grip, then squeezed it again, then relaxed. I thought this was some sort of foreplay, but she kept doing it, treating my penis like some kind of stress ball. It felt.... Interesting, but not especially good.

This went on for awhile before I finally asked "Uh.... What are you doing?" She said "I thought you wanted a handjob? Isn't... Isn't this right? What am I supposed to be doing?" I stared at her for a second then gave a short laugh and said "No... That's not quite right." She finally admitted she had never seen a penis before and didn't know what a handjob was. I showed her the way.

She was also shocked when I came, thinking she had hurt me, but I had to explain to her while I was still actively cumming that I was fine and this was normal. I guess she still thought I was in pain because of the face expressions I was making and how I was gasping and not talking normally while telling her I was fine. She'd also let go of my penis and was looking at it horrified as it was jerking around while shooting cum everywhere, like it was some kind of possessed demon.

We had some more fun times after that and always looked back and laughed about that first time.

Tl;Dr Inexperienced girl thought that a handjob meant treating my penis like a stress ball, and I had a ruined orgasm while girl was freaking out thinking I was in pain and a demon had possessed my penis.

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Eldautor OP t1_j672mhz wrote

I definitely relate to her. From one inexperienced gal to the next… If you’ve never seen a penis, it’s certainly a culture shock! Lmao.

It’s good to hear that you were patient with her. The embarrassment is strong, so having someone nice to guide you definitely helps.

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TouchMehBewts t1_j67jf0q wrote

Did you get handjob lessons from Gail the snail?

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_Dusty_Mustard_ t1_j67mnfh wrote

It’s equally strange that he let you continue without saying anything.

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Nofapstronaut6 t1_j67nm5m wrote

is his dick permanently soft after the motherfuckin tenderizing you gave it?

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CommunicationEast623 t1_j67t6ah wrote

With these stories I always ask myself what if the other person actually reads them and has a revelation.

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Zarerion t1_j67w10d wrote

Usually when people say stuff like this they experience their first intimacy in their 20s at the earliest, not at 16, which is probably not uncommon at all for “first experiences”, and I would argue it’s still a bit early.

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OkVolume1 t1_j67zs4e wrote

Gives new meaning to the term five knuckle shuffle.

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SoloWingPixy88 t1_j680p2b wrote

How is it TIFU, if it happened in early high school and your 20

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Earthguy69 t1_j684d05 wrote

> men don’t like it when you punch their penis.

Untrue. /r/ballbusting

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TheFakeG t1_j685xa5 wrote

Im glad you were told before you told someone to do similar to you.

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False_Vanguard t1_j68cdur wrote

First kiss at 15, that was the end of your sexual experimentation.

Next year you're giving hand jobs?

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Eldautor OP t1_j68ef4a wrote

You’re totally right. My explanation contained a lot of insecurity because of high-school pressure, so while I felt behind, I was on a level playing field with most teens exploring their sexuality. My bad lol

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xXZer0c0oLXx t1_j68ij0k wrote

You shall be now known as The Meat Grinder...

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Ckinggaming5 t1_j68mhpa wrote

im dying of second hand embarrassment and because im a guy

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freglegreg t1_j68miru wrote

Anyone else noticing these posts have started to become overtly sexual and about the same length and structure, almost as if written by the same author? CGPT is that you

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PicardTangoAlpha t1_j68wd1c wrote

That’s not a punch, that’s grinding your knuckles into him. And no, nobody does this.

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Capable-Site-301 t1_j68z8jv wrote

After I finished cumming and was laying there breathing heavily with my cum all over the place, she was still sitting there not saying much with her hand over her mouth. Then she just burst out laughing. The conversation went something like this (paraphrased, because I don't exactly remember it, but I remember the gist. I put a * next to lines I'm 100% sure that's how they were said):

*Her: "Was that an orgasm?"

*Me: "Yes, that was definitely an orgasm."

Her: (laughing again) "I learned about it, but I never knew it was so messy. I thought it just kind of dripped out."

Me: "Well, normally you should hold the penis so it all goes in one place. Also the orgasm feels better if you keep stroking while it's happening."

*Her: "Oh...." (looking kind of sad) "It didn't feel good?"

Me: "No, no, it felt good, just... Maybe next time you can try to hold it and keep stroking instead of letting go."

Her: "Next time, huh? Are you sure there's going to be a next time?"

Me: "I think there will be. So, uh... Can you give me some tissues or something? I need to clean up."

She went to the bathroom and came back, and by that time my penis was pretty much flacid. She helped wipe me down on my chest and stomach and cleaned up some spots on my bed. Then:

*Her: "So that's what your penis normally looks like?"

*Me: "Yeah, pretty much."

*Her: (giggling) "It's a lot smaller."

*Me: "Yeah, guess so."

(I was actually kind of hurt by her saying that, but didn't take it too personally.)

We finished cleaning me up then just hung out for a bit in bed just talking and holding each other. After an hour things got hot and heavy again and she was eager to try her second handjob. She did much better the second time. I also gave her an orgasm by rubbing her clit and fingering her while sucking on her nipples. We didn't get to oral until several sessions later, but that's a whole other story.

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heyitsvonage t1_j694gm9 wrote

So what you’re saying is that you don’t know how to throw a punch either? Hahaha

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flipdascript2014 t1_j6959gl wrote

Honestly kinda blame the guy on this one. OP may have not watched porn to give her the direction, but guarantee he did, and if the dude ever masturbated should know what he was looking for. It’s awkward to say anything at that age, and being a teenage boy myself at one point I was just happy to have it touched. This could have been solved with some communication and now an awkward experience could have been a pleasant sexual memory you recall from time to time.

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ConnFlab t1_j69chx0 wrote

What the hell was going on with that first guy?

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Eldautor OP t1_j69dl1y wrote

I didn’t see anyone cum until I was almost 18, which isn’t all that shocking considering the post lmao. But when I did, it was absolutely terrifying. I had to step of the room.

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Golluk t1_j69h2fd wrote

You're supposed to treat it tenderly the first time, not tenderizingly.

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Tribalbob t1_j69wwh7 wrote

Something about the combination of completely and utterly doing something wrong, yet having the fucking confidence radiating from you while doing it made this 1000% better.

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Dick-Rot t1_j69yum9 wrote

A couple buddies and myself were smoking dope in a tall-grass field, one of my friends has steel toed boots on, that's just his thing, wore em all the time.

Anyway we sat there for a couple hours skipping class and I got really really high, so I layed back in the grass. Splayed out like a snow angel.

Buddy with steel toes takes his opportunity and heel drops me right in the balls. I shot upright, then slumped over and threw up lol

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H00FARTED t1_j6a2yme wrote

Smfh... Are all these "stories" made up by 15 year olds? That's it... I'm off!

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Lankey_Craig t1_j6a66fu wrote

I missed most of last wipe and the one before it, but 3 wipes ago I was like level 8 killed a scav on interchange and the batsard had one in his pocket... high point of my tarkov career. Also the only one I have ever found

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Brokella t1_j6achhm wrote

Lol I thought you just had to squeeze it rhythmically

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updoee t1_j6aet47 wrote

These TIFU fanfics weird me out a little

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mr-blindsight t1_j6ag4jd wrote

I've seen instructions videos on how to treat this, you have to get one of those massage table with a hole in it to start.

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Ok-Butterfly6528 t1_j6am7ri wrote

“Imagine a mortar and pestle” had me dying in MY CAR!! 😂😂😂

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Leovaderx t1_j6j8o7c wrote

Its an easy google search mate.

Ps. Having looked at more recent numbers, the average has jumped to 17 years, with only like 30 something % doing it by 16 years. I was likely remebering numbers i looked up 10 years ago.

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