TIFU by being friends with my ex of 4 years

Submitted by BubblyBrookieCookie t3_10ic9s5 in tifu

My ex (35 male) and I (25 female) broke up in September (after four years together), however we continued to fuck through November, when we finally moved out of our apartment (it was more convenient to wait to move and we decided friends with benefits was okay)

He brought his date in tonight to a bar that I and my sister occasionally work at. I worked their full time for two years and recently just started working there as needed. All my friends work there. I work there when they ask me to.

We broke up because we have different ideals for our future. We talked about continuing to be friends. This was the fuck up. I thought we could maintain a friendship and eventually see new people.

We send each other snaps of our cats daily. We talk a few times a week. Two days ago, he asked me if someone I knew could get him antibiotics because he was sick. He has had ample opportunity to tell me he was seeing people (I even started to suspect even though he denied it). He could have taken her to a different bar. Our town has many different options.

I'm not upset that he is dating. I'm upset that out of all the places they went, they went there. I did yoga with their server this morning. The bartender was my sister. This is the one place I go for drinks after work.

I said hello. I shouldn't have. She complimented my shirt and was incredibly sweet. I sent a text to him apologizing for making it weird. He said he was worried this would happen. I said maybe we shouldn't continue to talk since he is seeing people. He said no that's fine. I know it isn't fine.

I'm probably overreacting. I should have known this would happen. I just didn't expect it to happen in my safe space. He obfuscated the truth in our messages but was probably trying to be nice. But then why did he bring her here?

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I know this happens every day, but I feel better talking into the void. Thank you

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TLDR: My ex and I have tried being friends. He brought a date to the bar my sister and I frequent and work at and now I am heartbroken all over again.

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ZeroBrs- t1_j5dmxpv wrote

Just think of it this way atleast you know instead of being stuck in a phase of not knowing and waiting but I'm sorry that sucks. 😥

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autopsygas t1_j5ej51i wrote

You're not TAH exactly, but you're being a bit full on. Going over to say hello? Being mad he didn't tell you? Texting him maybe you shouldn't talk any more?

Youre clearly taking him seeing someone some kind of way, when honestly he doesn't owe you an explanation or introduction.

That being said, out of all the bars to go to he goes to yours? Very weird. I'm gonna go with ESH

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RecycledExistence t1_j5g86fb wrote

And yet he could have displayed the tiniest bit of social awareness and sensitivity by taking his date somewhere else, and chose not to. My take is that he wanted her to see him on a date (for whatever reason).

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BubblyBrookieCookie OP t1_j5f4wks wrote

I definitely feel too much about it, thank you for your honesty

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StopsToSmellRoses t1_j5iqdxv wrote

I think in the moment, it would be hard to know what to do. There’s a lot of pressure from being in a place where you know a lot of people and it’s a new situation that you weren’t aware of prior and none of there people you knew, knew about it either. I think maybe you wanted the others to know you were okay with it more than you wanted the ex to know. It could have been both, I’m not sure.

Definitely, like others have said, he wanted you know about it, but likely didn’t know how or didn’t want to tell you directly. Given this event, I don’t think he cares about you as much as you might think.

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AndyR001 t1_j5fkcbf wrote

You are a person with emotions. You reacted to something that happened to you. You are not perfect só your reaction maybe wasnt the best. Its ok.

You cant just go from having a romantic relation with a person, to seeing them date with other people the next day. Hell, it can even hurt years after. We dont control what we feel, all we do is learn how to deal with them. You're are still young.

IMO this is not a FU.

You will be alright.

Also, that guy wanted you to know he was dating. Trust me.

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AcrobaticSource3 t1_j5dnt6k wrote

You seem sweet, there will be lots of guys eager to be your boyfriend

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moochrzdd t1_j5feb1q wrote

WOW, another self-made victim. Why should this guy have to hide from you? Your feeling are not the responsability of anyone but you.

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VeranoEte t1_j5dpo22 wrote

Gee I can only wonder why he would need antibiotics after lying about relationships.

Seriously OP you need to get tested bc he could have something and possibly have given it to you. This guy is a creep.

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Satanasso999 t1_j5e4unu wrote

Talk about fantasy leap. Because STD are the only disease that require antibiotics, right?

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VeranoEte t1_j5eavwa wrote

Let's see a guy a good decade older than OP is sleeping with other women behind her back and lying about it then asks for antibiotics so duh it sounds like he picked up something but from his actions it sounds like he won't even tell OP if he is positive for anything contagious.

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