TIFU by not doing anything from the past 3 weeks and day after tomorrow I have an exam

After you read the whole thing i would also like to say that it isnt about Amy or Gia anymore... Its just idk what the fuck i am doing or why I am doing... to the point where i can choose death over everything else

This is a throwaway account, because i am afraid of someone i know might find out about the main account. Sorry, but this is going to a long post. This is my first time writing a post so please dont mind my grammatical errors.

I(now 16M) basically had a relationship with (let us say Gia). We basically were the most know couple in our grade because many students saw us kissing(and no one else ever did that in our grade), fast forwarding around 9 months... She basically started ignoring me whenever i visited her class(we were in different classes, we used to meet in breaks) by either reading a book or talking about someone else with me and i tried talking to her about it but being a 12 year old i did not know how to communicate such things. this went on for about 3 weeks and then we had a cultural competition where we were the spectators... when i went near her she basically asked me to go away saying that the "teachers will find out" and then was sitting with another guy for the whole day... that very day I instead of saying "i need a break" said "i am breaking up with you for now" which i realized later was entirely wrong.. But then after 3 weeks i found her kissing another guy(the same guy she was sitting with in the cultural competition)... it was pretty devastating to me and I was basically depressed for 2 months and then i found this other girl(let us call her AMY) who basically helped me overcome my sadness/depression... soon enough i confessed that i liked her and then a month later summer started. During my relationship, my mom saw my chats(in the summer itself) and basically I was detained (which i dont blame her for, given that it was not the time for me to be doing something like that). when I got my phone back I tried contacting her still with the mindset that she was my girlfriend but then she was basically like we had a long break you are not my boyfriend anymore... this was sad but it was not so devastating.. and then we started talking normally until i messed things up

During and before the time i confessed to Amy.. we texted a lot and most of the texts(cheesy ones too) was not me but my friend. I told that to Amy after we started talking normally.... She was shocked and exclaimed that she couldnt trust me anymore... Which I totally 100% Understand.... but still i tried rebuilding the trust she once had on me... at the same time constantly apologizing about the mistake I did (this was probably the reason why she couldnt trust me again, because i constantly reminded about the time i broke her trust by apologizing very often- about once or thrice a day in the inital 4 months) but soon realized it wasnt the case... so i tried everything else for the next 1.6 years.... and then basically asked her to open up about something( i started asking her to open up about once in 2 days) and within a week she basically said you are forcing me a lot I am ending the friendship too... I exclaimed that i did not know anything about her in the 2 years we talked(except i realize now that i did). this whole cliffhanger situtation ate on me and left me at very depressive/sad/anxious state...

I soon realized she was the only reason to why i was studying in the first place.... i even now, till date dont know what the hell i am doing or why i am doing it because there is simply no motivation or reason for me to do it. I basically cant think on subjects or as a matter of fact on my own life... even tho i know that if i dont study i basically have no future... But i basically have accepted all possibilities in case i dont study and even accepted death at this point.

Thank you for reading.... I wanted to share this with someone from the past 1 year.

I have an exam day after tomorrow and in the past 3 weeks i have done nothing. IDFK

tl;dr : I went thru some random situations and basically am clueless about what I am doing