Obligatory this happened about a year ago.

Girlfriend and I (27m) were getting ready to get settled in for movie night and sexy time. What goes great with movies? Chips and salsa of course! But we're not talking Pace or any of that other name brand crap in a jar, in this house when we eat salsa, we make it from scratch! (And normally set it out overnight to allow the flavors to fuse but this was short notice.)

So I assemble my ingredients, tomatoes, onions all the good stuff. Get to making the salsa, everything is going great, we are getting excited for the movie. I chop up the jalepenos real fine, toss it in a blender to get it all immulsified, and then serve it up and we are just about ready to get this date night started. Just need to take a quick bathroom break.

Now, I have messed up on numerous occassions before when cooking with hot peppers, going to rub an eye or similar and then wrything in pain from the burn. And I had liked to think that I had learned my lesson, avoided touching my eyes and usually being good about washing my hands immediately after handeling them. But, alas I still had one more lesson to learn.

I finished doing my business and then joined the GF on the couch. Finally, movie time. We started the movie, were enjoying the salsa, snuggled up for the night, life is good. Except, a few minutes in I started to notice a light tingling sensation from my penis. "Huh, this is wierd." I say to myself. "Probably nothing, don't want to interrupt date night further."

Well, tingiling turned into a light burning sensation, which turned into "Call the fire department, my dick is on fire." At this point my girlfriend noticed I was uncomfortable. "Is something wrong?" And in all my embarassment and pain, all I could manage was "Yeah my dick is burning."

I ran upstairs to the shower and for the next ten minutes proceeded to try and cool myself down whilst mentally beating myself up for allowing this to happen, my girlfriend laughing at the ordeal and reminding me that I'm always bad about being carefull when cooking with peppers. And that sexy time was of course off the table because my now Capsaicin-infused penis was not going anywhere near her.

PSA: Always wash your hands after cooking with peppers, or really any food at all.

TL;DR - I cooked with jalepenos, didn't wash my hands, used the bathroom, and then set my dick on figurative fire.