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Comments
Ko-jo-te t1_j4l680r wrote
This!
I have a so called artist name. Just the official designation of a legal alias or - in my case - pen name. It's an actual, usable name, but you can view it as a title, if you like.
I do use my alias pretty much always and everywhere. It just turned out like that. But my mom doesn't use it and doesn't have to. To her it's just what it essentially is - a stupid nickname.
Make your former name your secret, intimate, personal name only your gf can use. Nobody else is even supposed to know, so in public she'll have to use your new name. Sell it to her, so she can realize that she's the one who has something special with you.
PotentialFull4560 t1_j4p42du wrote
This is the way!
ViscountBurrito t1_j4mayab wrote
This isn’t all that uncommon. For example, from an obituary for the famous Hollywood actress Lauren Bacall:
>The name Lauren was given her by Howard Hawks before the release of her first film, but family and old friends called her Betty throughout her life, and to Bogart she was always Baby.
Grantsdale t1_j4o2zu1 wrote
Plus pretty much every wrestler that has a ring name.
HeywoodPeace t1_j4pwv70 wrote
And nearly everyone who posts on the reddit
i1want1to1die t1_j4sqcz3 wrote
reddit moment
Black1495 t1_j4luqoc wrote
there are 2 girls at my work in a similar situation, both of them have to change their names to something less "etnical", I know their old names and have used them in casual situations, like drinking or something, but when it comes to work stuff I always use their "work names"
captain-melanin t1_j4mx0tb wrote
Where do you work where a name can too ethnic?
raz0rflea t1_j4n1thc wrote
In Australia they do it all the time, which honestly I just feel is bowing to ignorant racists who think they can't pronounce "Rahul" because their three brain cells are struggling to keep up autonomous functions and be an entitled bigot at the same time, but anyway it does happen a lot.
[deleted] OP t1_j4oaoj4 wrote
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raz0rflea t1_j4ocfjj wrote
You don't need to "pronounce all sounds of all languages" to make an effort to remember a person's name for fuck's sake. That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard 🙄
I can't speak Macedonian, but when I met my friend Vlatko I didn't say "no that's too hard, we're going to call you Bill" like he was told the first day of school when he moved here.
Also, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that someone knows how to pronounce their own name better than you do.
Self-awareness is a thing you might want to look at evolving some time, mate.
NightDragon250 t1_j4ouwv6 wrote
no i know plenty of people that got a name from their parents because "it looked so pretty", or "i like the way it sounded"(when they never heard it but sounded it out and liked that.) i went to school with a girl named Siobhan, and she and her parents pronounced it See-obe-han. i had to tell her, in highschool, that it was shiv-on.
raz0rflea t1_j4ovkm3 wrote
By high school she's calling herself Seeobean or whatever because that's what she wants to be called...is it weird? Yes. Is it not how it's normally pronounced? Yes. But it's still her name she's had from the time she was born, you just gotta adapt to it at this point.
NightDragon250 t1_j4ox40h wrote
actually she hated see-obe-han. when i showed her how it was an irish name pronounced shiv-on she was ecstatic, her mom not so much.
orosoros t1_j4p0n7x wrote
That's so sweet! She got a fresh name without the bureaucratic hassle of changing it
my_n3w_account t1_j4oohz0 wrote
If you think you can pronounce YOUR name which is written in MY language because your mum lived in MY country when she was young better than me, you're a moron.
Also, I never said it's ok for you to decide a name for other people. I just explained why many foreigners decide to change their name cause most people don't care to pronounce their name properly and, for some, they prefer to be called something else entirely rather than a butchered version of their real name.
raz0rflea t1_j4ooxpo wrote
LOL okay sunshine 🤣
my_n3w_account t1_j4oqi46 wrote
Took you a while. But you got there eventually.
ebinc2 t1_j4p9ryt wrote
Username checks out
YungSchmid t1_j4n0gim wrote
A lot of people with Chinese ancestry give themselves a ‘western’ name in my country. Probably for a number of reasons; makes them (and closeted racist people) feel like they fit in, easier to remember, people can spell and pronounce it, etc.
mungalo9 t1_j4naxlj wrote
Chinese names can be really hard to pronounce for westerners. Especially since pinyin doesn't translate to English pronunciation 1:1. it's often easier to give a new name rather than have your name mispronounced for the rest of your life
StatisticianLivid710 t1_j4p6iyb wrote
This, I’ve made an effort to learn how to pronounce Chinese names, but will call them their western names if they prefer. Sadly company I was working for required their legal names as opposed to their western names, but since they didn’t have middle names on ID I would put their western name as the middle name for east recall
NTGenericus t1_j4nk0jx wrote
All of my Chinese friends except one have given themselves Western names. They say it just makes things easier.
iwillc t1_j4rt84h wrote
Is the same true for western people that end up in China? Do they create Chinese names for ease? (Serious)
NTGenericus t1_j4rwspd wrote
I actually have no idea. But that's a really good question. In Hong Kong probably not since English is (or was) one of the official languages. I couldn't even guess about the rest of China.
Dramatic-Bicycle-365 t1_j4nhdqy wrote
Most my friends who are Sudanese have a “white” name. It comes in handy for jobs.
karateninjazombie t1_j4nz73q wrote
Ah yes. White Steve could you get that order sorted. Thanks.
/s
Spring_Assembly t1_j4p07y9 wrote
More like White Abdul Kareem
DrFox247 t1_j4o3mp2 wrote
The Chinese friends I have usually just use the English translation of there name, unfortunately sometimes it does not translate well
Teehus t1_j4p9w1q wrote
My favourite that I have seen was cake
DrFox247 t1_j4packt wrote
Mine is probably seven
script_foo t1_j4pdaw5 wrote
I am getting a Seinfeld vibe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRUdaWZ4FN0
ars0nisfun t1_j4n42rs wrote
This is way more common than you think. I've seen this all over the place in Canada/US/Europe/etc.
misumena_vatia t1_j4na7ir wrote
Just about anywhere?
fishwithoutaporpoise t1_j4nka6m wrote
A call center.
NightDragon250 t1_j4ov6q4 wrote
yes because i can hear kevin cursing the karen in the background in hindi.
zombiesandpenguins t1_j4on90j wrote
Not work, but in my high school it was common for international students to choose a more “American” to go by, for many of the reasons other people listed, but I always think of my former Korean exchange classmate whose name basically sounded like “young bum hung” if you tried to pronounce it with an American accent. For obvious reasons, that would have opened up the doors to A LOT of teasing if that’s how he introduced himself to a hundred teenagers, so he went by David instead
ttopsrock t1_j4nwxte wrote
I think it's a pronunciation thing... I've met plenty of people named Joy or Sara because their names were very long and hard to pronounce. Sometimes shortened sometimes changed entirely. African and Indian names I've seen here in Texas.
[deleted] OP t1_j4naelu wrote
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[deleted] OP t1_j4ma761 wrote
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zoobrix t1_j4mdar6 wrote
> Your old name is just for her to use, in intimate situations
She already said it's fine if her girlfriend uses it at home but she is still using it at industry events and during interviews. I'm not sure trying to wrap the exact same suggestion in some more flowery language is going make any difference.
OP offered that solution and she didn't want to do it and is now sabotaging her professionally. I would have trouble getting used to it to but it doesn't seem like she is willing to do it. It seems like your suggestion has already been tried and failed.
Edit: typo
junkiecreppermint t1_j4medhz wrote
She*
zoobrix t1_j4mf0fu wrote
Thanks, edited.
angry_old_dude t1_j4nr98e wrote
I think OP probably already had this conversation with the GF.
[deleted] OP t1_j4o491d wrote
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Lurkedylurker t1_j4kyu7n wrote
This sounds like there might be more going on here than just her having a problem with the name change. Its doesnt take that much effort to change what you call someone and only get easier with time, but going out of your way to call someone the wrong name is just rude no matter what the reason is. I cant help but wonder what would drive her to intentionally do something youve made clear is upsetting, and if she perhaps has some other frustrations she isnt telling you. Its certainly not a very loving way to behave.
B_lintu t1_j4lrxsb wrote
She's probably upset she didn't consult with her before changing the name.
angelerulastiel t1_j4mucqj wrote
Maybe the name change came with some personality shift in public. That would make sense with the “I fell in love with ‘old name’”.
FFXIVpazudora t1_j4plaat wrote
I think it's less about changing the name and more about feeling bad about making the partner call them by the new name, maybe? It's pretty normal to use an assumed name for celebrities, isn't it? But I doubt Lady Gaga's partners call her "Lady Gaga" at home, lol. But at an industry party, yeah, if they were to be like "oh yeah Stefani was saying blah blah" some people might be like "uh, who?"
shadesofwolves t1_j4ku39x wrote
It's not like you have changed. If she can't accept this then it's a her problem, not a you problem.
Life_Token t1_j4m8rrx wrote
"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
[deleted] OP t1_j4mwiyx wrote
And yet Kiwifruit outsells Chinese Gooseberry by a ton in Western markets, because naming influences perception.
buwefy t1_j4mtxeb wrote
You must be a delight to date!
shadesofwolves t1_j4my1r7 wrote
Because I respect myself and others?
VivaLaDio t1_j4lmno6 wrote
Yeah SHE sounds like the pretentious one. Fucking hell. Hopefully she doesnt fall in love with the name horsey for their kid.
iWantTop69 t1_j4n1mz4 wrote
How is this a tifu?
On-est-ou-bon-milieu t1_j4phvdd wrote
Yes it’s “last year I fu”
MyneckisHUGE t1_j4l7x3o wrote
On the one hand I agree with others that it doesn't seem like a huge deal for her to change what she calls you.
On the other hand... Did you not run it by her in advance? I could see how she might have appreciated a say... What if u picked the name of like her high school bully or something
vancoover t1_j4mxl3d wrote
This is my thought also. It sounds like the both have issues with communication. I can't imagine changing my name without discussing it with my partner first. Not to ask her permission or anything, but to give her a heads up and also provide an opportunity to talk about it first.
willisbar t1_j4kvxmp wrote
It’s been a year for her to get used to it. You need to decide what you are going to do if she never changes.
AlgaeFew8512 t1_j4lij5z wrote
When you say changed your name, do you mean a full legal name change, or you use a stage name professionally but legally you still have your original name.
If it's the first, she needs to lear that the old name isn't your name and just because you have a different name doesn't mean you are a different person. If it's a name she doesn't like she can call you a nickname/petname privately and only if she's interviewed use you actual new name.
If it's the second then I can understand her calling you the old real name in private but in professional settings she should be using your professional name.
Not recognising the new name is disrespectful in either case. Not calling someone by the name they've asked to be called is disrespectful. The question is do you want to be living with and eventually marry someone who disrespects you everyday on such a fundamental way as not recognising your identity
[deleted] OP t1_j4mwr6m wrote
> i’m fine if she uses it at home. But she has been using my old name even outside the house, in industry parties, interviews etc. which is not what I want.
I feel like the question you have is covered by this.
angry_old_dude t1_j4nrwan wrote
Some people seem to be zooming right past that part and giving advice that completely ignores that context. Peak reddit, I guess.
czbz t1_j4mmthf wrote
What someone's called in private isn't generally a legal question. Whether or not OP is ok with being called the old name in private probably has nothing to do with whether they went through a legal process to change name.
Ghostglitch07 t1_j4mtki4 wrote
No, but legally changing ones name shows an extra personal commitment than simply using a pseudonym for professional reasons
AlgaeFew8512 t1_j4mybyg wrote
That's what I meant. If it's legal then I find it pretty insulting to not use the new name. If it's just a stage name it seems kind of fair for the gf to still use the real name privately
detectivenotfromhere t1_j4mgjs5 wrote
I don’t think you did anything wrong. It’s for your career. I don’t think it’s pretentious. Friends and family can still call you by your birth name.
Zeronality t1_j4lp2rc wrote
Suddenly no one talks about the age gap. I see that it applies to MF relationships only... ahh the double standard.
But anyway, you gotta now know what you wanna prioritize in life: Love or career. I'd personally stick with career if your significant other doesn't accept you for who you are.
ravensept t1_j4n9ruw wrote
yeah....folks are usually like oh the power dynamic is different bla bla....which is fine..sure.
but it also comes across infantilizing the other party and that irks me the most.
avoidgettingraped t1_j4mweit wrote
> Suddenly no one talks about the age gap.
Because it's not a big enough age gap to comment on.
headpatkelly t1_j4lqave wrote
they are both fully adults in my eyes. anyone getting upset about the age gap is being ridiculous. and yes, i'd be saying the same thing if they were straight.
Zeronality t1_j4ltoqa wrote
At least someone accepts that there are both adults that consent to a relationship.
Still I have seen similar posts (but MF) that get blasted because of the age gap.
satyren t1_j4m48sy wrote
It's not just an age difference, it's a huge maturity and life experience difference, which is being highlighted by the dysfunctionally immature behavior in the post. 8 years isn't a big deal when you're 30 and up but 24 is still a developing brain and so much more vulnerable to manipulation.
headpatkelly t1_j4m5tk9 wrote
again though. they are adults. they should be treated as adults and allowed to date who they want without others jumping to unfair conclusions. there's zero evidence of manipulation in this post on the part of the older woman. you can't assume that just because someone is hypothetically more vulnerable to manipulation that they are actually being manipulated. i don't appreciate grown women being infantilized because they're "vulnerable"
satyren t1_j4nbuwm wrote
I didn't say she was being manipulated. I said that because she's more vulnerable, they shouldn't date. Moral guidelines exist outside of laws. And I never infantilized her.
headpatkelly t1_j4nc3ix wrote
you’re literally saying she’s too vulnerable to make adult decisions because she, an adult woman, is too young. that’s infantilizing.
satyren t1_j4ngopv wrote
You're being defensive and looking too hard for something that's not there. I didn't say she can't make a decision. I said she's more vulnerable to manipulation in relationship with someone much older. I said that the healthy decision would be to not engage in that relationship. If anything, it's the 32 year old who should definitely not be making that decision. It's hard to understand the difference in mindset of someone older when you're not there yet, it's just one of those things that makes sense once you've experienced it yourself.
headpatkelly t1_j4o24rx wrote
> I didn't say she can't make a decision.
except you kinda did? you made the decision for her. "because she's more vulnerable, they shouldn't date." like sure you didn't technically say "she can't make a decision." but you certainly implied moral judgement where it isn't justifiable.
​
> I said that the healthy decision would be to not engage in that relationship.
you didn't say anything about what would be healthy. you just said they shouldn't do it because she's younger, and therefore more vulnerable. i disagree. they're both adults.
​
> It's hard to understand the difference in mindset of someone older when you're not there yet, it's just one of those things that makes sense once you've experienced it yourself.
this comes across as super condescending. sometimes people have different views from you, and it's not as simple as "you'll understand when you're older". i dated a much older man when i was 22, and it turned out fine. i'm older now, and i see no problems with what i did, or what he did. it was a mutual decision between adults, and no one was manipulated or harmed.
Zeronality t1_j4o4qtp wrote
>You're being defensive and looking too hard for something that's not there.
And honestly, if I may butt in: You're super condenscending.
This type of language may work in r/TwoXChromosomes, but outside that echo chamber people have different views on things. I mean I understand your points, but delivering them like you did really doesn't help
[deleted] OP t1_j4mwxjz wrote
>Suddenly no one talks about the age gap
Are you no one?
I'd say rather: Oh look here's somebody bringing up the age gap, and ITS ME, and also there is a chip on my shoulder.
faintestsmile t1_j4le2x4 wrote
your gf is being super petty and needs to get over herself, you are more than a name
MR_MROficial t1_j4m3ksh wrote
Did you really change your name to Saul Goodman? What a savage
whoamiforrealsie t1_j4mwzpu wrote
You deal with it by one of two ways:
- Break up with the person who believes what you want don’t matter when it’s opposite to what she wants- at this point, it’s abusive and not okay.
- Set your boundary one more time, and go to therapy. If this doesn’t work immediately, you leave.
She’s straight up telling you that she believes she is above you. If she thought you were her equal, she would’ve started using your new name immediately.
I hope this is the only red flag in her behaviors, but I highly doubt it. Do a serious, objective review of how she treats you.
I wish you the best. Stay safe!
here4mischief t1_j4ns8ms wrote
An interim could be that the gf doesn't get invited to interviews or industry parties but that might start to build resentment. "You can come by you have to call me by my industry name in public. Your choice"
whoamiforrealsie t1_j4nscdl wrote
Absolutely not. She’s already tried that. There’s no compromise here. Period.
[deleted] OP t1_j4nbb8b wrote
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valhallagoddess t1_j4lly9g wrote
Cant you tell her to use a petname like "Babe", this way she doesnt have to use the name she doesnt like and no one hears your old name?
ObsidianLion t1_j4lywqe wrote
The amount of support she gives is rock bottom. She is knowingly hurting your image.
LeepDore t1_j4mlskg wrote
Your gf is being straight up disrespectful; calling someone by a new name isn't hard and changing your name doesn't change who you are. There's probably a bigger issue here she's refusing to address and hiding it behind the name, but the fact is this is important to you, you communicated it clearly, and her blatantly refusing to respect your wishes is a major red flag. If she can't support this small change, how will she support your career in the long run? What else is she willing to steamroll in your relationship? Obviously I don't know your life but, having changed my own name, the people who couldn't deal were always the ones best left behind.
Dehaka_ t1_j4lb6sn wrote
Best solution would be if you agree on like a other name with your gf something she alrdy calls you like babe or so , but it should be okay to usw in public.
I for example dont call my gf by her name so even if she would change her name, it wouldnt matter for us.
apenature t1_j4m37kg wrote
It's disrespectful for her to ignore your wishes for your own name. Especially once it's a known issue.
slayman2001 t1_j4mhq5v wrote
When I was a kid, I was adopted at age 7. My adoptive parents wanted to change my first name as well as my last name, but the social worker stopped them (thank god) and explained to them psycho-emotional development and entanglement of your first name with identity. Your name is who you are.
PotentialFull4560 t1_j4p4h7e wrote
Which has absolutely nothing to do with this situation. It is OP themself who WANTS to use the new name. It's not being forced upon her.
forreasonsunknown79 t1_j4m380o wrote
I’m a high school teacher, and every year I have students who want to be called by a different name, usually female transgender students who want to be called by a male name. It’s not hard to do that, and it doesn’t matter to me if they want to go by a different name. That’s a small gesture to make to make someone feel supported. If I can do that for students I barely know at first, I don’t understand why she wouldn’t do it for someone she’s in a relationship with.
georgeglass6 t1_j4lgpmo wrote
Let her come up with a nickname to call you that's not old name or new name and only for her. It wouldn't have to be a secret since it's just a nickname. Many people call their SO's Honey, Baby, Sweetie, etc...
PotentialFull4560 t1_j4p4zpe wrote
Doesn't solve the problem. She wants her to use her new name in public. Not her old name OR a nickname.
Dotbrog t1_j4llktx wrote
She should be connecting to your soul not your name! You are NOT your name. If I now name you Panda, does your soul change?
My bf lied about his because he didn't like it, when I found out I just couldn't see him with the other name. It does feel like a different person, so that is a valid point. However if she loves you, she'll find a way to work through it and likewise should understand how important it is for your work. She may not agree with it but it's not like you've made the rules.
EvolvingEachDay t1_j4mo1pc wrote
It’s really immature for her to not to see it’s far more important to you and the entire path of your life than it could possibly be for her to use your new name in public. It’s just some weird pride attachment thing for her, for you it’s your livelihood and pursuit of your dream. She needs to give this up, she still gets to call you by your real name at home, the stakes are next to nothing for her. I would not be happy with my partner disregarding my wants and dreams over such a little thing.
Gemple t1_j4olv7r wrote
If she's getting hung up on the new name because she doesn't like it, then ask her to choose a name you can both agree upon, and regard it as a nickname... a term of endearment, if you like!
As long as it's not your old name and you both like it, then I feel that could be an acceptable compromise.
You could agree that it's for her exclusive/private use, or have it generally known that it's a name which only your closest friends & colleagues have the right to call you.
It isn't uncommon for celebs to have special nicknames which are deemed out of bounds to "outsiders".
Take Oliver Hardy, for example: His closest friends/acquaintances called him "Babe"!
Do you see my point?
Compromise.
It's the key to every good relationship!
PotentialFull4560 t1_j4p4v0y wrote
And then she has three names? That's not a compromise, that's giving in to the disrespectful gf. And she already said that gf can call her by the old name in private. The problem occurs when they are in public and she refuses to use the new name. Your suggestion won't solve that problem.
Gemple t1_j4p6haw wrote
I respectfully disagree.
The problem arises from the fact that neither can agree on the name.
If they compromise and settle on one name, the problem goes away.
Not three names, but two.
One public, for the media.
And the other for private or close friends.
I'm pretty sure I explained all of this so it's unclear to me as to why you're still confused!
Maybe that says much more about you than it does me, who knows?
Dragon_Wolf_88 t1_j4mgmxf wrote
Not trying to sound "new agey". But I'm sure it will come off that way.
Growing up I had a special interest of doing numerology readings of personalities. I had a hard time reading peoples personality so I always got multiple opinions on if the results were accurate.
Oddly enough, the name you use for yourself does have a big impact on personality. The readings I did comparing birth name, married name, and nicknames, each name would come out to a different number. The people I got opinions from would tell me that at the time of the name change they could tell there was something different about the way the person I did the reading on acted, but they couldn't place it specifically. After looking at my readings they were shocked looking back at how well they matched up with each name the person used.
So given this information I can see why your gf would feel like they don't know you or recognize who they fell in love with when using the new name.
TL;DR: names have a huge impact on how people act and think.
angelerulastiel t1_j4mus8f wrote
Yeah, that’s what I’m wondering. If the “new name” personality is different from the “old name” personality. Like a work personality vs. home, but it’s crossing over into personal life.
BlazeOfGlory72 t1_j4mlaao wrote
I mean, she’s right, it is a little pretentious. You didn’t change your name for any kind of internal or personal reason, it was explicitly for monetary and business reasons. Do you expect your parents to call you by your stage name too? It just seems a little weird to be upset that your loved ones call you by your real name.
JohnArce t1_j4mnek4 wrote
I don't want to sound like a dick, but I can't agree with either of you. Your GF seems like she's too hung up on you changing any part that really isn't you, and you decided you need to change your name because that's what you're supposed to do, and being told by someone else.
I've been in your GF's shoes (in a minor way) when friends of mine changed their online nicknames and I too way too much exception to that. In retrospect very silly and just me feeling excluded and/or not liking change. So I feel justified in saying that it's not a very healthy standpoint.
You don't mention your own reason for changing your name. If it's down to casteism, I can respect that, but if it's something more akin to appearing cooler, your GF might feel YOU are being pretentious, rather than just disliking the name you happened to have chosen.
I wonder if it's likely about more than just the name, but what it represents. Maybe's she not so cool with you taking a serious step towards an acting career. Or at least showing you're willing to make major changes to accomodate that, and is worried how far that might go.
AVBforPrez t1_j4movdw wrote
It's disrespectful to not call somebody by whatever their preferred name is, like...this is very very simple.
If you want to be called X, anyone who respects you will call you X.
S2Charlie t1_j4n9ia4 wrote
If she's gonna ruin your career, you might have to choose.
Rug-Boy t1_j4nklqg wrote
Kinda sounds like she's doing this deliberately to derail you. Using your real name at home is one thing, but out in public and within your profession is completely different.
onezetty t1_j4nl3kh wrote
Sorry, but your partner is an idiot, my wife doesn't like her first name, so I call her by her second name, because she ask me to do it and I love her, so, doesn't matter the name, the important thing is you, and if your partner love you, will call you wherever you like, need to.
[deleted] OP t1_j4os9y8 wrote
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mariosx t1_j4p43dr wrote
Shuffle the deck. Change it again to something else. Create confusion 😅
[deleted] OP t1_j4l1hpn wrote
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ichfrissdich t1_j4l5n1z wrote
And here I am, still calling a supermarket chain by its old name even though it changed at least a year ago. Saying the old name in public is problematic, but for her you will always be [old name], she will always think of [old name] name when she thinks about you.
headpatkelly t1_j4lq0n2 wrote
that's not okay. people should be able to change their names and have other people, their loved ones most of all, respect that decision. when i transitioned, my family had no issue using my new name even though i'd used my old one for 22 years. there were mistakes made at first, but it's a matter of love and respect that the people close to you try to get it right. if she truly can't wrap her head around a new name for a person she had only known for a year and a half, that shows a huge lack of respect. i wouldn't associate with anyone who insisted on calling me something i didn't want to be called.
[deleted] OP t1_j4lz1eu wrote
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gellenburg t1_j4m19sn wrote
I know actors in the States sometimes take new names when they join SAG-AFTRA but I thought most didn't actually change the names on their birth certificate though. Can you kinda do the opposite? Or the same? When you're with your girlfriend go by your original name and only use your professional name for professional purposes?
JimiSlew3 t1_j4myuyx wrote
My mom is a medical doctor who went by maiden name at work. If I visited and asked where Dr. X was the staff would be very confused but it I asked for Dr. Y they knew exactly who she was. It was her choice to do that at work.
I admit to being so confused that when I got married I had to ask if she wanted to be introduced as Dr. X, Dr. Y, Mrs. Y X, or, Mrs. X. She looked at me as if I had two heads and said "Mrs. X". I thought it was a reasonable question.
You do what works for your family. Life's weird enough!
IamMooz t1_j4n4o5t wrote
Although awkward, this is not a big ask if you've asked her respectfully and she fully understands the reasoning. I think she should get on board, at least in public settings and keep your 'original' name for her in intimate settings.
You're your real you with her...
GoingMenthol t1_j4n9qge wrote
I have a few given names and the name I'm called by depends on whether I'm talking to friends, family, or strangers. Keep the old name for her and only let her call you by it (and tell her that only she should know of that name so she shouldn't go telling people), everyone else can know the new name
ravensept t1_j4na97e wrote
looks this is more of a case of an changing situation, maybe folks are seeing you being something that they think you are not and unfortunately its all just linked to your new name.
...why am i reminded of devil wear prada....
blueskies922 t1_j4nq5vl wrote
Why can’t she just call you pet names or like babe or something? Shouldn’t be a hard compromise.
PotentialFull4560 t1_j4p371l wrote
This seems odd. Don't people in the entertainment business usually change their names before they begin their careers? It seems rather counter productive to become "mildly famous" with one name, then have to start all over with a new name.
But even when entertainers do change their names, aren't they often just "stage names" while they retain their birth names legally?
Seems like someone else made the best suggestion regarding your personal situation. Only your GF gets the "real" you. Everyone else only gets to know the "stage name" you. If she is unable or unwilling to play along with that and call you by your new name in public, then I would question how much she really cares about the "real" you. Because the real you isn't just a name.
crapat2hu t1_j4pa9nf wrote
Reddit decided to time this notification with me listening to Find Your Flame, and popped up when the chorus started “Will the whole world know your name?”
[deleted] OP t1_j4pachh wrote
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dolittle4u t1_j4pbepx wrote
Is she deliberately trying to sabotage your attempts to hide your old name? This would be a deal breaker for me - having a partner who does not respect my wishes. Maybe stop bringing her to parties and social events until she sorts out her habits. I have a name that I absolutely hate, my partner knows it and does not use it. He uses a shorter tolerable variation of it. There are also certain words that I absolutely cannot stand - "MAD". Fucking hate that word. had to just say it once to my partner and he got it.
From what you mentioned, it does not seem like it's slipping from her, rather she just does not want to use the new name.
Hootinak t1_j4m1jrv wrote
Change name to Tifu, problem solved every day.
Visualized_Apple t1_j4mlwdb wrote
It’s “in the cards.”
HopOnTheHype t1_j4mu5ie wrote
Gf an asshole for dead naming you
Damneasy t1_j4pmpzn wrote
How is she so childish. She also has no respect for you
PaysOutAllNight t1_j4puvlu wrote
You didn't fuck up. She did. Multiple times a day, for over a year.
If she won't respect your needs during the peak of your career, does she really love you in a way that is deep and meaningful to you?
Having experienced something similar, but not exactly the same, the answer is "no".
Lay it out for her. Respect who you are in public or get out. She can still have a private name for you if you're feeling generous enough to grant it. Words are meaningful, names are even more so.
About your stage name:
"Pen names are masks that allow us to unmask ourselves."
— Terri Guillemets.
About the intimacy of her being allowed to keep using your real name in private:
"When you love someone, you say their name different. Like it's safe inside your mouth."
— Jodi Picoult.
​
Names are powerful, meaningful, and important. That's why this would be a dealbreaker for me. She doesn't share the same values as you do.
cumpaseut t1_j4lugd1 wrote
Dolly Parton has her own persona when she’s in front of the cameras or making public appearances. She has her “at home” persona for her family, and that’s perfectly special too. Just because you go by your public persona while “on the clock” doesn’t mean she doesn’t have “the real you”.
sheeH1Aimufai3aishij t1_j4m0mey wrote
Deadnaming is a real issue and demonstrates an utter lack of respect.
AcrobaticSource3 t1_j4lyzt6 wrote
It could be worse, you new name could be “Phil D. Orifice”
Epithaya t1_j4m16ro wrote
Trash Boat
Momochichi t1_j4mr8c4 wrote
Why would she ever need to use your name? I’ve only ever used my partner’s name when introducing them to others, and that’s rare. Usually i just use “love” or “my love”.
day7seven t1_j4n3sch wrote
Why does it matter if your GF doesn't call you by your new name? If you fail to become a good actress it won't be because your girlfriend called you your original name. People go by many names and nick names. My grandma still calls me by a nick name people called me when I was a baby that nobody else has called me for decades. She calls me that in public and everywhere even though everyone else has moved on from that name. If I fail to get a promotion at work it won't be because my Grandma came to visit and called me my baby name. I'm not offended or say it is disrespectful and make her call me by my real name. Even if I became President she can still call me by my baby name and I'm not going to force her call me Mr. President just because everyone else at work does. I have a special relationship with my Granda so even if everyone else has to call me Mr. President she can still call me my old name. I would think your girlfriend was special to you too and can call you by your original name. To her you are {old name}, not {new name}. If you don't think she is special enough to be even grandfathered in to use your old name and has to be so formal she has to use your new work name then you probably should just let her go to find someone else who thinks she's special.
andurilmat t1_j4kvx1r wrote
Why does she have to call you by your stage name?
[deleted] OP t1_j4kz7uu wrote
It’s not “stage” being on stage IS this woman’s life and career. Changing her name FOR that career makes it that much more part of her identity
somirion t1_j4l13vc wrote
Its stage name if it is not changed in her ID etc. There is no info about changing documents. Only about stage name.
​
Many actors have stage names known to all, but in reality their name and surname legally is something different.
[deleted] OP t1_j4l1a30 wrote
so? She’s explicitly asked her parter to refer to her as blank she should do that if she has any respect for home girl
somirion t1_j4ladah wrote
Are you gonna talk like that about her parents?
Either you changed your name, or you are using stage name. But if you are using stage name, dont be upset that someone is using your real name.
Do you think Eminem is angry at his partner (if he has one, idk) that she calls him Marshall or Bruce, not Eminem?
[deleted] OP t1_j4l7wt2 wrote
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slavwaifu t1_j4l75vx wrote
The age gap has me worried. You were a 29/30 y/o dating a 21/22 y/o.
TungstenU571 t1_j4kz79t wrote
Convince her to call out your stage name during intimacy. She'll feel like she's doing something dirty with someone famous. You then ask her if she's seeing someone else, but agree to let the relationship continue if the two of you never meet irl.
humboldt77 t1_j4l1geh wrote
Reframe things. Your old name is just for her to use, in intimate situations, when you’re completely hers. Make it something private, a shared connection. Your new or stage name is for when other people are around, work functions, etc - but only she gets that part of you, no one else can hear or share it.