Honestly you need to give yourself some credit in this situation. Yes you fucked up, but there’s really nothing you did wrong, if that makes sense.

You are not some “junkie” looking to get high here, you have a monster inside you thats vying to take control of you, and you seem well equipped to fight it.

You are just trying to treat a health condition, whose treatment unfortunately has risks. You knew going into this that there was a chance of this sort of thing happening. You made sensible and thought out plans to account for that chance. Instead of hiding your history, you made sure to be completely transparent with your physician about these risks. Both of you balanced the benefits with the risks and mutually decided to proceed. After it happened you immediately went and told your boyfriend (which was kinda sweet honestly), and of course he isn’t going to be happy about that, but honestly thats okay.

Except for that single moment of weakness where the addict inside you took control, you did the right responsible thing at every single step. That’s really a huge deal, and will carry you more than anything else.

Go easy on yourself, your doing fine.