I promise you that if she would judge you for your first-time moves in bed, she would not be worth a relationship anyway. Milk is spilled now though. You should look into some sort of therapy, I think your addiction clouded your thought process in this whole deal. That is not to say you are without guilt, as the most problematic thing is that you decided to CHEAT to practice the moves. Wtf. In any case, hope you look for help.