You passed. A win is a win. I’m wondering why you would double up on your medication before a key presentation if you’d never done it before. Seems silly.

>I’m wondering why you would double up on your medication before a key presentation if you’d never done it before. Seems silly.

Anxiety makes us do silly stuff and more so the impulsive desire to get rid of it.

Commenting because you asked.

Never deviate from your normal routine during important events. Your normal routine should be enough to get you through whatever your are doing: competitions, exams, etc. if it isn’t enough, change it, but don’t change things the day of. Doing so runs the risk of introducing change that can negatively affect you. Even things like eating breakfast before your exams (when you don’t normally do so) could give you IBS or taking medication that you don’t normally use can harm your ability to focus or forget things.

yeah, some lessons learned.

They just think you were a little disorganized, and probably zoned out for a big part of it. You passed.

If they said anything it was probably that they were glad you finished because they stopped listening 10 minutes in and wanted to get to lunch.

Does anybody watch those videos? How many have you watched?

They didn't say anything except that one of the jury members remarked that this was the longest candidacy talk he has ever been to.

No one watches the video but some of my colleagues were present, so they have something funny to talk about me I guess and I am left with this embarrassing memory.

40 mins???!!! Mine lasted at least 2 hrs, I'm surprised yours was expected to be so short. Anywho, 2x the time doesn't seem significant to me given that the expectation was that it be so short. Also, those are soft limits, usually put in place by the program to give some guidance, as long as your committee stayed engaged and didn't complain, then they were onboard with it continuing at the pace it was, but next time I would recommend not altering your state of mind with medications/substances, the risk is too great.

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It’s really not as bad as it feels! i’d just think you had a lot to say about your research and there’s nothing wrong with that. They could have stopped you at any time.

In a while you’ll see it as a funny story! I doubt anyone will even think about it tomorrow. They’re not worrying about it so you don’t need to either. Also you passed, which it great! well done

>Mine lasted at least 2 hrs

really, was it candidacy or defence?

> , but next time I would recommend not altering your state of mind with medications/substances, the risk is too great.

yeah, some lessons learned for the long term but for the short term, I really need to get rid of this embarrassment somehow. I am constantly thinking about what others r thinking of me.

Thank you!!

I needed some outside perspective, that's why posted.

Candidacy.

And I totally feel you, for the first 4 years of my thesis I had issues with worrying about others thoughts of me until an upper year student heard me talk and said to me "what makes you convinced they are spending time thinking about that aspect about you, rather than something else."

I would be willing to bet that if the professors thought anything, it was for a fleeting moment. They are in your field because they love the topic, and they are professors because they love to teach, and they are YOUR committee specifically because they like you and want to watch you grow and see who you will become. I doubt any of them are passing negative judgment about you, and if they are, they will give you constructive feedback because they want to help you and watch you grow and thrive!

Edit1: I forgot to mention, WAY TO GO ACHIEVING CANDIDACY! This is an accomplishment that only a small percentage of the world attempt and achieve. You are well on your way to adding to humanities knowledge!

Twenty years from now no one will know this story. Others will be Dr. Askingrytquestions for help and never know this happened. Congrats!

Take the win.

You now have some valuable learning that will help you when you defend.

Congratulations.

> And I totally feel you, for the first 4 years of my thesis I had issues with worrying about others thoughts of me until an upper year student heard me talk and said to me "what makes you convinced they are spending time thinking about that aspect about you, rather than something else.

Yes, and I have started to realize that this is a recurring pattern in my behavior and in the way I carry myself in my day-to-day life.

> WAY TO GO ACHIEVING CANDIDACY

Thank you!!!!

90% of academia would talk forever about their field(s) of expertise if they lost track of time. Don't repeat the mistake and nobody will give it a second thought.

You did pass, kudos to that! Sometimes things go astray and, though we know it is not the end of the world, the feeling is still there. Anxiety sucks.

Last week I did a job interview for a substitute professor position. They asked me to prepare a 30 minutes class (lesson) to present in person to the committee. By the trainings I did at home in front of the mirror, I was doing it in exactly that time and had full control...

The interview was monday. I decided to visit my mother during the weekend and forgot my anti-depressants. Sunday comes, I get a bus at 22, arrive at the city where the interview would be held at 03 and stood there, chit chatting at the bus station with a local worker until the appointed time, at 10. I was tired, sleep deprived and highly anxious. I spoke so fast during the lesson that I presented it in 15 minutes. I feel that I was all over the place and did no logical connection between the topics. Very poor performance overall, as logical sequence of the lesson and time management were the main things being evaluated.

Haha perfect, your story was so good they did not want it to end. Congrats!

My candidacy exam was an hour. I had a half hour talk iirc, though it’s been a couple years since then so I can’t remember the exact time. The grad school told us to schedule a room for two hours, but my PI said there’s no way any busy professor wants to sit and listen to someone for more than an hour. He’s big on the idea that time is money and taking any professor away from their research is like wasting hundreds or thousands of dollars lol

I hear you and can obviously reciprocate. Wish u all the luck in the future.

No way your colleagues won't recognize this, even with a throwaway account.

We'd have cut you off, tbqh.

Were you getting questions as you went along? For us the question session takes as long as it takes so if people are asking questions during the talk we usually just extend the length of the talk. Even so, we cut people off or encourage them to finish if they are just keeping talking.

Going on for longer than you were supposed to and keeping them engaged enough to not cut you short probably reassured them of your competency. Take the win.

If they really wanted you to stop they would have asked you to hurry it more.

>We'd have cut you off, tbqh

Wish someone had done that.

>Were you getting questions as you went along

Nopes but after the presentation, the Q&A went for around 35-40minutes too, that went well though.

Huh. Well, glad it was successful. Remember that the committee/jury generally want you to be successful so don't stress about it too much. We (as a committee member on a few of them) are checking that you are making progress and seem to know what you're doing. In the past we've ended up giving homework to students who couldn't answer certain things but we're not going to fail them for that sort of mistake.

So... Don't stress too much about it. It's important but not enough for you to be anxious. :) Easier said than done, of course.

My anxiety has made me to similar things at just the wrong time. I’m glad it still kinda worked out for you.

Is candidacy like the dissertation defense, except earlier in the process, before you’re done?

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Don't beat yourself up over it. Life is hard and weird things happen! That's just the price of admission

Yup its like mini defense. OP likely messed up due to anxiety but usually anxious people finish it way earlier than expected-see what I did there?

This is a rare case.

take care stranger.

Congratulations Dr. askintryquestions.

You broke the rules and still passed. How many of those pills do you plan to take for your next presentation?

>How many of those pills do you plan to take for your next presentation

wise men don't repeat their mistakes, they make newer ones.

not Dr. yet, it was candidacy. Defense a few years from now but thanks!

Anxiety is there for a reason... I was anxious during my defense as well, but that lead me to perform much better than I expected 😂.... again a win is a win, now you are a PhD candidate (was it the proposal you did?) don't do that during defense. In proposals they are more lenient and can give time, in defense it is strictly 45 mins or less... so good luck!

Oh aaah OK got it

My wife once gave a presentation of her PhD research at a major convention. She was really nervous but her professors thought it would be good for her to do it and it was her work so she should be recognised for it.

On the day, she was worried that me being in the auditorium would make her too nervous, so I said I’d wait outside… and I genuinely intended too… but just before her presentation, I snuck in at the back of auditorium.

It was huge (to me anyway)… and packed with 300+ people, mostly scientists, professors, other PhD’s… and the grunt squaddie at the back…

There was a giant screen behind her, and they gave her a laser pointer to indicate the points on screen she was talking about… now she’d never used a laser pointer before… so instead of “on/off”, she just kept it “on” the whole time.

Being at the back and hence at the top of the auditorium, I can see the whole show, and I notice every time she turned, to the screen or back to the audience, the front row instinctively started ducking or bobbing their heads in a mini ‘Mexican wave’ motion… it was only after this happened a few times I realised every time she turned, she was sweeping the laser across the eyes of everyone in the front row… but she was so focussed on her presentation she didn’t notice.

Anyway, she received huge applause from the audience (so I’m guessing that means it was good even though I didn’t understand a word of it 😏)… and no lasting harm done… almost… except 30 years later I still remind her of the time she “blinded” the most senior faculty members at one of the world’s most prestigious universities 😂

"I did pass" nuff said. Nothing to worry about then. Hiring parties look at your experience and credentials, not your scores or how long you took for a presentation. Besides, have you seen the stuff people do on here that dont embarass them? The only reason your story is even close to a ballpark of embarassing would be because meds were involved, and i can even top that story with a colleague that defended his thesis while on cocaïne. Je was done 10 minutes earlier than expected.

Learn from this situation. Be grateful that you passed. However, ensure that you are kind to yourself and work on your well-being minus any medication to help you get through tough times.

Focus on techniques that improve your well-being. E.g. box breathing, a walk outdoors or meditation.

When you have important tasks or duties, reassure yourself by speaking to yourself. E.g "nothing in life is permanent, this feeling I have right now will pass, and I will feel better."

FYI, I am a scientist with a PhD. Had a lot of life experience - just sharing some pearls of wisdom.

A percular question came to mind that was answered unknowingly as I finished reading this.

How high is too high?

Well...this...

What is medication name?

Congratulations. When you're a Dr. You can look back and laugh. Good luck with the next phase of your research!

Dude, this isn't an embarrassing memory, this is the culmination of years of studying, compiling, compartmentalizing, extrapolating, re-evaluating, refocusing, reviewing information. How do you put that into 40 minutes without having half a meltdown before. You did it, you didn't blackout and freeze, you passed, which means that you were not only coherent enough, but your presentation and subject was good enough to pass. Give yourself some credit, this is a huge thing that you nailed!

Put that notion of embarrassment away, you have 0 things to be embarrassed about. Huge congrats and good luck going forward! You got this

Could be worse.

I passed out in a job interview once, because I ate something I shouldn't have, the night before.

A gram of hash. I ate a gram of hash the night before.

Still got the job, oddly.

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What Dinostra said. I’d like to add if it’s still bothering you, just tell your colleges you took 2 pills to calm your nerves and it was a bit too much. Ya’ll will have a good laugh about it.

Next time, just take one and have a small breakfast.

Congratulations!!!

You accomplished the objective. You passed the candidacy. Let the rest go. It’s not worth the energy to regret it or be embarrassed by it.

Congrats, you passed!

So… three, right?

thank u! I m also a STEM grad.

Glad to motivate and guide. Ah ok. What is your area of research interest and PhD topic?

Embrace every moment and opportunity and work towards achieving your professional dreams. Build different networks and mingle with the right people - this is how good opportunities are presented.

Glad to DM if you like. Happy holidays!