You did what you could do, and now you're doing better, yay! You are getting her what she needs now. And she is feeling secure enough to express her needs too, so that's also a good sign of what you're doing.

On the adhd/oppositional defiance thing - on of my children has adhd. And when it's not treated, he gets stressed and then the stress causes lashing out. But when it's treated, he still dislikes authority but he can deal appropriately with it. It was a journey getting there but he did and you will too!

Take heart, the journey isn't always smooth but you have love and you're doing a good as you can do.