TIFU by going on a Grindr date

Submitted by FoldPsychological589 t3_zzhszn in tifu

I had been chatting with a guy on Grindr for a few weeks and we had finally decided to meet in person at a local bar. I was nervous but excited, as I had never met anyone from the app before.

When I arrived at the bar, I saw the guy I had been talking to sitting at a table. I walked over and introduced myself, and he, we’ll call him Mike, stood up and shook my hand.

At first, the conversation was a bit awkward, but as we talked and had a few drinks, we started to relax and enjoy each other's company. We laughed and talked about all kinds of things, and I started to think that maybe this was going to be the start of something special.

But as the night went on, Mike started to get more and more aggressive. He would touch my arm or leg every time he made a point, and he kept leaning in closer and closer. I started to feel uncomfortable, but I didn't want to be rude, so I tried to brush it off.

Eventually, Mike leaned in and whispered in my ear that he wanted to take me home. I froze, not knowing what to do. I wasn't ready for that kind of intimacy with someone I had just met, but I didn't want to hurt Mike's feelings either.

Just as I was about to make an excuse, Mike leaned in and kissed me. I panicked and pushed him away, trying to explain that I wasn't ready for that. But Mike didn't seem to understand, and he grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the bar.

I was terrified, and I knew I had to get away from Mike as soon as possible. I managed to break free and ran out of the bar, not looking back until I was safely in my car and driving away.

As I drove home, I couldn't stop shaking. I had hoped that this would be a fun, exciting experience, but it had turned into a nightmare. I vowed to never meet anyone from a dating app again, and to always trust my instincts when it came to my own safety.

TLDR; guy was way to aggressive on first date and I ran out of the bar we met at.

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Comments

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Nondescriptish t1_j2bou9h wrote

May want to leave info with a trusted friend of who you're meeting and where. Maybe plan a back-up call/text to confirm you're ok.

174

pogiguy2020 t1_j2boy84 wrote

What you learned was a valuable life lesson. I dont know why people use these apps. It is only going to lead to trouble. The odds are against it turning out good.

You might have ended up in his dungeon

−47

Jenn31709 t1_j2bs4yf wrote

I'm glad you're safe! Next time, stay in the bar and make a scene. Don't go outside, stay where there are witnesses. Go over to the bartender or scream and yell, anything to get someone's attention.

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ReadditMan t1_j2bxcki wrote

Replying to pogiguy2020 (#1,206,083)

>The odds are against it turning out good.

I mean, statistically that literally isn't true. Thousands of people use these apps to hook up everyday and the amount of times it goes wrong is a very small percentage. I've used Grindr dozens of times and parted ways with the guys without any conflict at all.

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ensignr t1_j2bya5j wrote

Sorry for your bad experience but I don't really know what you expected from meeting someone off of Grindr; it's a hookup app. The guy you met was probably expecting to get laid not develop a relationship (although maybe that might happen in the future) and would have almost certainly thought you were looking for the same.

Probably try Tinder if that's what you're after or make sure your profile explicitly states that you want to take things slow and that going back to a guys place the first time you meet isn't what you're looking for. This will eliminate any misconception that you're using that app in particular in a way that 99.96% of its users do.

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Savvy_Canadian t1_j2bzpfk wrote

Damn, I'm a guy and all I hear about Grindr is how much gay people meet up just to bang.

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lemon_peppah_wings t1_j2c29l5 wrote

I'm sorry this happened to you!

When my friends and I were in the dating scene we would: -share screenshot of the person's profile/pic(s)

  • share location
  • send a text when we changed locations or were how safe

We would even offer to call after a certain time which would give the other person an excuse to bounce.

Maybe we took too many precautions but dating can be scary. You don't know who is kind vs a predator.

I'm glad you met up in a public place tho! I see too many stories of people meeting at their homes.

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Ok-Pomegranate-5746 t1_j2c333w wrote

How scary for you! Perhaps to get to know someone , meet during the day and don’t have a drink. Find out whether or not there is any chemistry in a safe place .

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Bigfops t1_j2c5evz wrote

Replying to ensignr (#1,208,549)

Up to ‘I panicked and pushed him away’ I’m with you and was thinking the same thing and I agree with your suggestions. But that’s where it should have ended, it should have been clear that things were over and there was a miscommunication in expectations. Everything past that was inexcusable.

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SkyrimIsForTheNerds t1_j2c8j5v wrote

“TIFU by not advocating for myself” you mean. Unfortunately you have to be able to set clear boundaries if you’re going to date, no matter whether you find those people through Grindr or the newspaper wanted ads.

−15

grizzly-kim t1_j2cal3a wrote

Heads up Grindr is mostly a hook up app

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ensignr t1_j2cer0c wrote

Replying to Bigfops (#1,210,635)

Oh yeah. Absolutely. For sure. It doesn't matter what he was expecting once it was made clear by OP that it wasn't on the table, but it's also pretty reasonable to assume that the other guy went in there with completely different expectations.

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coffeebreakhero t1_j2cevlz wrote

Just here to say it's not a tifu because you did nothing wrong. Let's call him Mike has the ability to read body language and signals and ignored yours. He's garbage, you're great, love yourself and move on.

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Living-Substance-668 t1_j2ck34s wrote

Replying to ensignr (#1,208,549)

It went far beyond "this guy got awkward/annoyed when we didnt hook up." Pulling him by the arm out of the bar was scary, predatory behavior. It was clear he didn't respect boundaries or consent. I think most people who use Grindr might expect a hookup, but they would in general not expect to be kidnapped and sexually assaulted.

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kn1ghtcliffe t1_j2clq9k wrote

Replying to lemon_peppah_wings (#1,209,677)

I hooked up with a poly girl who had a friend call twice while she was over, and she even had code phrases set up, one she specifically needed to say in order to discreetly let her friend know everything was going okay and not saying it would initiate a rescue mission. She even let me know beforehand that if she failed to answer the phone (which she was slightly worried about due to the expected kinky sexytimes) when her friend called they would be coming to break down my door lol. Seemed like a very good system to me.

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i-am-a-salty-bitch t1_j2cq2cv wrote

Replying to Nondescriptish (#1,206,057)

i used to share my location with my roommate through findmy when i went out with guys. i also always gave her the name of the guy and where i was going to be. i was an idiot back then and went out a lot with tinder guys. but at least i was a smart idiot

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zvug t1_j2cqh9y wrote

Replying to pogiguy2020 (#1,206,699)

Except it’s not all that uncommon at all.

I imagine you’re part of an older generation because if you were in your 20s or early 30s probably half the people you know have met their long term partners on Tinder or similar.

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NYX_T_RYX t1_j2crzp6 wrote

Replying to Nondescriptish (#1,206,057)

"hey I'm gonna share my live location, I shouldn't be leaving X bar. When I do leave I'll message you"

Then if you're half way across town without a message, something is obviously up.

Also, a lot of phones now will allow discrete SOS messages - my note 20 records 5s audio, front and rear photos and sends live location to 4 people.

So even if you've not prearranged anything, you can still share your location in a pinch - well worth setting it up, especially for a first meet. Hell forget firsts, I still share my location when I go to regular hook-ups. People change 🤷‍♂️

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Lemmonjello t1_j2cvj5p wrote

Not sure a hookup app is for you, you don't seem ready. Holy shit edit because I didn't finish reading glad to hear you're OK.

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johnandahalf13 t1_j2cvnbp wrote

It's been about 8 years since I had Grindr on my phone, but it was a hook-up app back then. There was no such thing as a "Grindr date". It was for f#cking, not dating. Has it changed, or are you using the wrong app?

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allbright1111 t1_j2cvrs9 wrote

Replying to pogiguy2020 (#1,206,699)

I know tons of people in successful relationships and marriages who met via dating apps. I’m still friends with people I met on dating apps and dated in the past. These sites/apps are just a tool for meeting people. Nothing inherently bad about them, but you still need to be smart, just like any social situation with new people.

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performance_issue t1_j2dbml7 wrote

Just a heads up, Grindr is NOT a dating app. It's used as a way to connect with people who want to fuck like 99% of the time.

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LanceLight93 t1_j2ddih8 wrote

Replying to johnandahalf13 (#1,217,820)

I use it to date but it just takes a bit longer to work up to that. if you are clear up front that you want no sex on the first meet up for safety reasons a good few people will respect that but you really REALLY have to communicate clearly

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dietreich t1_j2dh9vb wrote

Went through the comment section first just to make sure my first thought wasn’t only me. But Grindr is known for being a straight up hookup app. My roommate is a gay man and he’s explained it to me a little bit.

from what I’ve seen between him and all my other gay friends, a lot of the interactions are straight up like meet up get some head or give head. Or maybe dinner and fuck. But that app, most the people on there are straight to the point.

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Grigonite t1_j2drjl8 wrote

Wtf was OP thinking. I’ve worked with several gays over the years, and holy shit. They are the horniest, most aggressive bastards, even towards strait guys.

OP definitely should have known that his grindr date was gonna probably just looking to pack some fudge.

0

cedarpangolin t1_j2dzs5u wrote

I’m sorry you experienced this… sexual predators are very dangerous, and adding in mental illness doesn’t help matters. Glad you’re safe and smartened up for the future!

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ChicagoBiHusband t1_j2e6if7 wrote

I'm sorry that happened to you. The guy should have read the social cues better and not been so aggressive.

But in his defense, as others have said, Grindr is all about hooking up for sex. There are guys that want to date and their profiles clearly state that they will not fuck on the first date and that they need to get to know someone well before that's going to happen. Otherwise, most guys expect a meeting to lead to sex unless the person clearly says, "This isn't going to work out. Sorry."

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SavvyMac93 t1_j2e86i8 wrote

I’m so sorry this Happened to you. This is extremely traumatizing. My sister has a similar experience with a dating app. I wanted her to persue charges but she wouldn’t. Some guys just want easy sex but there are definitely predators on there. Disturbing

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kn1ghtcliffe t1_j2edxv0 wrote

Replying to Josquius (#1,220,548)

Yeah I've heard those kinds of stories but I've never actually met anyone who had that story. I think it may be clever background marketing by tinder to draw more people into their app.

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NoliaButtercup t1_j2efkq5 wrote

I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I didn't want to be rude.

This - stop this. Your comfort, sense of safety, and actual safety are far more important. Do not talk to anyone or do anything you don't want to do.

"No" is a complete sentence. No explanations needed.

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Josquius t1_j2egthn wrote

Replying to kn1ghtcliffe (#1,234,447)

Well. Hi.

I went out with a few girls I met on tinder. Though only one could be set to have been pure hook up and that it.

Eventually matched with my partner on there - though tinder being tinder we didn't even meet and ran into each other completely independently.

A tonne of people I know have similar stories. Most people who met their SO after 25 or so actually.

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kn1ghtcliffe t1_j2ehu3t wrote

Replying to Josquius (#1,235,455)

Tbf I did end up meeting a girl I could have seen myself ending up with but she had commitment issues that made that impossible.

I was looking for something more serious, she said she was just looking for something casual. She kept telling me I should keep seeing other people, like repeatedly telling me. I kept saying no until after a couple months of her saying this I gave in and did so. Then she got jealous and upset that I was doing exactly what she had been telling me to do for months. Then she denied ever doing so. 🙄 Oh well, the sex was great while it lasted and I eventually learned that she wanted kids while I seriously do not and that it wouldn't have worked out anyways.

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UnholyKnight23 t1_j2epwc3 wrote

Grindr can be for casual dating if you are abundantly clear in your bio what you are looking for and are thorough with your vetting process. That said, you will probably have to pass up on at least 95% of the horny folk just trying to smash. Just don’t meet up until you have some back and forth messaging and set expectations

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kn1ghtcliffe t1_j2f556p wrote

Replying to lemon_peppah_wings (#1,242,885)

It's terrible that people feel the need to take such measures to feel/stay safe but I understand why they do so I never begrudge them for it. I just go into a date expecting her best friend to know my name, face, and address; or wherever it is that we happen to be meeting. And while I find people spending time on their phone during a date to be annoying, for all I know she's updating her friend on her continued safety so I don't make a deal of it.

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Mediocre-Tomato- t1_j2fjedo wrote

do you have self love? you made a mistake when you didn't give enough just to not hurt Mike

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