Thanks for the kindness! Nice to see some humanity. I have learned a lot about this place from all my trauma and have def been the stabber and the stabbed. I have never cheated on a partner ever but I've slept with girls in relationships. Even that kinda fucked me up. I was just young and horny but after the encounters were done id be just kind of grossed out. Like you can really sleep with someone and then answer your phone and tell your man how much you miss him and how much he means to you?

So yeah, I've done my dirt but I realized how much of a shit bag I was as soon as I did them. I would never sleep with someone in a relationship anymore.

The guarded part is really awful though. I mean, it's literally EVERY relationship in every form doesn't carry the weight it did when I was in my 20s. When I was younger (31 now) I used to hold my relationships way tighter with a "my girl has my back no matter what" and "my best friend would never fuck me over" but after watching how humans are I realize there's a VERY small percent of loyalty in this world.

I am stupid dumb fiercely loyal. I had a therapist after a certain incident tell me that I hold people to the same standards I hold myself too and not everyone is like me and that's just going to cause unhappiness and they are so right. I just have to face the cold hard facts that there's a good chance I'll never have somebody wether a partner or a friend who is as loyal as me. So I just work on loving myself more so instead.

Hope you doing good too and navigating this strange human experience with success!