TIFU by almost hooking up with one of my best friends.

Submitted by throwawayonlypls t3_zuzd66 in tifu

We were at a house party of some of our mutual friends, things got out of hand and we started fooling around. Sex wasn't involved but we got pretty close before thinking it wasn't a good idea. We just cuddled and slept. The next day she starts acting a little weird and i feel like she has caught feelings. She has felt this way about me in the past but i wasn't interested and didn't wanna ruin our friendship so we just called it off. I still don't wanna ruin the friendship and I'm still not into her that way, but at the same time I don't wanna hurt her and tell her to go away or smth. After a few days she starts flirting with me on text and i wasn't really flirting back so out of nowhere she sends me nudes. I didn't wanna be rude and disrespect her so I kinda played along but not that much. I'm afraid this is gonna ruin our friendship and most importantly I'm not looking for a relationship rn.

TL;DR- Almost hooked up with a friend and now she's caught feelings. I don't wanna ruin the friendship

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Comments

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Synn0289 t1_j1m4r76 wrote

Leading her on(even tho you think you're not)will cause more damage than just being honest. You have to tell her the truth, be honest to the point.

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Kartoshka_pricel t1_j1mfjk8 wrote

Been on the receiving end of this... Not fun

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JJMcGee83 t1_j1n5wit wrote

There's no fun to be had. Either do it now or do it later. The sooner you stop the bleeding the sooner it heals.

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throwawayonlypls OP t1_j1mm2t8 wrote

What would you rather have them do instead?

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Kartoshka_pricel t1_j1molrp wrote

Tell me flat out that it's not going to happen. It's going to suck but it's better than the other way. Believe me

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meowsalynne t1_j1m4wrf wrote

You’re already ruining it by not being upfront. She sent you nudes of herself. You need to be straight up ASAP. She’s probably going to be upset / embarrassed especially since you “played into the nudes”. This is unfair and you need to tell her as soon as you can in the most respectful way possible.

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joemoorcarz t1_j1n7izc wrote

Just remember to respectfully compliment her on the nudes. While you're at it.

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Yukisuna t1_j1m74o1 wrote

Oh no no no. I’ve been in your position before (but with men), if you don’t tell them it straight they’ll keep working themselves up projecting their feelings for you back at themselves.

Sorry OP, i think it’s too late to salvage this. She might have been into you all this time and just hoping she’d get her chance eventually.

Rip this bandaid off. It’ll only get worse the longer you let this keep going.

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AYASOFAYA t1_j1mc2jx wrote

You already ruined it by fooling around with someone you know had feelings for you in the past. That was your first mistake. You have to end it and if she accuses you of sending mixed signals it’s fair for her to feel that way.

PSA to all, not just OP: The moment you find out someone likes you, that context and history STAYS with everything you do from that point. So if you let them continue to flirt with you, you are at least somewhat complicit in leading them on, and “but I didn’t actively flirt back” doesn’t absolve you. You do need to actually communicate with them that you’re not interested. If you know exactly what they are pursuing and make a conscious choice to let them continue pursuing it, that’s enough to signal “there’s opportunity here.”

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CthulhuLovesMemes t1_j1n8mze wrote

I had a few best male friends that I said flat out after they tried to ask me on a date or be flirty that I wasn’t interested (two were brothers and I practically lived at their house because I was neglected by my family). I was known as a “notorious friend zoner,” for being honest ffs. Some people act like you owe them a chance, too.

Just a heads up though, feelings aren’t easy to get rid of if you see someone all the time and I learned that the hard way by someone carrying a torch for years thinking I’d feel different one day. You might have to end this friendship. Think about it. Just like the comment above, you already fooled around and she’s sending you nudes. If someone else likes you, your best friend will likely fuck that up as well.

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Doe966 t1_j1m4xbl wrote

She’s into you and she always has been.

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Unounofive t1_j1n2tqv wrote

I feel like translating this… “I’m a guy who got a bit horny and made out with a girl I friend zoned who isn’t really all that good looking, I’ve strung her along forever as a friend in case I ever got desperate but she’s not good enough to date. How do I keep her on the line without sealing the deal and damaging my rep!?”

Seriously though, a lot of really great relationships are founded from friendships. Just sayin. Also, she’s probably out of your league anyways.

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DrShrooms1 t1_j1m7q2x wrote

Should've smashed

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blondiemariesll t1_j1mam44 wrote

Nice girls always get friend zoned

(Hoping ppl can feel the reek of sarcasm here)

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Nebulaires t1_j1mx5lr wrote

Why did you do anything with her, knowing she used to be into you? This just seems like you didn't think about shit, and I don't see any other comments ripping into you. Yea, it was a mistake, but it was a mistake for you. For someone else it was almost what they've been wanting for who knows how long, and then being led on. Think about them, and how you've treated them. They deserves honesty and you should be very sure to learn from this. We all make mistakes but fucking around with someone else's feelings when you know it won't go well is a really fucking stupid move.

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adorex3 t1_j1mcwpk wrote

So you made out with your ugly friend at a friends party and now you regret it huh?

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Slammogram t1_j1nx1jp wrote

Why would you almost have sex with her if you aren’t into her? Just tell this girl the truth and move on. Christ

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fredsam25 t1_j1mj9fb wrote

The friendship has already been ruined. That much is certain after the nudes arrived and you said nothing. You now have to decide whether it's worth the effort to rebuild it or just walk away.

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Fwizzle45 t1_j1orqzr wrote

Yea you gotta put a hard stop on this shit. You knew she had feelings for you in the past and it sounds like you went pretty far, even if you didn't have sex. She 100% has taken that as you're interested now, but you aren't. I would think you're interested too if I were in her shoes. You're leading her on, even if it's not intentional. Best way to salvage that friend ship is tell her bluntly that you aren't interested and that you're sorry for taking things too far when you were both drinking. Plus, obviously, don't do it again.

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patchinthebox t1_j1mwutp wrote

Too late. You either come clean and tell her you can't be in a relationship with her or you go for it and bang.

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BitchBeCrazy711 t1_j1n0vb7 wrote

Don’t let yourself “play along” anymore

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FriscoKid96 t1_j1n2h9x wrote

Send her a dick pic don't be rude

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zemuffinmuncher t1_j1nixzi wrote

If you truly value her you need to be honest with her and tell her you care about her but you just don’t have feelings for her, no “it’s not the right time” etc. and then go radio silent for a while. It’s not fair on her to maintain the friendship and making her believe something might happen between you later on.

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ttppii t1_j1pi06b wrote

How do you ruin a friendship by getting into a relationship? That is the way for the best relationship ever.

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HelpMyCatHasGas t1_j1m9wgq wrote

My dude; I think it's already gone too far. To stop it now could be tough but you can try. It may be a bit hard to get back to a friendship. I'm sorry to tell you think but it's difficult after these lines been crossed. Maybe go forward and see what happens? Maybe this could be something great? Don't get too down but take your time on your decision

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Pookaball t1_j1pgx45 wrote

why are people like this. just develop a relationship without ruining the friendship

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No-Bobcat-883 t1_j1miwfj wrote

Why can’t she be more than a friend? If this friendship is so great, why not friends and partners for life and make it work till death do us part? If you push back now the friendship is screwed anyway. If you give it a chance assuming you are sexually attracted to her and she is a great person you wanna be friends for life with… why not give it a shot? Better have tried to make it work than not saying you “treasure the friendship” and don’t wanna risk it, but crush it anyway. If you both really tried and it failed you can say I treasure you as a friend but we unfortunately didn’t work out and I gave us a chance.

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throwawayonlypls OP t1_j1mn4io wrote

I mean this in the most respectful way possible but I don't think she is my 'type' as a partner. I mean she's great as a friend but just not as a partner

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Vast_Reflection t1_j1mtye9 wrote

Physically or emotionally?

You can date outside your type by the way.

Just trying to get more context?

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lordgoofus1 t1_j1o0b2m wrote

There's some good advice in the comments, but in general it feels a bit like TIFU (or reddit as a whole) has turned into r/ roastme.

So many rude/judgemental comments instead of providing neutral advice that avoids personal insults and leaving it at that :/

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FlakyAd8785 t1_j1panyu wrote

FUCK THAT BITCH! If she wants it, give it to her!

0