Your friend probably recognized you weren't in a "normal" state and didn't want to take advantage of you, because even if you say you want it, and even if in a "normal" state you would want to, it'd legally be considered rape.

If you really are a team then take this advice from an older teen, don't drink underage, and don't try to hook up young, I know some teens have their temptations but the more you focus on yourself and the more you force the usual teen urges away, the more time you'll realize that your going to be and adult so and need to stop this kind of stuff.

This advice might not work for you because this advice work for me but I'm very different from you might be, so look for advice that fits you and don't trust the advice from one person solely

Stop getting wasted for starters. You have years ahead of you and looking at older impressionable people on the internet or TV getting shitfaced and fucking everyone doesn’t mean you need to have that lifestyle, because it’s a terrible life to have and the vomiting, fear of what you don’t remember and possibly unplanned pregnancies are not worth it. And props to your friend for rejecting your signs because it could have ruined your life and his if it went any further. Not drinking as much and realising those you see online have the money to make their problems go away, will make you think twice. Because you won’t get to their level unless your parents are loaded. Just be a 15 year old who has a brain and doesn’t want to push a baby out and be in agony at age 16, your mental health in adulthood will thank you.

thank you so much its just hard when taking my childhood into consideration so i basically feel like my body is my only worth. also its hard to not drink bc i rly love alcohol and drugs and lots of my friends do it like we smoke a shit ton of weed together and drink a lot together but ig i'll try and be safe with everything. thank you again.

yeaaah that makes sense. he also just isnt ready yet but i was like rly drunk and just saying shit. im glad he didnt take advantage of me.

If you can't ditch the drugs and alcohol then try slowly lower what you take, don't quite fully without professional help because that can be harmful to you

thank you though im not sure if i'll be able to stop drinking since i rly enjoy alcohol and drugs and all that but im gonna try. as for fucking everyone im gonna try and stop that too even though i literally havent fucked anyone yet LMAO but ykwim im just gonna stop acting promiscuous.

Ye fucked up more than that day as I read these comments OP. Get a grip, try to work small positive change into yer life, quit the alcohol n drugs, it’ll destroy yer brain before ye even have a proper one. Go work out, get a healthy routine, find some hobbies to pour yer money into rather than drugs n drink.

im too scared to tell professionals bc i'll be called a snitch and people dont like snitches. also a few of my friends have communication with gangs and cartels so i rly dont wanna piss off any of those guys!

yah i know its just really really hard to quit drugs and all that but im trying not to be as reckless.

Yeah, if he's been you best friend for 10 years and assuming you didn't make him feel uncomfortable this will pass.

Ease off on the alcohol, have a bit of patience, don't be surprised if he feels a similar way but didn't want to take advantage while you are drunk.

Why tf are you getting wasted as a fifteen year old child? That's the fuck up here

Hey OP, you need to slow down and calm down. Last month you were contemplating suicide. Last week you were self harming. Now you are posting about getting drunk and doing drugs and trying to hook up. Either you are researching for a role on the “Kids” movie remake or you are going down a very dangerous path very early in your life. Take a step back and focus on school, only on school for awhile. Find someone to talk to if you need, your school should have a counselor

had a rough childhood and also have friends that do drugs and drink sooo thats your answer lol

So don't drink any more. No one is forcing you to. Bad choices lead to bad results, good choices usually lead to good results. You're fifteen. Keep drinking like that and you're in for a short and sad life.

i cant. i always do reckless things and just realized it. was in the hospital for an attempt a few weeks ago and then got asked for nudes and then i drank fucking smirnoff and took valium with friends and ive been going up and down up and down like depressed happy and whatever. im just really unstable and idk what to do atp. im too scared to stop ive gotten too far deep and i find drugs and alcohol fun anyways. also scared to snitch bc as i mentioned in a previous comment my friends know gang members and im afraid of what will happen if i say anything

You can you just chose not to

i dont think you realize how addiction and mental health issues work.

I’ve dealt with depression for the past 11 years of my life

its not that easy. the problem is im really unstable and i do shit impulsively and recklessly without even thinking. if it was so easy to just stop i wouldnt have made this post

yeah but its different for me. i cant just not selfharm or quit drugs and shi its hard aff. trust me i flushed over a hundred pills down the toilet once bc i promised myself i'd get clean but i just couldnt do it so i relapsed once i found more pills. im gonna smoke a gram of weed soon anywayss

It is that easy. Stop making excuses and start making better choices. No one can do it for you, and while I'm sure you have trauma, your traumas don't dictate your choices unless you let them.

Yikes….

it really isnt trust me ive tried to quit so many times. i started selfharming at 10/11 yrs old but here i am at 15 and still doing it even when i made promises, threw out blades and swore to myself i'd never do it again. im trying i really am i even cleaned my entire room and have been clean for selfharm for a few days. i am trying really hard to get better but i just dont have a support system..

That's a good step. But finding something to replace alcohol is key. Alcohol abuse just makes you depressed.

well the issue is its not rly alcohol that i abuse that much. i take pills to get high and i smoke weed and i cut myself or even burn myself occassionally. its an addiction to harm myself in any way possible ive even desensitized myself from gore and im getting fucked up each day. this is tiring..

Okay, so, this is you asking for help. I'm just an internet stranger. But I can promise you that you won't find help hurting yourself. You're three years from full independence. You'll make it.

You need to get professional help. Like admit yourself to a mental hospital type of help, considering you’re burning yourself to self harm.

First of all, stop drinking and doing drugs. You’re 15. Be very thankful you didn’t get raped. Stop trying to rush things. Focus on your schooling and health.

Then get yourself into inpatient treatment/rehab. You probably ruined your friendship with that guy. He will not see you the same way again. Get your priorities straight.

You need to talk out everything with a therapist. And what you say to a therapist is not going to get back to your friends. Try to get your family to get you an appointment with a therapist. Or do it on your own if you can. It sounds like you have had a rough childhood.

Young people who have been abused and mistreated/ not loved properly have tendencies to use substances. You are on a dangerous slippery slope. Weed is one thing (it’s not great for kids as it affects the growth of your brain as you get older, and it can cause mood issues). Try not to mess with it until you are older. But at least it won’t kill you. Alcohol and pills are another story, they will lead to misery. I’ve just had a cousin die from alcoholism in their mid 30s. Another cousin died from a drug overdose, either fentanyl or heroin. Right now it’s taking pills “because it’s fun”, on s year or two it’s becoming addicted to heroin. And if you think the urges are hard now you have no idea when that addiction comes.

And even before a heroin / opiate addiction comes you take a risk each time you buy pills from on the street as they could be fentanyl. The amount of teens dying from overdoses the past couple years has skyrocketed.
You never know what you are really taking nowadays.
Get into therapy, hopefully you find a good therapist; open up to them. They will help you talk out stuff. It can work wonders to get feedback like that, to trust someone with your thoughts. Someone who cares about your well-being.
The friends that pressure you / or are a bad influence on using alcohol & pills are not good friends. Real friends look out after one another. Get close to friends who don’t use that hard stuff. And screw anyone who’s associated with gangs. Even if you open up to a school counselor you don’t have to talk about anyone else. You are not snitching. Going for help for yourself is about you, not them.
I hope you can find a better path for yourself because right now your future doesn’t look very good for you. Please try your absolute best to get help. I hope you do, and that you will find peace within yourself to where you don’t need any of those dangerous hard drugs/ alcohol. You need a trustworthy confident to lean on and to talk everything out, and real friends who actually look out after you.

you are 15... wait with that stuff untill you are in college

15 years old and drunk That's your TIFU the rest of the story doesn't matter.

You’re going to ruin your life and all your relationships if you keep making excuses for your shitty behavior.

You don’t have to tell them about people involved. Just about yourself and what you are going to. For all anyone knows you could be hanging out with other group of people as well.

I also used to abuse alcohol in my teen years. The only reason I stopped is because I lost all of my friends which was a blessing in disguise - yes that was the darkest moment of my life but I got through that. Alcohol doesn’t help anything, it just causes more problems - even now at 24 I drink on weekends but I know I should cut it off as it doesn’t even bring me that much fun as it used to.

How to change things - start by not looking for excuses and reasons not to but by finding solutions. Like “I have substance abuse problems- let’s start by lowering the intake. Instead of doing that I’m gonna go on a walk, or do a hobby (for me super helpful was teaching myself how to play the guitar)”. Start small. Also I’d advise cutting the friends off. Trying to join after school activities to find friends with likeminded interests.

As for self harming - I used to do that to try and replace emotional pain with physical (having emotion dysregulation/hyperemotionality didn’t help but I only learned I have that a year ago). What helped me was finding a meaningful person to me who I didn’t want to let down so I stopped it for most part. I’ve attempted unaliving myself. Ended up spending a month in mental institution. Couple months later tried to do that with antidepressants had the worst time - so bad I decided to stop using them in general. You know what I discovered? That even if I felt good I wanted to make myself feel bad. That I had this self sabotaging tendency. So I’ve stopped that. You have to learn to love yourself. Start by looking in the mirror and telling yourself compliments and how amazing you are. Even if you don’t believe it. You’ll say it until one day you’ll be like “you know what? I do like me. I’m amazing. Fuck the world - I’ll be the best version of myself for myself”. You got this.

Sorry for the wall of text but I hope that you read it and hopefully this will somehow help. I hated when people told me this but - you’re still young and have years to live. It does get better. You and only you can make it better. Believe in yourself.