I’m curious what her family does that makes you not like spending time with them.

Its like... okay to not be big on your gf's family... my gf like despises my mom... it is what it is, you shouldnt have to like walk on eggshells about it. I feel since she knew you were already not super i to her fam she maybe should have been more prepared for a no to the trip thing?

You're in a relationship with her. If she wants her family to be part of her life, and by extension yours, you will need to bury that part of you that judges them and spend time them.

It's okay to talk to her about how the family makes you feel, but if you're drawing a line in the sand that says you're not willing to try to support her, I wouldn't count on being in that relationship long-term, and that might be the best for both of you.

"I love your family!"

"Yes, but I hate yours and because I don't want to put the needs of my partner before myself, in an area that really I should be able to, don't expect anything from me."

Maybe so. (I think) She was excited to go and really hoping for a yes from me as well. I can also be really inconsistent with what I do and don't want to do, so maybe she was just playing off the hope I say yes.

Either way, its good that you at least talked about it. If she knows she may be able to help bridge that gap and make interacting with her fam more tolerable? If you agreed to go maybe make a goal of the trip to better understand the family dynamic? Maybe your perceiving it in a way thats worse then how they see it? Idk just kinda spit ballin here.

It's mostly how they treat each other when we've been out and what I've heard from my girlfriend. I think it's mostly the "I don't care" attitude they seem to have about each other. They just often refuse to do the smallest favors or show any kindness whatsoever for basically any reason. I was raised the exact opposite and it makes me so frustrated to see family act that to one another, but I know I can't say anything about it. It's not my place.

I understand. I definitely do need to bury it and just try my best, I think I'm holding a lot of judgment against them without much real reason. So I'll try and see how it goes.

I do try to support her with her family problems, I just do not want to become this backbone that she always relies on. It may be unfair but I feel like she needs to be able to deal with some of it herself. I didn't include this in the original post but we're both going off to college very soon, meaning I most likely won't be able to be there for her every little thing and why I want her to learn to be able to help herself. That being said, I don't really understand where I'm drawing the line, or where I don't want to put her needs before mine.

It's very possible I'm perceiving it that way. The more I think about it, the more I tend to shift towards that. I'll definitely make that a goal of the trip, and I'll try to talk to her about it in a way that's more towards building (like you said bridging the gap) our relationship rather than tearing it down.

I know it probably doesn't seem like it now, but life is too short to go on a trip with people you don't like, and passive aggressive snipes like "sorry my family isn't perfect" doesn't make your girlfriend sound like somebody that it's worthwhile spending time with either.

I'm not saying you should break up with her; I'm just saying that you should think about your priorities. How and with whom do you want to spend your time?

Yeah, that sounds like a great way to make sure you're miserable.

This is the best of all replies.

Life is far too short to put yourself voluntarily in situations where you will be unhappy.

A partner who values and recognises your right to not be miserable is one worth being with.

I think the fact that you’re both younger makes a difference. If you were closer to marriage, and seriously considering legally joining each other’s families in the next few years, that makes this type of sacrifice much more important. But if you’re both on your way to college, it’s a lot less likely you’ll be interacting with each other’s families a ton, at least during the school year. Overall, I could be wrong, but at that age there’s probably many steps before marriage, so unless you have to see them all the time, integrating into a family you find difficult doesn’t need to be your biggest priority. It can be done in smaller, more manageable doses than a prolonged trip with them. I also respect the honesty in an uncomfortable situation

And now you've told her, "you don't care".

You'll fit in perfectly. Go on the trip.

From an old guy. You have to decide if you are in it for the long haul. My in-laws are challenging, I do the stuff I am asked but I have outs that I can take so I am not a complete dick about doing them. Does it suck? Sometimes. Can I find spaces of fun? Yeah. Do I have to bail at times? Yeah, but my wife and I have 3 kids and have done a ton of stuff together and when she has my baggage to carry she does it. Life has obligations and partners carry them together. They aren’t your family so you can’t remember the great times so they value isn’t there. However if you love and value her, the happiness these activities give her should make you happy.

If none of that is true let her find someone who can be uncomfortable from time to time to have her be happy.

Then they are in the wrong relationship. It's clear that the family is important to her.