ACoconutInLondon t1_ixasrfx wrote on November 22, 2022 at 1:25 AM

Reply to comment by MagiCarlos in Tifu by ruining my relationship and a special night by Freerz

>OP's gf might be being unfair, but it's not her fault and doesnt mean she doesnt care

The only thing OP has said regarding the GF is that she said he "ruined her night" that's why I asked the question.

I get what you're saying, but OP has said nothing about GF being concerned for him.

And honestly, given what seems to have gone down, to minimize it as "ruining her night" after everything else he did for her, comes off as possibly narcissistic to me.

Edit: OP said in a comment that GF is a keeper, but has offered no reason why or any explanation of her reaction, that's why I asked about length of relationship and whether they've been out drinking before. If it's a short relationship and/or they've never been out drinking, then I can see why GF might not give him the benefit of the doubt, but we don't know.

MagiCarlos t1_ixaumng wrote on November 22, 2022 at 1:39 AM

Idk, from (my personal) experience with emotionally volitile situations, my guess would be that she is holding back because she hasnt processed it enough to bring it up (without being too mean or too kind and regretting it). She needs to work out how she feels about the situation.

It must have been something pretty bad for the negativity to outweigh all the good he did.

Either way, the info provided (or lack thereof) its not enough info to make assertions like that and, worst case, could make OP belittle her feelings by calling her out (and in the process force her to explain how she feels before she has fully processed it, which will absolutely not go well). Plus if OP brings up her lack of concearn for him that will come across as extremely narcissistic.

People need to be allowed to process traumatic situations and more often than not that means biting their tongue and not talking about the situation at all until their emotions settle down and they can think/speak rationally.

She is considering leaving OP so should get all the space she needs, instead of having her partner get it into their head that she is being selfish (its just a recipe for disaster) because of assumtions like that.

Edit: Assumptions in situations like these are almost always wrong (or at least very risky) because of incomplete data. OP needs to wait for their gf to explain how she feels, then judge from that how to proceed with said information.