Impulsive94 t1_ix8ple9 wrote
Something similar happened to me shortly after meeting my ex. We'd been seeing each other for 2 months at this point. She had a small group of 3 friends she used to go on nights out with - 2 guys and a girl. None of them had slept together but she'd kissed one of the guys ages ago & it turns out he had a thing for her. Didn't discover that until after all this.
In short, we went to this guys place for pre drinks and pizza. All good, feeling good and we go out. 2 bars through and 5-6 drinks in for me, we go to a club but me and him are walking ahead of the others. We get into the club and he buys me a drink.
After that I was apparently dancing with the other girl closely while he was there with her telling her how bad I was for her and how he'd never do that to her. I remember bits and pieces, her taking me to the women's toilets because she needed a wee and didn't want to leave me alone because of the state I was in. Ended up throwing up loads in there before she took me out and we got a cab back to this guys place as a group. Threw up a bunch more throughout the night and woke up feeling like death warmed up and no memory of anything past entering the club and him getting us a drink.
Her friend was driving me and her home and it was the coldest, quietest ride I've ever had. I was clueless so was asking what was wrong, if they were just hungover etc and nobody said a word. She told me what I'd done when we got back and was close to breaking up with me.
She told me about this guy and what he was saying while I was dancing with her friend. I asked her if he was big into drugs or anything dodgy because it didn't feel right that I'd be so drink after so few drinks - she even said it was bizarre because she'd had the same amount of drinks as me up until the club and was a lot smaller than me, but was still fully aware of what she was doing. She said he does all sorts - Mcat, coke, MDMA, ketamine, whatever. It all kinda clicked because like you, OP, I knew my limits and I was barely tipsy before we went into the club. The only drink I had all night without her there or one of us watching it on our table was with him.
After taking some time on her own to think, she suspected he'd drugged me to win her over and show that he was better than other guys for her. Dude was hounding her to meet up while we took a break. She was initially heartbroken when she saw me dancing with her friend & he was holding her back, but when she saw the state I was in when I came back to the table she recognised I was completely out of it and took care of me.
Stayed together 4 and a half years after that, then she cheated on me in our home during lockdown lmao.
In short, all you can do is ask her if that's the person she knows you to be (drunk any other time or sober), apologise profusely and ask her to sit down and walk through the night with you - when did you leave drinks unattended, when did your behaviour change etc. She might put 2 and 2 together for something you don't remember and this will both help you understand what happened to you as well as maybe clear things up with her.
Regardless, I'd apologise to anyone that you upset separately for anything you said. Don't blame it on being drugged as you don't have any proof, just take the L for now. Your GF will tell them what you talk about separately and hopefully they'll understand. Good luck.
Freerz OP t1_ix8q53v wrote
Thanks for the insight. Sorry you went through that!
Impulsive94 t1_ix96xeb wrote
It's all good! Really shit at the time & took me a couple months to fully understand it but realised it was never my fault, nor something I really had control over. You were in a similar position from the sounds of it, so don't blame yourself or for any of the fallout that comes from it.
cmori3 t1_ixaerbz wrote
One thing to keep in mind from his comment, girl in question acted exactly like yours. Even though it "worked out" (she believed him) she still cheated on him years later. The fact that your girlfriend is acting the same suggests she will do this too. Please keep it in mind.
NiceIsNine t1_ixc0oxr wrote
Years later is enough time to change completely, hell I would say a month is enough to change a person completely, especially that it happened during lockdown and people can play with your mind, so no, the fact that the girlfriend acted the same suggests nothing.
cmori3 t1_ixaej7o wrote
Jesus, us guys need to get better at reading red flags. Her friend drugs you to try and break you up and she is trying to decide if she should do it or not.
Even when she realized that you were drugged and something was not right, she sticks to her guns "maybe we should break up"... Right after her criminal friend fkn drugged you. It was completely her fault but you were made to suffer.
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Seems like such a common issue with women, where they think very positively of themselves morally and this allows them to act in the most heinous ways towards people who are close to them. As guys we probably need some situations like this to identify if we have a good partner. It's not enough to look at their positive aspects, we have to see them in a situation where they feel justified in being the worst version of themselves.
Impulsive94 t1_ixaj93s wrote
That's not a healthy attitude to have man. Can't go through life thinking about all the worst case scenarios and it's not fair to tar every woman with the same brush because of one experience.
Yes something shitty happened to me but you have to look at it from both sides. She just thought I was drunk and trying it on with her close friend in front of her. I didn't and don't blame her for thinking the worst, but we spoke about it and she listened to me. That's what matters.
cmori3 t1_iy2n7o9 wrote
Well I'm talking about avoiding these horrible experiences that come from trusting women who are not trustworthy. I think when this woman was so ready to blame you for her friend drugging you, that should have been a sign for you to end the relationship. You can say you disagree but it's a difficult case to make because the relationship ended with her cheating. Like she nearly did when her friend drugged you.
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