Perhaps you should be saying this to her, and not Reddit?

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> she asked about what we do on a daily basis that is uniting.

> I said “most couples at 20 years have kids they’re wrangling”

> she is basically infertile due to PCOS

> I tried to backpedal. “I don’t blame you.”

Do you really not?

Because I think you do, and I think you brought it up when challenged to hit her back where it hurts.

Because that was a pretty cruel thing to say.

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She's never going to forget what you've said. Your apology might resonate at some point, but it'll never mean much to her. And it certainly won't take away the power of what you've said to her.

Honestly, it seems as though there might be a little resentment toward her about this, counseling would be my first approach for sure.

But yeah, idk if anything you can say/do will fix this, unfortunately. Is there a word for the feminine equivalent to being immasculated by your partner? Her self esteem is likely taking a massive hit rn, she needs to be reminded how much she means to you.

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Most women grow up believing their purpose is child-raising and family-making. Even if she wasn't indoctrinated like the rest of us, it's definitely a sore spot for a lot of us as we get older. Please, please be genuine in your apology attempt. This isn't like accidentally scratching her car when you borrowed it, you've essentially repeated something negative she's likely been hearing for a long time.

It's really hard not to internalize fertility issues.

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Yup... You fucked up.

I'd say "Sucks to be you" because there is no easy or fast way out of this one ... but really - I have more sympathy for your wife.

Do Better.

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This happened to me 20 years ago. I was sterile. Wife told her entire family that I was THE PROBLEM. She literally told her family that I was a biologically defective person.
She shamed me, asking herself out loud how she could have married a REJECT. THEN, I got to experience the shame of her telling her entire family. Like WTF. None of their F Business !!!

Been there. My only job in life I wanted to be able to have a child and fate decided for me.
She picked a book of sperm donors and told me to pick some guy that looked like ME that was smart. I have never felt so LOW in all of my life.
After the child was born she had this amazing bond with “our” child and has always pushed this hidden to him, this animosity towards me. Now it’s like I’m a third wheel. She and him make fun of me. Life did not turn out like I thought it was going to.