You should apologize sincerely. And now you know you also should not drink because evidently you are a mean drunk.

Apologizing was the first thing i did. I feel the most awful about how they must be feeling.

Yeah im definitely not drinking again. At least i have learned from this.

I had the same thing happen to me, luckily I kept most of the friends due to them being understanding, but I heavily regulate my drinking to only drinks that work from me so I never really get more than tipsy.

Im glad to hear you kept yours.

Maybe mine will be ok, but it will never be the same again will it?

Something slightly changes, but in time things will reach a new normal that everyone's comfortable with, you can't change the past but by apologising and being more organised in the future it'll be ok, and you'll reach a sort of inner peace about it that's usually matched by your friends :)

Real friends wouldn't leave you over one night being a drunk A-hole.

Here’s the plan. I know you already apologized, but take a step back, and a week or so away from everyone, and then comeback and apologize again, but tell them how you will change (like not drinking again) to ensure it doesn’t happen again. And tell them that you understand how they feel and you are willing to work on your relationships with them , and you know it will take time, but they are important to you and you hope that they will give you another chance. This type of genuine reflection on your actions, as well as a plan to improve in the future, are the ingredients for true everlasting friendship and show that you are serious. Good luck

Ill do this. I hope it helps. Thank you for the advice

Many years ago before I figured out I was an alcoholic I was heavily drinking at the bar. I insulted one of my oldest friends and his fiancée. That night I lost that friend and it wasn't until a few years later did I realize I had the problem. You may lose your friends, but it's ok. You will make more, but what you need to do it figure out why you got so angry and aggressive and fix that part of you. Not drinking will only solve a surface problem and until you get to the root of that problem you won't truly make a difference that will lead to life-long change for the better. I wish you luck and a peaceful future.

A better solution, beside just swearing off drinking, might be therapy. Confront the issues and put in the work you deserve that to yourself.

Im in therapy. It wont help though, i have absolutely no idea what set me off last night. I dont know what to work on.

Maybe ill figure it out soon though

I'm rooting for you. And if these friends don't take you back, don't let it stop you from continuing your journey of being nice to people. Over time it will absolutely pay off.

A bonus of being nice to people is being able to look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day and be proud of how you handled yourself.

I've found that treating others well makes me feel so much better about myself

It’s a process. i didn’t have breakthroughs in any areas until I got a therapist that turned situations or memories upside down with her questions. Maybe a session soon will Surprise you. Best of luck.

I would say give it a while to rest and then try to reconcile. Not just with an apology but with concrete actions what you will do to prevent it in the future. I always advice people to set boundaries, your friend just did. It's going to suck going back. They don't owe you, but that doesn't mean they might be open for another chance.

I do feel for you, I am struggling with some mental stuff and hooch too. I always internalize and acting out is just not in my system. This is no brag, I just wouldn't want to imagine the pain losing your friends would be.

You said you are already in therapy, I hope this is a topic you can discuss. Because this hurts. I hope you can take a detour from alcohol, its clearly not bringing out your best side. It rarely does with anyone. Keep working on it and talking about it.

I’d consider therapy just for urself regardless of how the friendship goes. Sounds like u have some stuff to work through and that’s normal and acceptable as long as ur willing to take steps to better urself for urself

If you are unclear on your trigger, and one too many turns you into a different person, you probably shouldn’t be drinking at all.

Someone else said it, but a sincere apology with what you will be doing different to not have it happen again, and following that plan could help with these friends.

Think about sand in a glass of water, with enough time it settles to the bottom and you forget it’s there, and the water is clear

but if u shake the glass then it becomes just as dirty as it once was

If u can convince your friends to give you another chance then eventually things can settle but if you screw up again it’ll be worse

Let me preface this by saying it's easy to give tough advice to strangers on Reddit. What follows is severe but worth considering.

The best apology here is going to AA. Because this is a massive warning sign right here. Booze:

-Caused you to do things you didn't want to do

-Caused you to harm someone (emotionally, but still)

-Made life difficult for the people close to you

Seriously, you need to never drink again if you want friends you can keep. Because your friends might stand by sober you if they know that drunk you is never gonna turn up again.

Depends on how it was handled the next day:

'I'm truly sorry, I realize I have issues and you won't see me take another drink ever' =A friend you can keep

'ah, get over it, I was just drunk, c'mon' = not someone I need to stay friends with.

i fucking love rude and mean people and I will be your friend.

Ask your friend what the full story is explain what happened as much as you remember and try to piece it together also we all make stupid mistakes until we find our limits apologizing as profusely as possible and offer to take him and his gf out to dinner or something to apologize.

I recommend not drinking now that you know youll be choosing to become a shitty person if you do.

You didnt have more friends because you were an asshole as a kid. Your friends then were either fellow assholes or hadnt yet learned what kinds of treatment they deserve from their peers.

And, being nice doesnt obligate people to be your friend either.

Adults have limited time and energy. There isnt enough of the precious stuff to give to everyone. So they select some people who are the kind they want to be friends with, and gift them that rare stuff.

If you are shitty to your friends, you lose them. Be better next time.

it's probably the alcohol, I stopped drinking after a similar experience but I got mad at some neighbors for doing some shit they shouldn't have been doing but none the less, I didn't act properly because of alcohol. I got mad and wanted to fight and yell because I was drunk.

It's the drinking. Some people just are mean drunk. Do not get drunk ever again. If you drink just limit to a drink or two and just state that you won't drink anymore due to what happened last time and just stop there. Do this friends drink a lot? Do you?

I see that you contradict yourself in your statements: "I am not mean, I am a good friend, I am a nice person. Don't know where this came from" and then you go on to say you have a history of violence when you were younger... or at least a history of being mean. So you do know where it comes from, and there's more from where that came from. In therapy go through this and the unresolved trauma because your inhibitions disappear when drunk and that's why your mean behavior came back.

As for your friends... you need to apologize profusely. Sit down with every single one of them. Go through the behavior. Accept responsability, say you are going to therapy to address that issue and you are committed to work on this since it was not ok and it hurt people you care about. Finally, offer restitution. How sre you going to make it right by the people you hurt? Maybe some dinner and just go through the whole process of... being in the dog house as it were, since your stunt hurt people. Just be patient with them and with yourself. You made a mistake, a big one but you are a human. Just try to make this right.

Just want to offer virtual hugs here. No judgement. You’ve been offered lots of good advice here already and I’d take it if I were you.

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Your drunk self is truest self. Guess you're always the AH deep down.

You can and will in due time. I was a mean drunk in my 20s, always and usually only when booze was involved. My GF at the time finally told me she didn’t want to go out with my anymore (we had a very active nightlife back then). It took some more years of personal growth until I found my balance.

The aggression was to a large degree based on my insecurities that came up to surface as aggression when I drank booze and thought I was cool. I was not of course.

So don’t stop drinking all together. Drinking is a great social thing and can definitely help shape friendships (ie sharing a beer or three after work with colleagues is a classic way to start a new friendship) but stay away from anything stronger than wine.

You’ll grow up eventually and find the balance. Cheers.

And yet, alcohol is legal and weed isn't in most countries. To clarify, I'm not judgemental, I too would become an asshole if I drink too much. Nowadays, I'd only drink a few beers at most.

People think drink problems are if you can't stop drinking, but it can be anything alcohol related that causes negative consequences. It should go without saying but stop drinking! Alcohol can help turn the best person into a horrible monster, and it's our responsibility not to drink. I also try so hard to please people, to be kind and I geninuely want to help people, but I had to stop drinking as very rarely I'd be a bit mean when drunk, so now out of respect for others and myself I stopped drinking and it's really helped.

It's not to late to meet new people and make a fresh start.

OP, some people become really evil when they drink. That's you. Don't drink, you'll hurt and push away friends and family as you've been doing.

And it can and will affect things permanently.

Drunks get some excuse, but depending on what is said, some things can't be unsaid and even drink won't excuse it - because people will know that that's in your mind, and expect you were just hiding it before and drink just brought it up.

I'm sorry for you. Hope you can control it and rebuild friendships.

There's a few sentences from your original post that you should show your therapist. It starts with "I'm glad I kept myself distance from them". You might be self sabotaging.

Talk to the therapist about attachment theory if they're into that. It helps me figure out what my emotions are making me do sometimes when my own responses confuse me.

I think in addition to apologizing you should explain just as you have here.

I think you should try and dig up the most honest explanation of your behavior, based on your past, explain it to them inperson and then give them space and say hi in a week or two. Other than that, you'll just have to see how things go.

I agree with the person that said you are a mean drunk. Because of this unfortunate tendency, it would be in you best interest to limit yourself to one or two drinks only.

Lots of people are saying never drink again. But the mind is complex, and this is a part of yourself. Not drinking wont fix anything. But self reflection and therapy might. Id actually recommend thinking through yourself and your problems awhile and then drink again, but alone and in moderation to see how it goes. Rinse and repeat until you feel you've made good progress and then drink lightly with others.

Good luck, friend