be-incredible t1_ixwtmk6 wrote
You should apologize sincerely. And now you know you also should not drink because evidently you are a mean drunk.
Ozwentdeaf t1_ixwts9m wrote
Apologizing was the first thing i did. I feel the most awful about how they must be feeling.
Yeah im definitely not drinking again. At least i have learned from this.
nhskimaple t1_ixx6f0t wrote
A better solution, beside just swearing off drinking, might be therapy. Confront the issues and put in the work you deserve that to yourself.
Ozwentdeaf t1_ixx6iiu wrote
Im in therapy. It wont help though, i have absolutely no idea what set me off last night. I dont know what to work on.
Maybe ill figure it out soon though
Lilblaez t1_ixxq1a6 wrote
Ask your friend what the full story is explain what happened as much as you remember and try to piece it together also we all make stupid mistakes until we find our limits apologizing as profusely as possible and offer to take him and his gf out to dinner or something to apologize.
nhskimaple t1_ixxfeqk wrote
It’s a process. i didn’t have breakthroughs in any areas until I got a therapist that turned situations or memories upside down with her questions. Maybe a session soon will Surprise you. Best of luck.
ERSTF t1_ixy0804 wrote
It's the drinking. Some people just are mean drunk. Do not get drunk ever again. If you drink just limit to a drink or two and just state that you won't drink anymore due to what happened last time and just stop there. Do this friends drink a lot? Do you?
I see that you contradict yourself in your statements: "I am not mean, I am a good friend, I am a nice person. Don't know where this came from" and then you go on to say you have a history of violence when you were younger... or at least a history of being mean. So you do know where it comes from, and there's more from where that came from. In therapy go through this and the unresolved trauma because your inhibitions disappear when drunk and that's why your mean behavior came back.
As for your friends... you need to apologize profusely. Sit down with every single one of them. Go through the behavior. Accept responsability, say you are going to therapy to address that issue and you are committed to work on this since it was not ok and it hurt people you care about. Finally, offer restitution. How sre you going to make it right by the people you hurt? Maybe some dinner and just go through the whole process of... being in the dog house as it were, since your stunt hurt people. Just be patient with them and with yourself. You made a mistake, a big one but you are a human. Just try to make this right.
Beautifulblueocean t1_ixxz0th wrote
it's probably the alcohol, I stopped drinking after a similar experience but I got mad at some neighbors for doing some shit they shouldn't have been doing but none the less, I didn't act properly because of alcohol. I got mad and wanted to fight and yell because I was drunk.
virstultus t1_ixyw63f wrote
There's a few sentences from your original post that you should show your therapist. It starts with "I'm glad I kept myself distance from them". You might be self sabotaging.
Talk to the therapist about attachment theory if they're into that. It helps me figure out what my emotions are making me do sometimes when my own responses confuse me.
SeaTale6353 t1_ixwujl4 wrote
I had the same thing happen to me, luckily I kept most of the friends due to them being understanding, but I heavily regulate my drinking to only drinks that work from me so I never really get more than tipsy.
Ozwentdeaf t1_ixwuq90 wrote
Im glad to hear you kept yours.
Maybe mine will be ok, but it will never be the same again will it?
Falconflyer75 t1_ixxknrk wrote
Think about sand in a glass of water, with enough time it settles to the bottom and you forget it’s there, and the water is clear
but if u shake the glass then it becomes just as dirty as it once was
If u can convince your friends to give you another chance then eventually things can settle but if you screw up again it’ll be worse
SeaTale6353 t1_ixwv15r wrote
Something slightly changes, but in time things will reach a new normal that everyone's comfortable with, you can't change the past but by apologising and being more organised in the future it'll be ok, and you'll reach a sort of inner peace about it that's usually matched by your friends :)
Skaldskatan t1_ixyhrlb wrote
You can and will in due time. I was a mean drunk in my 20s, always and usually only when booze was involved. My GF at the time finally told me she didn’t want to go out with my anymore (we had a very active nightlife back then). It took some more years of personal growth until I found my balance.
The aggression was to a large degree based on my insecurities that came up to surface as aggression when I drank booze and thought I was cool. I was not of course.
So don’t stop drinking all together. Drinking is a great social thing and can definitely help shape friendships (ie sharing a beer or three after work with colleagues is a classic way to start a new friendship) but stay away from anything stronger than wine.
You’ll grow up eventually and find the balance. Cheers.
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