TIFU by confessing my feelings to my best friend the day after he broke up with his girlfriend

Submitted by nachocheesetriangle t3_yuqad5 in tifu

This is a throwaway because I dont want him to find this. I (23 M) have had feelings for my best friend, J (24 M) since high school. Im not very open about being gay as I live in a very conservative area and hes one of the few people that know along with my mum and my sister. My dad is a very devoted christian and is extremely vocal about his hatred of the LGBTQ community, so I haven't come out to him. (This becomes relevant later in the story) When J got with his girlfriend, E (24 F) I was obviously very happy for him, but deep down I was devastated. I know its selfish, and trust me I hated myself for it, but I couldn't help being upset. A few weeks ago, E broke up with him and he was very distraught (understandably), but honestly I think it was good for him, she seemed really toxic to me. Obviously I'm biased but I like to think I'm pretty good at recognising those kinds of people. Anyway, he called me and asked if he could come over to my place for drinks because he was feeling "really shitty and I need to talk to someone who I can trust." Of course I accepted, I wanted to be there for my best friend when he was going through something. So he came over that night and we got absolutely wasted. We talked for a bit, and then one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. The next morning I woke up and he wasn't there. I kept trying to call him but he wouldn't pick up. I decided to confess my feelings over text, because he wasn't picking up his phone and I couldn't ignore what had happened the night before. He's always told me he was straight, but there was definitely feelings there. I texted him about my feelings and how I've felt about him for the past few years. Then for the rest of the day my phone was blowing up from friends and family telling me how much of a bad person i was. I even got messages from my dad telling me how disappointed he was in me and how upset he was that I was gay and didn't tell him. J has told everyone in my life about this and my relationships are being destroyed.

TLDR: My best friend broke up with his gf and I confessed my feelings to him the next day. He then outed me to all of my friends and family because of it.

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kalysti t1_iwapx9m wrote

No one deserves being outed. Period. However, you were incredibly insensitive to interfere with your friend's grieving period. No matter how difficult his ex was, he cared for her and she left him. Being the one left behind is devistating, and your time together should have been all about him and his feelings about his situation.

If you ever find yourself in this situation again, don't have sex with the person, and don't confess your feelings to them. Give them time to work through their own stuff. It's what a true friend would do.

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threequartertoupee t1_iwaqzsk wrote

Yeah ngl, regardless of whether you meant to or not, I can imagine your friend would feel pretty taken advantage of in this situation. Doesn't mean you should've been outed, but jeez that's a dick move. Hope you learn from it.

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Plenty_Intention1991 t1_iwas3oe wrote

Wait though... were talking about consensual sex right? I don’t see why that makes OP the bad guy like some people are saying. Based on what you said you didn’t actively sabotage his relationship with the ex and only you know if you did anything predatory but you didn’t say that you did. As a straight man I’ve gotten drunk af with best friends after breaks ups and one thing never led to another. Sure as far as I know my friends aren’t gay but even if they were I wouldn’t end up f-ing them the day after a break up.

Am I missing something?

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Alphius_Ravenshadow t1_iwatq48 wrote

How did one thing lead to another? You're being vague but it's the most important part of the story: it'll be related to why you're being treated the way you are now.

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RufusCranium t1_iwatrda wrote

A. Look at the blessing in disguise. Now everyone knows and you need not harbor the secret any longer. Of course complications will arise because of it. But at least one thing you can leave behind. B. Not much of an accepting friend if you comforted him (women use this method, too), and put your feelings out there, for him to react in such a manner. Feelings or not, good riddance.

Chin up!

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carpmen2 t1_iwaum8t wrote

You definitely raped your friend.

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Plenty_Intention1991 t1_iwb0lb1 wrote

Replying to threequartertoupee (#524,627)

Yeah there are still some big question marks there. I guess my point though is that if the story we heard is true and if we gave OP the benefit of the doubt then maybe homeboy wasn’t as straight as we were lead to believe. According to OP is was straight guys idea to drink with him. Maybe it just went further than he expected and now his form of denial is to attack OP. I’m thinking about this situation too much for having to stake in it lol. I just can’t wrap my head around “accidentally” having sex with a male friend.

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