Op her child told her she wanted to die and spent hours hearing how he’s hopeless. It’s like a bruise, it will take time for her to heal. And as a parent I can think of nothing worse.

But forgive yourself, it’s just the depression. It’s a strange thing that does fool you. Once you are successfully treated you will not understand why you didn’t seek help sooner.

Apologize. Own it. Explain why you changed your mind.

And please see a doctor my friend. I believe in you

If she's isn't talking to you, then you should probably give her some space. But at the same time keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't do anything dangerous to herself or others. You could also write out a very detailed letter apologizing to her for what you did and acknowledging that she was just trying to help in your time of need. Whether she reads it or not is up to her, but you never know, she might suddenly show up and accept your apology.

It sounds silly and pointless, but you know, "be the change you want to see"?

An apology will never change everything you said to your mother, it won't change how she felt when her own child told her that living pointless.

Do you know what can change? YOU OP, look for the help that someone who loves you offered you, not for her but for yourself, go after understanding that being a teenager is difficult, there are many changes, it is normal to feel overwhelmed.

BTW, you didn´t won OP.

Tell her you'll go to the doctors