Right now you feel guilty and ashamed for sharing how you're feeling. That's not normal or healthy. Talking to a therapist will help you learn to not feel guilty for having emotions. Itll make you feel less alone. You'll have people on your side.

It is expensive but if your parents truly love you (assuming they can afford it) they'll want to do whatever they can to save your life. Because that's what depression is- its a fight for your life.

If you can't/don't want to go to therapy I'd suggest at least reading up on DBT skills (coping mechanisms), thought reframing (a DBT skill) and maybe shadow work (self therapy).

Please be safe and don't be afraid to reach out.