TIFU by consoling a friend after breakup!

Submitted by shiraah t3_z91wzd in tifu

I (19F) am best friends with Myra (20F) and friends with her now ex bf, Pat (20M). Myra and Pat broke up around 5 months ago, at least that's what they told us. Ever since the break-up, I have no contacts with Pat, who was a friend and classmate of mine even before he got together with Myra.

A couple days ago, I got to know from another friend that Pat has not been very well and that he hinted on how Myra's friends just cut him off after the break-up despite being friends with him as well. Me being the stupid person I am thought to myself how wrong it was of me to abandon a friend just like that. (Me and Pat had good platonic relation where we used to share our problems with each other quite often).

Yesterday, feeling bad for my actions, I texted Pat asking him how he has been. He started complaining, talking depressive, things like 'nothing is good in life anymore' basically begging for sympathy for his break up and I tried to encourage him by reminding him all the good things about him and that things will get better soon; we were having a pure platonic talk and I am pretty sure I refered to him as "bhai" (brother) once or twice while texting as well.

Now, when I was sitting with my girlfriend (I am bi) received a text from Myra saying "Please spare Pat from your filthy flirting"; apparently Pat had texted her " Please ask (my name) to stop flirting with me". Now Myra, my supposed best friend of 5 years is slut shaming me and calling me "characterless" as well as throwing homophobic insults at me for flirting with Pat.

Worst part- my girlfriend read her text and thought I was cheating on her.

FML

Update- I let my gf go through the chat and she is very pissed at both Pat and Myra. She told me how neither of them are my friends, for the way they acted. Since I was too hurt and numb to argue back or convince Myra that nothing happened. My gf, from my phone, with my consent texted both of them to "F*ck off" and blocked them. She is the best thing in my life rn and really supportive through everything. I love her.

TL;DR

Tried consoling a friend after his breakup with my bestie. He bitched to bestie misunderstanding my consoling as flirting and now my so called bestie is slut shaming and throwing homophobic insults at me. Worst part- my gf read besti's texts and now thinks I was cheating on her.

FML

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Comments

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LionSlav t1_iyekbok wrote

Damn, sounds like you've associated with the wrong friends. Doesn't sound like you did much wrong, tho I can't read the texts.

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Jumanjoke t1_iyets4g wrote

Okay so you should tell Myra a few things in this order :

  • You felt bad for Pat as he was still depressed after their breakup.
  • You were not flirting, as you have a gf right now. You friendzoned him as clearly as possible by calling him "bhai".
  • He probably texted Myra the "tell her to stop flirting" to make her jealous. It must have been a desperate and deplorable attempt to win her back somehow.
  • Tell her you won't talk to him anymore, as he clearly is manipulating both of you.
  • Myra should apologize for the slutshaming and the homophobic insults.

If she doesn't believe you, you can send her the conversation with Pat, and tell her to f*ck off until she apologize.

In the same time, you should tell this to Pat :

"Did you mistake my pity for interest ? I was never interested in dating you, i considered you my friend, no more, no less. You tried make Myra jealous, thanks to that i might loose my best friend, my girlfriendAND my reputation. I want you to apologize to me, and to Myra for your pathetic behaviour. Have a good life."

Then with your gf : she is an unfortunate casualty of Pat's manipulation. Tell her you only like/love her, and ask her if she wants to read the conversation. Whatever she choose, screen her the last message you sent to Pat.

Sorry this was long, hope this gives you ideas. Good luck. I hope thinhs with your gf will get better, and i hope Myra will apologize.

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Scoob1978 t1_iyemcrd wrote

You list Pat as a 20F, but refer to Pat as a male.

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SnooBunnies7461 t1_iyeyy5j wrote

You did nothing wrong. Pat threw you under the bus by getting Myra involved and since she was so upset it makes me wonder why since this wasn't her love interest anymore. I'm thinking its all for the drama of it all. Myra isn't your friend so cut that one out. Pat also isn't your friend to delete that one too.

I would get out your phone with your gf and let her read through exactly what you said to Pat. Then point out that both Pat and Myra were horrible to you. If gf sees the whole picture instead of just the piece Myra is showing it'll be find.

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